Twisted
by DeservingLife'sFlaws
Summary: She lies in the dark, unaware of what has happened. But soon she can see, the endless roller-coaster of her life, and starts to understand why her mind has tried to block it all out. Can anyone help her anymore or is it too late?
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

I've faced this a thousand times before.

Somehow I know that, despite the fact that the pain is overpowering everything else. I can't really think straight any more but I _think _that's a good thing. For some reason the idea of thinking makes my heart pound fast, like I'm running, but what am I running from?

I can feel cool hands touching my face, but I have no idea why. My eyes feel too heavy to open so I leave them blissfully closed even though there are voices calling my name. They're not loud voices, just quiet, and they sound worried. But why are they worried? I'm okay, I'm still here anyway.

I couldn't move even if I wanted to. Even the idea scares me slightly. I'm not sure why but I expect movement is joined with pain. I can feel a stutter in my chest, almost as if my heart is unsure of whether or not it wants to carry on. I recognise the next voice but I can't place it. I know there's a name for whoever it is somewhere in my head but searching for the right box takes all my energy and it's too exhausting.

She sounds panicked now, not just quietly concerned like before. She sounds like she's been crying too, but _why_? I can feel my heart pick up its pace again as I try to remember, try to think about what happened, but my mind is protecting itself; I can't remember a thing. Another voice is joining her, comforting her, and I feel a pang in my chest that I can't place. It's a man's voice, he's calming her, but I feel something other than confusion now and I don't know what it is.

Could it be jealously? Am I really that concerned over the male comforting her? Deep down, something cracks. I can see someone's face in my head. She's beautiful, and blonde, and she's smiling. I know her, I know I do, but why can't I think of her name?

I can feel frustration now. Despite my best intentions my own brain won't let me in. I can feel myself desperately trying to open my eyes but they seem to be glued shut. I try to move too but my body feels restrained. Why is this happening?

"San?" I hear her voice again.

I hear her voice again, louder and clearer and suddenly it all comes through. A thousand times over, the same pain again and again, until my heart just won't slow down. Because that's all I needed, that's all I w_anted_; to know the voice. It was Brittany. Of course it was. I felt warm inside all of a sudden but this was quickly replaced by a panic, a deep panic, a panic shrill and unforgiving.

I shake my head from side to side, trying to rid myself of the new images I can see but they won't go away. Suddenly I understand why my mind wouldn't work. I don't want to see, not anymore. Everyone's in a panic again but I find I don't care. I'm thrashing now, trying to fight my way out, the beeping beside me going haywire.

When a new face appears in my mind I hear a scream. It's a high pitched scream, an agonising scream and it takes me a while to realise it's coming from me.

I open my eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One**

Brittany closed her eyes and rubbed her temples absentmindedly, trying her hardest to block out the noise of the students in the cafeteria. It was everywhere, a thousand conversations stabbing her at once. It wouldn't normally bother her. For a start she usually had Santana by her side. Plus, the conversations she could hear were about stupid things, well, stupid things in comparison anyway.

She sighed and put her head on the table, deciding that people might shut up if she blocked them out but, as soon as she made contact with the greasy table below her, she realised that that wouldn't be the case. The sound was slightly muffled but it hadn't made much difference.

"Hey, Britt,"

Brittany looked up, her eyes glazing over, to see Sam sitting across from her, a full tray in his hands. She smiled slightly at him to ease his worried expression then sat up and placed her elbows on the table. Sam hesitated before pushing the tray to the centre and motioning for her to take something.

"I'm not hungry, Sam," Brittany muttered, pushing the tray back to him, her heart jolting slightly at the similarity between his name and Santana's.

"You have to eat," Sam pressed, pushing it back.

"Ergh, why is everyone so pushy around here?" Brittany said exasperated.

"They're like that because they care," Sam told her handing her a bottle of water instead.

Brittany took a sip before rolling the lid in between her thumb and forefinger, deep in thought. Sam watched her with a sad expression on his face, his eyes filled with worry. He cared a lot about Brittany. More than he ever let on anyway because of her relationship with Santana. The truth? He was in love with her.

He stared at her hands curling around the lid of her water. Someone else would look at her hands and think that was it. They were just hands. Hell, they wouldn't even look at her hands unless she wanted them to. But when he looked at them he could picture them touching him, touching his face, his body, wrapped around him in an embrace.

He could see his own hands running through her hair, pulling her closer to him, holding her when she cried. Truth was, he could see himself being with her, but she didn't feel the same. Brittany glanced up then but not to look at him. Her eyes trailed along the wall to the clock and she stood up abruptly, leaving her water on the table.

"Where are you going?" He asked her, making to stand up.

"I meet San at five to one to talk about..." Brittany stopped in her tracks as it hit her once again that Santana wasn't around to be with her.

Tears formed in her eyes as she took in the pity on Sam's face. He reached his hand out towards her and she recoiled away from him, a frown crossing her face.

"Don't, just don't," Brittany muttered, pushing past him.

Sam watched her go with sadness settling on the pit of his stomach, his arm still outstretched to the girl who currently held his heart.

X

Quinn hissed angrily to herself as she entered the girl's bathroom. Her second slushie of the day was seeping through her shirt, already staining it, and she wasn't sure if she'd packed another one. She stood in front of the mirror, unaware that she wasn't alone, and wet some paper towels under the tap to see if that would help.

It was the crying that made her turn around. It was muffled as though the person doing it was trying to keep quiet but failing and it was coming from the cubicle behind her. Quinn sighed, not yet ready to have this conversation and knocked softly on the door.

"Britt?" She asked quietly.

The crying stopped abruptly but Brittany didn't open the door. Quinn leant against it, pressing her ear to the gap and heard tissue being removed from its holder on the wall.

"Britt, come out,"

"Go away," Brittany said, her voice cracked.

"You can't stay in there forever," Quinn said gently. "Do you think that's what Santana would want?"

Brittany went very quiet. Quinn waited patiently until she heard the lock pulling back then stepped away and watched Brittany walk out. She looked defeated, as though she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her eyes were bloodshot and her face was blotched red.

"What if she doesn't make it?" Brittany whispered, unable to keep the pain out of her voice.

"Oh, Britt," Quinn said coming forward and putting a hand on Brittany's shoulders. "Santana's strong; she'll get through this,"

"Have you seen her?" Brittany asked. "She looks awful, Q,"

Quinn stared guiltily at the tiled floor, unable to admit with words that she hadn't even stepped foot in the hospital since Santana was admitted. She was scared. Scared of what she might see. She hadn't heard much about what had happened but what she did know was enough. Now she pictured Santana, lying in the hospital bed, alone, but not able to know that, and closed her eyes as pain crossed her chest. It disappeared as quickly as it had come, however, and she opened them again, only just realising that Brittany had left the room.

X

Brittany made her way down the corridor, her arms crossed against her chest, a tugging at the edges of the hole in her heart. After talking to Quinn it was clear to her that no-one, other than her, had been to see Santana. The idea sickened her. Sure, Santana could be a bitch but who wasn't? Even she could be a bitch. Only yesterday she'd told off Lord Tubbington for reading her diary _again_.

She headed to her locker with her head down, the people hurrying past her avoiding a conversation like she had a disease. Not that she was sure what a disease was... A cold or the flu? Well whatever they were avoiding her for wasn't nice and she didn't like it. She dialled the combination on her locker and began shoving her books into her bag. Then she slung it over her shoulder and slammed the door shut, the sound reverberating in the corridor.

She spun around to leave the school but walked straight into Sam who had been standing just behind her.

"Oh, sorry, Sam," Brittany said quietly, trying to step around him.

"Don't worry about it," He said letting her pass him then following her as she walked away. "I'm sorry about earlier," He added, his hands deep in his pocket.

"It's fine," Brittany said walking slightly faster.

"Are you going to the hospital?" He asked as they stepped into the parking lot.

"Yes," Brittany told him, unlocking her car and opening the door. "Why? Do you want to come?"

Sam looked down, his face guilty and Brittany scowled.

"I thought not,"

Then she climbed into her car and shut the door as hard she could, causing him to move out of the way as she started the engine. Sam watched her as she sped off around the corner, unable to explain to her what was really keeping him away.

X

Brittany smiled at the nurses behind the desk then quietly opened the door to Santana's private room. She knew Santana didn't wake up whatever the noise level but she couldn't help keeping quiet as though she was merely asleep.

She crept across the room to Santana's still body and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking Santana's bruised hand in hers and squeezing it gently. The tubes down her throat and up her nose hadn't moved since this morning but Brittany felt sure they changed them. She had an IV in her right hand too to keep her hydrated. It wasn't this that scared Brittany though. It was how... _dead _she already looked.

There was a bruise under her right eye and a cut on her left cheek. Her chin was swollen and her nose was still recovering from the break. She could still see the marks on Santana's neck despite the nurse's efforts to hide them from visitors with her hospital gown. She carefully turned Santana's hand over and traced her fingers along the scars on Santana's wrist. She hadn't been aware that Santana was doing this. The nurses had quietly explained what it meant but she couldn't say she understood.

"San?" She murmured.

Santana didn't move. She could barely hear her breathing, just the steady hum of the machines next to her. Brittany lay down awkwardly next to her and turned over as best she could so that her head was resting just by Santana's. She was scared to touch her now, almost as if the slightest touch could hurt her.

"They picked on me again today," She said softly, linking her arm through Santana's. "They say you're going to die,"

The nurses had told Brittany that it was possible Santana could hear her. She hadn't believed them at first – if she could hear them why didn't she wake up?

"_Oh, Santana, it's so sunny out today," The nurse said, pulling the curtains open. "It was raining yesterday; do you remember me telling you?"_

_Brittany looked up from her position on the bed and scowled._

"_Why are you talking to her? She can't hear you," _

"_Of course she can," The nurse said smiling. "I probably bore her but I bet she knows you're here,"_

"And that anorexic girl was sent off to some hospital," Brittany said. "You said it would happen sooner or later, didn't you?"

Santana stayed silent, the monitors showing no changes. Brittany snuggled closer to her and closed her eyes, pulling Santana against her.

"I know you told me to let go of you," Brittany whispered. "But you know I can't. You know I _won't_. I love you too much,"

She heard the door being opened and glanced up. The nurses never usually came so early when she arrived. What was standing though was more shocking than a surprise visit from the nurse.

Sam was standing awkwardly in the doorway, his tall, muscular body blocking the light from outside. Brittany climbed off of the bed, folding her arms across her chest and glanced up at him, his expression sad. His eyes never left the floor, as though he was determined not to look at Santana.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him.

"I came to... I came to see Santana," He muttered.

"Look at her then," Brittany said.

Sam drew in a deep breath. He had no idea why he'd come here really, apart from knowing that it was only Brittany who had. Besides, he _liked _Santana. Maybe that was what was making this so hard.

"Brittany... I..." Sam began.

"What, Sam?" Brittany interrupted. "Is it because you don't care too?"

"What? Brittany, I do care, that's why I can't stand to be here," Sam explained, looking horror-struck.

"I don't understand," Brittany said, knowing as she said it that he'd probably think she was stupid too.

"No-one can be here, Britt," Sam said. "It's too hard. It's hard knowing that she can't... Do you understand now?"

"No-one's coming, because it's too hard?" Brittany clarified.

"Yes," Sam said.

"So, because I'm here, I don't care?" Brittany asked, her heart sinking.

"No, Brittany, no. You're here because the love you feel for Santana puts everything else aside. You see Santana how you've always seen her. You love her so much nothing can keep you away,"

Brittany looked down, a tear slipping down her cheek and hurriedly wiped it away, knowing Sam had already seen. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. She instantly flinched, this hug feeling wrong. But it was nice to have someone comforting her for a change. Even Quinn couldn't touch her properly before.

"Santana's gonna be fine," Sam ground out against her shoulder. "I promise,"

"Tell me that when you've looked at her," Brittany said, slightly muffled by his shirt.

Sam froze, his arms dropping to his side and glanced up at Brittany. She smiled softly at him then walked back to the bed and sat down on it, taking Santana's fingers and gently curling them around her own. Sam kept his eyes to the ground as he followed her slowly, terrified of what he was about to see but worried about what would happen if he didn't.

When he tilted his head up words failed him. She looked worse than he'd ever imagined she would. The parts of her body he could see were bruised and there were deep cuts on her face and arms. He'd heard nothing of what had happened except the fact that she was here and that just made seeing her that much worse. Or did it make it better? Did he want to know?

He bit down on his lower lip and looked at the ceiling in an effort to stop himself from crying. Nothing had moved him as much as the sight in front of him. Brittany looked up at him but never left Santana's side. She gave him the time he needed to compose himself then patted the space beside her.

Sam sat down and took her spare hand, his eyes never leaving Santana's face.

"I promise you she's gonna be fine," Sam repeated.

Brittany nodded and squeezed both of their hands gently. She didn't know much but this she knew for sure. If Santana didn't survive this then she wouldn't either. And there was no way she was carrying on with Santana by her side.

**I hope this chapter was okay. I know it was a bit slow but I'm trying to just get into it. Plus, and I know it's not much of an excuse, I've been having a hard time at college but writing's what gets me away for a while!**

**Thank you to everyone who had followed this story so far and thank you especially to nineerrr who reviewed!**

**I will update this as soon as I can! Thank you again! Please read and review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update this but I have a light week ahead of me so I should be able to update a bit sooner next time! Just to let you know Santana's still in a coma and I'm writing her POV chapters in italics which means they're memories if that makes sense? I hope this chapter's okay!**

**Chapter Two**

**Santana's POV**

_I was washing the dishes when my mother got home. She practically threw her keys down on the dining room table which is how I knew she'd had a bad day. She barely glanced in my direction but this didn't bother me. I kept my eyes down on the plate I was holding and waited for the inevitable. _

"_For fuck's sake," I heard her mutter._

_I didn't say a word. It was better that way. Besides, what could I say? I put the plate on the drainer and picked up a mug. I could hear her walking around the kitchen, her body heavy, as if she was throwing herself around without a care in the world. I took a chance and glanced over my shoulder. She was lighting a cigarette and leaning against the wall, the back door wide open._

"_Did I say you could look at me?" She snapped, taking a long drag and blowing the smoke towards me._

"_Sorry," I said quietly, turning back to the washing in the sink. _

"_What are you doing anyway?" My mother said, walking up behind me._

"_The dishes, mother," I answered, aware of the cigarette directly by the back of my neck._

_My mother laughed once, the smoke falling on my loose hair. My heart was pounding but I knew if it was going to happen I couldn't stop it. I was scared to finish the dishes, scared to even walk away but there was only one spoon left and once I'd done that then I'd done it all. _

"_What have you been doing all day while I've been slaving away at work?" _

"_I went shopping this morning," I said, drying my hands slowly. "And I did my chores this afternoon,"_

"_Huh, yeah right," My mother said, her body so close now I could feel her. "What about your father? Have you been bothering him?"_

"_No, mother," I murmured. "He's been in his office today,"_

"_I don't believe you,"_

_I closed my eyes briefly, my hands gripping the edge of the sink. I let out a hiss of pain as my mother pressed the cigarette into the bare skin on my shoulder and clasped a hand to it, hoping to ease the pain before it really started._

_My mother left the kitchen, throwing the cigarette to the floor. I turned on the cold tap and wet some paper towels, holding them to my burning shoulder. I then twisted uncomfortably and picked it from the ground, putting it in the bin beside me. It wasn't even the pain that bothered me. It was the reason behind it._

_X_

_I had to work that night. One of the staff had gone off sick and my manager had called me in, apparently the only replacement. I dressed quickly and left a note for my parents, who were in the office doing God knows what, on the table. _

_I worked at Breadsticks, a restaurant not too far from me that was popular with the local high school kids. A school I attended but hated. There were many reasons I hated it there. I was bullied constantly by the head cheerleader, Quinn Fabray, who, for some reason, just didn't like me. Not to mention the fact that I'm on the cheerleading squad and under a huge amount of pressure from the coach, Sue Sylvester, who insisted that we remain as thin as possible. My popularity was marred by my joining of Glee Club, a club in which the most unpopular kids went, yet the only place I felt okay. _

_My grades were falling by the day but with everything else going on I felt that hardly mattered. A part of me desperately wanted to do well though, due to the desire to be something when I was older, other than the unpopular cheerleader who obviously didn't belong anywhere. _

_And to top all this off? I'm a lesbian. Nobody at high school knew this and that was how I hoped it would stay. _

_The restaurant was crowded when I walked in. I glanced around but couldn't tell anyone apart at the moment; they all sort of blended in together. I hurried through the kitchen door and pulled my apron on over my clothes._

"_Evening, Santana," My boss, Charley, said. "Tables one, five, and thirteen have yet to be served, start there,"_

"_Okay," I said, grabbing my notepad and pen and hurrying back out._

_Table thirteen was closest so I made my way there. And almost ran in the opposite direction. Quinn Fabray was sat there, her back to me, along with two other girls and Finn Hudgeson. I was frozen in my tracks, unsure of whether or not to turn around, when one girl spotted me and nudged Quinn._

_Quinn turned around and smirked upon seeing me. I took a deep breath and walked slowly over to their table, the pen shaking in my hand. _

"_What can I get you?" I asked trying to keep my voice from breaking._

_The other girl with Quinn glanced up when I spoke with interest. And in that moment, my whole world stopped. She was beautiful. Her blonde hair was tied back into a loose ponytail but her fringe was swaying by her eyes. Her eyes. They were what caught me off guard. They were a gorgeous blue, like a forgotten sea. Her body was slender and she was so, so perfect. _

_When she smiled at me slightly my breath caught in my throat. Her smile was out of this world. It filled me with warmth I didn't know I'd been missing. My heart was fluttering, I could barely breathe._

"_Hey, pauper, get me a drink," Quinn said, snapping her fingers in annoyance._

_I shook my head and looked at Quinn who was frowning. _

"_I'm sorry," I said, not looking at the girl again. "What can I get you?"_

"_Just get us all some cokes," Quinn said, turning back to face the group._

"_Of course,"_

_I put my notepad in my pocket and walked quickly over to the drinks machine behind the bar. My mind was consumed with the girl I'd just seen. Could anyone really be that perfect? She wouldn't look twice at me anyway. She was probably straight and besides, I wasn't anything to look at. Quinn made sure I knew that. And I did._

_I took their drinks over to them and placed them on the table._

"_Thank you," The girl said._

_I hesitated, my hand holding the tray, and nodded at her, my stomach in knots. Her voice was something else entirely. Like wind chimes on a warm summer's evening. This girl was everything I'd been looking for, but everything I would never have._

"_You don't have to thank her, Brittany," Quinn said, laughing softly. "She's just a waitress,"_

_My cheeks flamed and I looked down, the table laughing along with her. _

"_Can I get you anything else?" I asked._

"_How about a new waitress?" Quinn suggested._

"_We're a bit busy tonight," I said, my cheeks burning again._

"_Huh, shame, leave us alone then," _

"_Yes," I said. "Of... Of course,"_

_I began to walk away then, tears threatening to overflow, when the blonde girl called me back._

"_Sorry, but, what's your name?" She asked me._

"_I... Santana," I said, twisting my hands together._

"_Santana," She said. _

_I nodded once then turned away, my heart too loud in my chest._

_X_

_The next day at school my first lesson was cancelled due to a teacher being off sick so I made my way to the cafeteria and ordered a tea. It wasn't too crowded in here so I felt slightly more comfortable as I sat down and put my headphones on. My favourite song, You Oughta Know, began playing and I settled back for the hour, quite content._

"_Excuse me?" A musical voice said._

_I glanced up and saw Brittany standing above me. I began to panic, wondering if this was some kind of joke and sat up, removing my headphones. Brittany sat down across from me and put her hands in her lap, looking around nervously._

"_Yes?" I asked, unsure of whether to be alert or not._

"_Can I ask you something?"_

"_Sure, go ahead,"_

"_Mr Schue said I need a tutor, for Spanish? I was wondering if you could help me out," Brittany said._

"_Me?" I said, shocked beyond belief. _

"_Yeah, you're the best at Spanish I know, plus you know it, like, off by heart," _

_Wow, Brittany was asking me for help. She was now looking at me, frowning slightly. I wondered what she was thinking._

"_Are you sure you want me teaching you?" I asked her._

"_Why wouldn't I be?" She wondered, confused now. She looked adorable when she was confused._

"_I... People don't usually come to me for help. I'm not... Well, liked around here," I said, ready for the 'April Fools!' I felt sure was coming._

"_Don't put yourself down, Santana," Brittany said seriously. "People around her aren't worth your time; don't let them get to you,"_

_I looked at Brittany, me being confused now, and studied the features on her face. She was even more beautiful than I remembered._

"_I'll help you," I said, twirling the ear piece in my hand._

"_Oh that's great, thank you so much," Brittany said, a huge smile spreading across her face._

_I was momentarily stunned at her smile and didn't notice she'd gone until I looked around and couldn't see her beautiful face among so many others._

_X_

_I was at my locker when it happened. I'd just left Spanish to get the text book I'd 'forgotten' and was making my way back when Quinn, Brittany and another girl I didn't know stopped in front of me. I tried to step around them but they moved with me, a slushie in Quinn's hand. Brittany looked uncomfortable._

"_I have to get back to class," I muttered, pushing slightly against them._

"_We're just making sure our status is still intact," Quinn said and then she threw the slushie straight at my face._

_It dripped down my neck and stained the front of my top. I wiped it from my eyes to see they were turning the corner down the corridor and quickly made my way into the girl's bathroom. I put my stuff on the floor and grabbed some paper towels, dabbing at the wet patches on my shirt, unable to change as I'd already done so today._

_When the bathroom door opened I didn't turn around. No doubt whoever it was wouldn't help her anyway._

"_Are you okay?"_

_I spun around to see Brittany standing by the door, once again looking nervous, and looked down at the floor._

"_Yeah, I'm fine," I said. _

"_It's okay to be less than that, you know," Brittany said, taking some paper towels too and stepping forward._

_My breath caught in my throat as she curled one hand under my chin and used the other to gently wipe away the slushie around my eyes and on my cheeks. Her skin was soft, like a baby's, I noticed. I looked away quickly, hoping she didn't think I was a freak too and thanked her when she pulled away._

"_Here, have this," She said, offering me her spare shirt._

_I took it, running the fabric through my hands. Tears were threatening to fall but I couldn't work out why._

"_I'm sorry about how they treat you," Brittany murmured. _

"_It's okay, you get used to it," I said shrugging._

_My answer seemed to bother her. She was frowning again, that cute frown, her mouth tugging down at the corners._

"_Thank you for the shirt," I said quietly._

"_It's no problem, honestly," Brittany said softly. "I'll see you around,"_

_I watched her leave the bathroom, an odd feeling in my chest, and locked myself in the closest stall, changing into the clothes that Brittany had given me._

Had I been able to I knew that I'd be smiling. That first meeting with Brittany still burnt in my mind when I fell asleep. Knowing I had been the one lucky enough to get her still meant the world to me. I could feel her hand wrapped around mine but I couldn't do anything. At the moment, I could only lie here, content, with Brittany by my side.

**I hope this was okay! For some reason I don't feel right with it but please review and let me know what you think! Any reviews or constructive criticism welcome! Thank you for reading and following this story. It means a lot to me. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**

Brittany ran her fingers through Santana's dark hair and smoothed her bangs away from her forehead. She felt warm to the touch, even now. Brittany curled her hand around Santana's cheek and used her thumb to gently trace over Santana's features; her eyelids, the soft curve under her nose, her lips.

She still couldn't believe Santana was in this position. No-one deserved to go through this, Brittany knew that, but Santana deserved it _least _of all. Seeing the person she loved going through this type of thing was something that cut her right to the core. It hurt even more than it had last year when she'd had to watch Santana have her way with most of the boys in the school.

She knew that she was like that too but that was only because it hurt so much seeing the girl she loved with someone else. Brittany couldn't describe the pain she felt looking at Santana now. It made her heart physically ache, like someone was pressing down on it purposely, cutting off her air supply. She'd already been subjected to the 'be prepared for the worse' speech. But she refused to believe that Santana wouldn't come out of this.

"I miss you, baby," She whispered, taking Santana's hand and rubbing soothing circles over her knuckles. "It's not the same without you,"

Santana didn't even flinch. Brittany's eyes drifted shut as she placed Santana's hand against her cheek. Her heart fluttered in her chest as she waited for Santana to touch her on her own but she reopened her eyes in defeat when nothing happened. The door opened behind her and she slowly put Santana's hand back by her side.

"Hello, Brittany," The nurse said, smiling as she walked by the bed and began fiddling with the monitors. "How are you today?"

"I'm okay, thank you," Brittany said quietly.

"And how's our special girl today?" The nurse said, looking down at Santana and readjusting her blankets.

Santana remained silent. The nurse didn't seem as bothered as Brittany had been. She patted Brittany's shoulder kindly then left the room. Brittany didn't notice the tears beginning to flow down her cheeks. She pressed her face in to Santana's blankets and let herself cry, the pain becoming too much to bear.

X

"Hey, Brittany," Sam said, smiling slightly, as Brittany entered the choir room. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Sam," Brittany muttered, taking the seat Santana normally occupied and putting her bag by her feet.

"It's Love Song Week," Sam said, rubbing his hands together as though gearing himself up for a football game. "Why don't you sing something?"

"I don't want to sing," Brittany said, throwing him an angry look.

"Okay, okay," Sam said as the rest of the Glee club began filing in. "But let me sing something for you,"

Brittany ignored him, turning her head away and focusing instead on Mr Schuster who was scrawling this week's assignment on the whiteboard.

"Hey, guys," He said, the same level of enthusiasm in his voice as he always had. "I hope you all had a good weekend but now we have to get back to what's important; Sectionals."

Brittany rolled her eyes and glanced around the room. Rachel was practically on the ceiling, her entire body bouncing up and down in the chair. How could she have had a good weekend? Her girlfriend was in hospital, in a coma. How could he suggest Sectionals was more important than anything else when Brittany slept with her house phone so that the hospital could get in touch with her straight away if anything changed?

"Who's up first?" Mr Schue asked, looking around the room for volunteers.

When he made eye contact with Brittany she quickly looked away. He shouldn't expect anything from her anyway; she hadn't sung in weeks.

"Sam, go ahead," He said, smiling and taking a seat just in front of Brittany.

Sam stood up and took his guitar from one of the band members across the room. He then sat down on a stool and looked straight at Brittany who wasn't looking at him.

"This song's for Brittany," He said. The entire club had gone quiet. "I went to see Santana yesterday and, err, well, it's not looking good. But I want you to know, Britt, that I'm with you, she's gonna get better,"

Brittany followed a crack in the floor until it reached its end and then followed it all the way back. Could humans do that? Reach the end but make their way back? When Sam started singing, however, Brittany looked up. His eyes were completely on hers, boring into her like he had no-one else to look at. His huge mouth (something Santana was quick to point out) was currently rounded as he sang the note.

The words split Brittany in half. He was declaring his love for her, in front of everyone, but at the same time letting her know that he was cool with the fact that she was with someone else. She didn't know what he was playing at but him and her was never going to happen. She loved Santana too much to let her go.

When Sam finished singing everyone started clapping, though awkwardly, and Brittany was glad that she wasn't the only one uncomfortable with what she'd just heard.

"Sam, what was that?" She asked, staring at him so hard that he looked away for the briefest minute.

"It was a song, Brittany," He answered, no hint of a joke in his tone.

"Don't make out that I'm stupid," Brittany said angrily.

She could see Mr Schue out of the corner of her eye debating whether to wrap things up for today but Brittany wasn't prepared to let this go that easily. She stood up and kicked her chair, causing it to tumble to the ground. Sam stood up too, ready to catch her if she fell but she merely glanced back at him before leaving the room, Rachel Berry style.

X

Brittany pushed her way through the throng of students in the corridor who mumbled angrily at her but didn't pursue it further. She didn't feel as angry any more, merely annoyed. How dare he do that to her. He knew exactly what she was going through, having seen what she saw every single day, yet he still felt the need to broadcast it that way? And now she was a social freak again, someone even the people in Glee club wouldn't talk to.

Quinn caught up with her just as she reached her locker. She didn't say a word as Brittany took her Calculus book from within, slamming the door when she had done so. In fact, it wasn't until they were both outside the door that she spoke.

"Don't be upset, Britt," She said, leaning on the wall opposite so that she could see Brittany's face.

Brittany didn't say a word. She felt that, if she did, she would say something she might regret.

"Sam just thought he was being kind, give him a break, it's better than the rest of us could do,"

"Are you for real?" Brittany asked, despite her efforts to stay quiet. "It's not my fault he's just some loved up guy who thinks it's okay to hit on a girl who's with someone! And let me add that the someone in question may be out of the picture for now but when she's back he's gonna be in trouble,"

A hint of a smile played around Quinn's lips but she quickly removed it when Brittany stared daggers at her.

"We all know how hard this is for you but lay off him," Quinn said; not mad, calm.

"You have no idea how hard any of this is for me," Brittany said. Then she delivered the killer blow. "You didn't even like Santana,"

Quinn's face went, if possible, even paler. Her eyes clouded over and she wrapped her arms around her chest to hold the torrent of pain inside. Her breath caught in her throat and her heart started beating faster than was normal. Brittany looked away and flattened herself against the wall again, forcing herself to breathe.

"You know I apologised for that," Quinn murmured, looking down at the floor.

"You really think that's all it takes?" Brittany spat. "Do you know how many times she fell asleep crying? Do you know how many times she woke up in the night, terrified, of what you might do the next day?"

Quinn looked even worse when Brittany finished, her face stoic. She could feel bile rising in her throat and she did everything she could to keep it down. It wasn't the harshness with which Brittany was speaking that hurt her; it was the truth. She was awful to Santana. But she had apologised. Santana had... accepted it.

"She was just saying that to make me feel better?" Quinn whispered.

"Yes, she was." Brittany said mockingly. "She appreciated the gesture, Quinn, but she didn't believe it,"

And Quinn couldn't have proved herself over a long period of time like Santana had obviously hoped for because she'd ended up in hospital. She felt sick.

"I'm sorry, Brittany,"

"It's not me you need to apologise to," Brittany said, turning away.

"I was awful to you too," Quinn said quietly.

"But worse to her," Brittany said, her voice a bit more gentle. "Prove that you care about her, Quinn. Go and see her,"

Quinn looked down. She couldn't go and visit Santana. She would see something she didn't want to see, something she knew would haunt her more than hurting Santana had. But if she didn't go then Brittany would say that all she was proving was Santana who would be right; Quinn couldn't change. She glanced back up at Brittany who was still staring at her and nodded slightly, the panic in her chest unbearable.

X

Brittany had offered to give Quinn a lift to the hospital due to Quinn's car being in for a service so they both climbed out of the same car and made for the hospital entrance. Quinn still felt sick. Part of her was prepared to wait until Brittany wasn't watching her and leg it but she knew the other half wouldn't allow that to happen. She owed too much to both of them.

The nurses all smiled at Brittany when they walked onto Santana's floor. When they noticed her trailing along behind her they smiled warmly at her too. Quinn's heart swelled warmly; Santana was being looked after here. Quinn knew Brittany was still in a mood with her and she didn't blame her. She half expected the blonde teen to throw the door open and push her inside but Brittany paused outside Santana's door and turned to face her.

"You don't have to do this," She said, quietly.

Quinn walked forward slightly and placed her hand on Brittany's arm.

"I do," She said softly.

Brittany nodded slightly and opened the door for them, walking in first. Quinn hadn't had much time to prepare herself for what she was about to see but all the time in the world wouldn't have done it. Her knees nearly buckled underneath her as she took in the sight before her.

Brittany had walked straight over to the bed and pressed her lips to Santana's who was lying in the only bed, looking frozen. Brittany was talking quietly to her, so quietly in fact that Quinn couldn't hear her. Subconsciously it seemed Brittany had Santana's hand in hers as if this was something she did all the time. But then, Quinn supposed, she probably did.

Santana looked worse than Quinn could ever have imagined. There was a big cut across her forehead. Her eyes were black, like she hadn't slept for a long time, but they were tinged green too like someone had punched her. Her nose looked off centre from what Quinn could see and she guessed it was broken or had been anyway. Tears formed in her eyes as she glanced over Santana's broken body. Her right leg was in a cast, supported by a restraint.

"Quinn's come to see you," Brittany said, smiling at Santana even though she couldn't see her.

Quinn took this as her cue. She slowly willed herself forward, her feet moving one by one in front of the other. When she reached the bed her whole body was shaking. She'd been wrong; she couldn't do this. She spun around to leave but Brittany had stood up and took hold of her arm in a firm but gentle grip. She turned around again, Brittany's hand still around her arm and looked straight at the floor, unable to look Santana in the... whatever anymore.

"You've got this far, Q," Brittany said softly. "It's okay,"

"I can't do this, Britt," Quinn said. "I can't even look at her now, with the knowledge that she can't hit me, without feeling so much guilt,"

"Santana forgave you, Quinn, I promise. She... She's had so many experiences of people saying one thing and doing another that she wasn't sure whether you'd pick on her again after a while, that's all,"

A tear rolled down Quinn's cheek as she allowed Brittany to pull a chair over and sit her in it. When Brittany sat back down on the bed Quinn reached out a shaking hand and traced her fingers over Santana's hand. It felt soft, like normal, and fairly warm too. Quinn, despite shaking so hard it was noticeable, took Santana's hand in her own and squeezed it tightly, fighting back the emotion that threatened to overspill. Brittany smiled kindly at her, her own hands in her lap.

"When... Why did she do those?" Quinn whispered, pointing in apparent disbelief to the cuts and scars littering Santana's wrists.

"Err," It was Brittany's turn to look awkward. She was unsure of what to say. "She's been doing it for a while," She admitted finally.

"And you knew about it?" Quinn asked her, running her free hand across the scars.

"Don't, Quinn," Brittany warned her. "She made me promise not to tell anybody. Besides, she wasn't trying to... you know, do anything. She said it made it hurt less,"

"Made what hurt less?"

"I... I don't know," Brittany murmured. "She wouldn't tell me. I just know she was hurting, not the reasons behind it,"

"I guess we'll never know," Quinn mused, apparently to herself, tears still flowing freely down her cheeks.

Brittany stood up so suddenly that Quinn moved back in her chair, her eyes wide.

"What do you mean by that? You think she's not gonna wake up too? You think I should just give up on her or something?"

"No, no, Brittany, that wasn't what I meant," Quinn said, relieved to understand Brittany's anger.

"What did you mean then?" Brittany asked her, still angry.

"I just meant that even if she... _when _she wakes up, she might not want to tell us what happened or why she started doing this," Quinn said slowly.

Brittany briefly closed her eyes then sank back down on the bed, wrapping her arms around herself.

"I'm sorry," She said. "I just sort of, flipped,"

"Don't worry; I know you're worried about her,"

Brittany scoffed. "Worried doesn't even cover it,"

"Can she hear us?" Quinn asked, almost as though she was embarrassed.

"Yeah, she can," Brittany said. "The nurses told me, I talk to her all the time,"

Quinn nodded and stood up, using her free hand to gently caress Santana's cheek. She smiled slightly to herself and pushed her hair away from her eyes.

"Hey, Santana. It's Quinn," She said, feeling only a bit stupid.

"I'm just gonna go and ask the nurse something," Brittany said subtly and quietly left the room, a small smile on her face.

"I always thought you were beautiful," Quinn murmured. "I guess I was jealous of you,"

Santana didn't respond to anything she was saying. But maybe it was better that way. For Quinn anyway.

"I'm so sorry, San," She whispered, her voice breaking. "I'm so sorry,"

She sat down in Brittany's vacated seat and buried her face on the blankets covering Santana's chest. There were many reasons Quinn refused to cry in public but today she found it didn't matter. As she lay there, sobbing into Santana's blankets, she realised that crying wasn't a weakness. It was merely a way of expressing sadness and, in her case, admitting she was wrong and saying sorry.

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for the response I've received for this story! I didn't expect to be followed by so many people so thank you! I hope this chapter was okay, let me know what you think! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Four**

_I agreed to meet with Brittany once a week in the library to practice her Spanish. It was on our forth session together that I realised I was in love with her. I didn't notice the feelings straight away. But when I did they hit me hard. _

_She'd been staring me in the face saying the same line over and over with me nodding slightly after each word. When she reached the end she'd smile and then start over. I guess when it came down to it her eyes were what I fell in love with. They were beautiful. She was beautiful. _

_I'd been stupid not to understand the way I felt before, when I'd first laid eyes on her. My beating heart, the clench of muscles in my stomach, my sweating palms. I had put it all down to merely being nervous. She was incredibly popular, beautiful, best friends with Quinn Fabray, one of the top cheerleaders. She was everything I wasn't, and everything I wanted to be. But now I could see it for what it really was. And it terrified me._

"_Santana?" _

_I looked up, shaking my head slightly, to see her looking at me in concern. Her eyebrows were furrowed, as if she was deep in thought, and her mouth was pulled down at the corners. I plastered a smile onto my face, as I did with everyone else, and rustled the sheets in front of me to make it look like I was checking something._

"_Are you okay?" She asked me; another brave stab at conversation._

"_Yes, I'm fine," I lied, still smiling like an idiot._

"_You zoned out on me there," _

"_I'm sorry," I said, truly meaning it. "I'm a bit tired,"_

_I instantly cursed myself. What did I admit that to her for?_

"_Do you not sleep much?" Brittany asked worriedly._

"_Yes, I sleep fine," Now I sounded like an idiot too._

"_You look tired," She observed._

_I looked down, my hair falling over my face, and felt my cheeks flame. Why did I have to be so obvious? I clenched my hands into fists under the table and counted to ten in my head. I could feel myself getting panicked, my heart beating far too fast for me to keep up with. When I was sure I'd composed myself I gathered the papers together and passed them to her, standing up as I did so._

"_Where are you going? We still have fifteen minutes left," Brittany said, confused._

"_I have to go," I said, not looking at her._

_My feelings were already getting the better of me. If I made it too obvious that I felt something for her she'd avoid me like the plague and treat me like the rest of them did. Not to mention that the whole school would find out and things would get even worse._

"_Oh, okay. Will I see you tomorrow?" _

_I froze in my tracks, her voice sounded hopeful. _

"_Yeah, I'll be in," I said slowly._

"_Good, thank you for today," She said, standing up and walking in place next to me._

"_It's no problem," I said exiting the library and walking in the opposite direction to her. "See you tomorrow,"_

_X_

_I got home slightly later than usual that night. I'd walked the entire way to try and clear my head a bit. I thought I'd had more time but when I saw both my parent's cars in the drive I realised I'd been wrong. My heart was pounding fast again and I couldn't breathe. I was in such big trouble._

_I quietly turned the lock in the door and let myself in. The house was quiet. I could see light coming out from underneath the closed living room door and let out a breath of relief. They wouldn't notice me just yet. I put my bag by the stairs and hurried into the kitchen, trying to make it look as if I'd been here longer than I had been. _

_The fridge was nearly empty, a carton of orange juice and a packet of sausages its only inhabitants. I closed my eyes briefly then pulled the sausages out and decided on these with mash or something. I quickly turned the cooker on and got the pan boiling for the potatoes. But I couldn't find any. Tears were burning in my eyes as I checked every cupboard, even the one under the sink, before remembering that I was supposed to have gone shopping after school. _

"_You finally decided to turn up then," My dad said from behind me, a bottle of beer swinging from his right hand. _

_I turned around and gripped the counter behind me. He looked drunk already although he could only have been home for half an hour at the latest. He began to make his way towards me, occasionally pausing to take another swig. I turned my face away when he reached me, his breath stale. _

"_Where have you been?" He asked me._

"_I... I walked home," I told him._

_I flinched as he threw the bottle to the floor, shards of it flying everywhere. I instantly bent down and began to pick up all the pieces, cutting my hand in the process. I hissed and held my cut hand to my chest. He was smiling down at me but turned livid when I stood up to wrap my hand in a towel._

"_Did I say you could get up?" He snarled._

_He grabbed my shoulder and shoved me back down to the floor. I felt a piece of glass pierce my knee and clenched my eyes shut, not wanting to appear weaker than I already was to him. Using my free hand I brushed all the glass together into the middle. I then reached across to take the dustpan and brush and scooped it up as best as I could. _

"_Can I get up, please?" I asked him, keeping my eyes on the floor._

"_Yes," He said._

_I stood up slowly, my knee stinging, and emptied the glass into the bin. I took a towel from the counter top and wrapped my hand in it watching as he circled the room and came to stand in front of me again. _

"_Let me see it," He said, holding out his hand in an offering._

_I immediately removed the towel and held my hand out too. He examined the cut for mere seconds before pressing down on it hard and moving closer to me so that we were almost touching. I leant my head back, away from his, but instantly regretted it. He brought his knee up and rammed it straight into my stomach knocking the air out of me. _

_I fell to his feet, gasping for breath. He bent down in front of me and took my chin in his hands, forcing me to look at him._

"_If you ever get home late again, it'll be a lot worse. Do you understand?" He asked me._

"_Yes, father," I said quietly._

_He let go of my chin then slapped me hard across the face. It was with such force that I fell sideways, my uninjured hand clutching my now burning cheek. I waited until he'd left the room to sit up again. My head was spinning. I could hear the pan spitting but ignored it. Like everyone else ignored me._

_X_

_I walked into school with my head down, hoping to avoid any eye contact. The slap I'd received last night had left a bruise on my cheek. I didn't have much make up that could help to cover it up as I was rarely allowed out so hadn't been able to get any. The corridors were so full that I lifted my head slightly, certain that no-one would see me and that even if they did they wouldn't pay much attention. _

_I reached my locker and dialled the combination. I slowly put my bag inside and removed some textbooks for my lessons that morning. The bandage I had wrapped around my hand caught on the inside of my locker and I spent a longer time than necessary there trying to free myself._

"_Hey, Santana,"_

_I turned my head and saw Brittany standing next to me smiling. The smile vanished from her face so quickly that I could have imagined it. I realised too late that she'd noticed the bruise and turned my attention back to freeing myself. _

"_What did you do to your face?" She asked quietly, blocking me from anyone else's stare. _

"_Nothing," I replied thinking fast. "I thought the window was open and it wasn't," Worst excuse ever._

"_I may be stupid but I'm not that stupid," Brittany said._

_As we were talking the corridor was emptying. I pulled my hand free and discreetly pulled my sleeve down over it so that she wouldn't notice that too. Then I shut my locker and turned to face her, keeping my eyes trained on the floor. _

"_Did Quinn do it?" She asked me, a slight hint of fury in her tone. _

"_No, no, it wasn't Quinn," I said, then added quickly. "It was me, I told you,"_

"_Why are you lying to me?" _

_I didn't answer her, my tired heart not even bothering to beat too fast any more. I guess all of me was feeling tired. I hadn't slept last night. He'd come back into my room to lecture me about late nights and no food. I'd received a good few kicks too. But I knew I deserved it. They'd told me to go shopping after school and I'd forgotten. Who else's fault could it be?_

"_I have to get to class," I murmured trying to walk around her._

"_Santana, wait," _

_I closed my eyes but stopped walking away from her. I could hear her making her way towards me but wasn't prepared for what she did next. She hesitantly reached out her hand and gently ran it down the side of my face. I visibly flinched but she stood her ground, her soft fingers tracing the bruise._

"_Who did it?" She asked again, her voice gentle._

"_It was me," I whispered._

_She sighed. I looked up at her and was captivated by her stare. Her eyes were boring into mine, her hand still resting delicately on my face. I knew I had to look away, I knew I should look away, but I couldn't. I can't explain, even to this day, what feelings were coursing through me. I wanted to touch her, I wanted her to keep touching me. I wanted to feel her arms around me, feel her lips on mine. But that wasn't possible. She wasn't like me._

"_If you don't tell me then I'll just presume it was Quinn and believe me I'll kick her ass," Brittany said seriously._

_A smile appeared on my face, a smile I hadn't worn for a while, and I looked down hoping she hadn't seen it. _

"_There we go," She said, smiling back at me, her hand dropping from my face._

_I don't know what caused it. Maybe it was pain, both physically and emotionally. Maybe I was just tired. But when the first tear rolled down my cheek it was hard for me to stop the rest. They tumbled from me, my whole body shaking. _

"_Oh, sweetie," Brittany murmured._

_Her arms wrapped around me and I welcomed the embrace. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been hugged like this. I buried my head into her shoulder and she rested her chin on the top of my head. _

"_It's okay, San," She soothed, one hand around my waist, the other running through my hair. _

_I don't know how long we were stood there but she pulled away when my crying subsided. She took a tissue from her pocket and dabbed at the tears on my cheeks, her touch so gentle I could barely feel it. _

"_Do you need to go home?" _

"_No, no, really, I'm okay," I said, hoping she didn't hear the edge of panic in my tone._

_If she did she didn't say anything. She curled her finger around a loose strand of my hair and placed it behind my ear, such a small gesture but one that meant so much to me. I leaned into her contact without thinking but quickly drew away when it dawned on me that I was behaving like a complete freak. _

"_I really should get to class," I muttered, cursing how weak my voice sounded._

"_Why don't we go and get a coffee or something from the cafeteria?" Brittany suggested already pulling me along._

"_But..." I protested._

"_No buts," Brittany said, linking her arm through mine. "Don't worry; I skip class all the time,"_

_X_

_The cafeteria only had a few stragglers left. I glanced around nervously but relaxed slightly when I couldn't spot Quinn or any other people I hated in there. Brittany ordered us both a coffee and then led me to a table near the back where we were hidden from view. We both sat down and I took the coffee Brittany handed me, my cold hands burning against the paper cup._

"_I hope this seat's okay for you," Brittany said. "I know you don't like being in the spotlight. I mean, you used to, but I guess things change,"_

_I looked up at her, a frown on my face, and took a sip of the coffee._

"_How do you know that?" I asked her._

"_I pick up on things," Brittany said, shrugging her shoulders. "But don't worry, I don't tell anyone about anything. It's not my place to do that,"_

_I must have looked shocked or something because Brittany suddenly looked worried. She looked down, obviously worried that she'd said too much and drank some of her coffee to ease the atmosphere._

"_I've never met anyone like you," I said quietly._

"_I'm glad, I would be really freaked out if I met myself," Brittany said, deep in thought. "Although it would be pretty awesome,"_

"_Yeah, I guess it would," I mused._

"_Does it hurt?" Brittany asked suddenly._

"_Does what hurt?"_

"_Your face,"_

"_Not so much," I answered truthfully._

_The pain had ebbed away gradually. I didn't really notice it until moments like these when someone pointed it out to me. Brittany seemed to look me over but looked convinced as if my face showed I was being honest. _

"_What are you doing with her?" A voice said._

_My heart sank as I looked up into the face of Quinn Fabray. Brittany smiled gently at me before turning to face her._

"_Hey, Quinn," She said happily. "Would you like to join us? We're just having a coffee,"_

"_You want me to join you? And that," She said, looking over me like I was something disgusting she'd just stepped in._

"_Her name's Santana," Brittany said. "And yes, that's what I asked of you,"_

"_Oh right, I didn't know," Quinn said nastily. "And no, I don't want to join you. I want to know what you're doing with her,"_

"_Isn't this what friends do? Have coffees together?" Brittany asked, feigning confusion._

_Friend? Did she just call me her friend? My heart fluttered at Brittany's words and I looked down quickly so that no-one would notice the flush rising in my cheeks. I knew me and Brittany had some kind of relationship, maybe a tutor/student type one in a way, but friend? I'd never have believed that possible._

"_Your friends with her now?" Quinn asked._

"_I can be friends with lots of people, Quinn," Brittany pointed out. "Besides, she's helping me with Spanish, and she's pretty awesome,"_

_I couldn't believe anything I was hearing. I expected to wake up to my dad's fist any second now._

"_Pretty awesome?" Quinn repeated. "Are you blind, Brittany?"_

"_Erm, I don't think so as I can see you pretty clearly," Brittany said. "And I can see that you're a complete bitch,"_

_I held in my breath at Brittany's words, wondering what on earth Quinn would say to that. I was beginning to panic again, but not for myself, for Brittany. I slowly looked up to see Quinn breathing fast and glaring at me like this was somehow my fault. But then, I guess it was._

"_I suppose you have something to do with this, huh? Turning my own friend against me, you have just sunk lower than you already were and I didn't think that was possible," Quinn muttered. "You better watch your back,"_

_Brittany stood up so suddenly that her chair scooted backwards and fell over. She pushed Quinn back, her face furious._

"_Don't you ever threaten her again," She breathed._

_I stood up, ready to help Brittany if she needed it but realised she wouldn't anytime soon. Quinn took one last look at us then stormed out of the cafeteria, her heels clicking against the floor as she went. I didn't say a word as Brittany turned around to face me._

"_Are you okay?" She asked, taking my hand and squeezing it gently._

"_Thank you," I said quietly. "No-one's ever stuck up for me before,"_

"_That's because no-one was listening," Brittany murmured. "But I am now,"_

_She leant forward slightly, her eyes asking the question and I nodded. When our lips connected I felt a fire erupt somewhere in my chest, enlightening me with a connection I didn't know we had until now. She placed one hand on the small of my back and used to other to push my head closer to hers. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and melted into her, unwilling to let go of her again._

_Unbeknown to either of us, Quinn was standing in the doorway and what she could see was something that would change my life forever._

My first kiss with Brittany was one I'd never be able to forget. Sure, it was different. We both knew that. But it felt good. And there were many more to come after it. I willed my body to move but once again was greeted by the realisation that I couldn't, not yet. I could hear Quinn telling me she was sorry and it was at this moment that I realised she meant it. I couldn't tell her that now but I vowed to wake up and let her know that I forgave her, whatever the cost, and that if she ever did anything like it again Brittany would kick her ass.

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for the reviews and follows and favourites so far! I really hope this story isn't too awful. I struggled a bit with this chapter. I'm not sure why. I haven't been well but I didn't want to keep people waiting too long and besides, being ill there's nothing better to do!**

**Guest – I'm really sorry to hear that you're confused. Could you tell me what's confusing you and then I can try and help you understand a bit better. **

**Thanks again! Please read and review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm gonna write my author's note here so that I can clear up some of the confusion. I alternate my chapters between the present and the past. One chapter's the present and the one after it will be the past. When I'm writing something in the past I write it in italics so that you know it's not happening right now. Santana's in a coma but we don't know the reason why yet. That'll be clear in a few chapters time when I use the past chapters to show you what went on from when she first met Brittany to now. In the present chapters we see that Quinn is friendly with Brittany and likes Santana. But when I go back in the past we see that Quinn used to be nasty to Santana and hated them both, especially when Brittany makes it clear that Santana is her friend. As the story goes on things will become so much clearer so please, please stick with me! I hope this helps some of the confusion. Please don't give up on me though, all will become clear! Thank you all again for the reviews and favourites! I never believed I would get this many so far. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Chapter Five**

The phone call came in the middle of the night. Brittany had only really just gotten into bed, her shower lasting longer than she had thought. It had been nice to have the hot water tumbling down her body, washing away the worry of the day. It never went away, not really, but somehow the shower helped.

Her mum had said goodnight to her about half an hour ago before hitting the sack herself and she knew her dad would check on her when he got home. But for now, she was on her own, with nothing but thoughts about Santana running through her mind.

She was scared. Every part of her screamed fear; fear that she'd lose Santana sooner rather than later. They had planned to grow old together. Santana used to laugh, talking about how funny it would be if they were both on walking frames, racing down the pathway to see who would reach the end first. They'd practically planned their days as an old couple too. Maybe they'd have grandchildren. Hell, maybe they'd have children. Santana had always wanted to live somewhere quiet, peaceful. Maybe that was because she had anything but peace where she was living now.

Brittany shivered slightly and pulled the covers further up to her chin. She hated thinking about the reasons behind this. She'd told Quinn that she knew nothing of what had happened to Santana but truth was, she was too scared to talk about what she _did _know. She didn't know everything. The police weren't willing to release any information to them. But she knew Santana's parents were involved and her blood ran cold whenever she pictured their faces.

Mr Lopez was a doctor. One of the highest ones at that. He had a sharp, pointed face and always had a look about him that suggested he'd just stepped in something dirty. She'd never seen him in anything other than a suit but then, she hadn't really met him before. Santana had made sure of that.

Mrs Lopez could have had a kind face if she'd removed the sour look from it. Her lips were always pursed and Brittany had never seen her smile. She hadn't met her either though. Something else Santana made sure of.

Santana had always avoided talking about her parents. Brittany used to wonder if she even had any. But when she'd walked Santana home that one time she'd seen them. Only from a distance as Santana didn't want them to see her but still. She'd had her head bowed down when she walked through the door and Brittany had started to suspect where the bruises were coming from. But she could never be sure as Santana always avoided the topic.

Now she knew though. Her parents had indeed been the cause of all those injuries she worked so hard to cover up.

Brittany sighed and closed her eyes. She blamed herself for the position Santana was in now. Purely because she was the only one that Santana really spoke to about anything. Plus, she knew about the bruises and the cuts. She knew how Santana used to go to school clutching her ribs. She knew how Santana used to move gingerly like her whole chest hurt, and how she limped sometimes like her ankles hurt. But she hadn't done anything.

One time Santana had even turned up on her doorstep completely out of it, covered in blood and bruises. She'd had to stay in bed for a full week before she could get up and move like she used to. Her mother was aware of Santana's situation as she was the only adult, along with her dad, who knew Santana like her own parents. But there was nothing they could do at the moment. The police were doing their best.

About the time that Brittany felt the tear roll down her cheek the phone rang. It had never gone off before, from the moment Santana was admitted to now. Her heart was pounding furiously as she quickly pulled it out from under her pillow and answered it.

"Hello?" She said, her voice breaking slightly.

"Hello, is this Brittany?" Brittany recognised the voice straight away. It was her favourite nurse but hearing her voice now did not comfort Brittany in the same way as usual.

"Yes," Brittany said quietly. "What's wrong?"

"I think you need to come down," The nurse said softly. "It's Santana,"

"I'm on my way," Brittany said, already pulling her jacket on over her pyjamas.

X

Mrs Pierce glanced at her daughter. She hadn't moved an inch since they'd arrived in the waiting room. Her knees were drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped round them protectively. Her eyes were glazed over as she continued to stare at the opposite wall. She knew Brittany was scared. She could sense it through the atmosphere. Plus, it was pretty obvious. Her eyes were wide, she was breathing fast, she was hunched over defensively.

Mrs Pierce sighed and rubbed her hand over her face. When Brittany had come running into her she'd thought it was just a nightmare. Brittany commonly came into their room these days, always having dreamt of Santana passing away. And now they were sat here, at one o' clock in the morning, waiting for reception to send down the nurse that had called them in the first place. Waiting for the news of Santana's condition.

She knew this wasn't easy for Brittany but from what she'd heard Santana was better off sleeping through her recovery. The police wouldn't tell her anything as she wasn't close family but she couldn't help thinking 'what the fuck did that matter?' Santana's own parents had made it clear what they thought of her and they were having trouble finding other family members. Probably because they didn't exist. She was the next best thing. She'd always seen Santana as an addition to their family.

"What is taking them so long?" Brittany exclaimed suddenly standing up and pacing the small family room, her hand running through her messy hair.

"They'll be here when they can," Mrs Pierce said.

"That's not good enough!" Brittany said, facing her mother with tears in her eyes.

Just as Mrs Pierce was about to reply the door opened. The nurse that was usually with Santana walked in, gently closing the door behind her. Brittany walked forward, her eyes wide, with pain? Or hope? She couldn't tell.

"Thank you both for coming," The nurse said. "How about you take a seat, Britt?"

Brittany quickly sat down, rocking on her seat and waited impatiently for the nurse to sit down on the table in front of them.

"What's going on?" Mrs Pierce asked, aware that her voice sounded broken.

"We've had to put Santana in the ICU. The Intensive Care Unit," She said, noticing the confusion on Brittany's features. "She contracted an infection last night that she couldn't shake herself due to her being so weak at the moment. Her heart almost gave out on us," The nurse paused as a horrified gasp escaped Brittany's lips. "We managed to stabilise her and get her hooked up to a ventilator which will breathe for her but these next 24 hours will be crucial,"

Brittany put her head in her hands, her body shaking with sobs. Mrs Pierce couldn't quite get the words around her own mind either.

"What kind of infection?" Mrs Pierce asked softly.

The nurse hesitated before answering. "Santana suffered a lot of internal injuries. Her body's unable to fight against any bacteria that get to her. She has pneumonia,"

Mrs Pierce raised a hand to her mouth and took in a deep breath. No wonder the nurse believed the next 24 hours would be crucial. It could be a matter of life or death for the poor girl.

"We've currently got Santana on many forms of medication that will help her body to fight against it. If we can see an improvement in the next 24 hours then we may have a better outlook at what might happen later. But for now we need to focus on the day ahead. She'll be on this medication, regardless of what happens in the next day, for around three or four days,"

"When can we see her?" Brittany's broken voice startled them.

"You can see her now if you like, Brittany," The nurse said gently.

"Yeah, I want to see her,"

"Okay. It might be a bit scary, okay? She has a big tube in her mouth, bigger than last time and it's that tube that's helping her breathe. The machine's quite noisy but it's nothing to worry about,"

Brittany nodded and stood up, wiping her eyes with her sleeves.

"Are you coming, mum?" She whispered.

"No, sweetheart, I'll wait outside for you, okay? Let you two have some time," Mrs Pierce said.

Brittany looked at her for a few seconds, questions in her eyes, then followed the nurse out of the room. The corridors were empty but then it was half one in the morning. She shouldn't expect many people to be around this late.

"Are you sure you're okay to do this?" The nurse asked as they stepped into the elevator and made their way up to the next floor.

"I've sat with her this past two weeks haven't I?" Brittany pointed out.

The nurse didn't say anything after that. They entered the ICU floor and squirted some gel onto their hands to get rid of any lingering bacteria. Brittany glanced around, suddenly feeling ten years old. It was a big floor. Directly in the middle was a reception desk. One person currently occupied it. Surrounding the desk were doors. Doors that led into rooms. Rooms that held very ill people. The nurse led Brittany to a door at the far end.

She stopped outside it and smiled gently at Brittany. Then she pulled down on the handle and opened the door. Santana was all Brittany could see. The noise of the machine was loud but she barely noticed it. Santana's chest was rising and falling in a weird rhythm but as long as she was breathing Brittany didn't care.

She slowly walked over to the bed, the sight of her girlfriend on a ventilator causing the tears to continue flowing. Santana's right hand had an IV tube attached to it so she walked around to the other side of the bed and took her left hand instead. It felt cold although the room was quite warm but it was still Santana's.

"Hey, baby," Brittany whispered, smiling through her tears. "What are you doing here, eh?"

The tube in Santana's mouth was quite scary. Her mouth was open wide, unlike last time, and the tube was attached with dark tape. Brittany was worried about it hurting her; her chin was swollen, her lips bruised.

"You know, I dreamt about you last night," Brittany murmured, using her free hand to trace Santana's eyelids. "It was quite sad, really. But I heard your voice again. I'd do anything to get that chance, San,"

Santana didn't move. The monitors didn't change.

"I knew something had happened," Brittany mused, sitting down on the bed beside her. "I could... feel it, you know? I didn't want to admit it but it was there,"

Brittany gently ran her hand through Santana's hair, smoothing it back, away from her face. She ran her finger over familiar ground, starting with Santana's temple, moving slowly down to her jaw. Her neck wasn't covered up anymore. Brittany could see the hand shaped bruise clearly now and it did nothing in making her feel better.

As gently as she could she placed her own fingers over it. The hand on Santana's neck was bigger than hers which meant, to Brittany, that it was Santana's father who'd done that particular one. She hoped he burnt in hell.

Brittany bent her head and kissed Santana's forehead delicately. She used to do the same thing when Santana was ill. It always made her feel better. Now though, her baby stayed still.

"You're so beautiful, San," Brittany whispered. "Please get through this. Don't leave me behind,"

Her voice cracked and a new torrent of tears made their way down her cheeks.

"Do you... Do you remember that time you kept being sick? And you couldn't work out why," Brittany said. "And I came over to yours and we sat up all night watching movies and you fell asleep, right here, in my arms. And when you woke up you weren't sick anymore,"

She ran the back of her finger down Santana's bare arm, the scars making their presence known. These scars would forever tell Santana's story. But would she want that reminder? Santana used to say _I do this so I can feel something other than the numbness inside_ but Brittany hadn't really understood. She'd have to ask her when Santana got back on her feet.

"I love you so much," Brittany said softly, smiling. "I always knew that, right from the first day I laid eyes on you,"

Santana hadn't known back then that Brittany was gay too. Brittany hadn't really told anyone. Her parents knew, and they were totally cool with it, but other than that no-one knew about her. Well, they did now.

"Mum's here," Brittany said, glancing to the small window overlooking the floor where she could see her mum peering in. "She's worried about you too. But I told her you're gonna get better,"

The machine continued to pump air into Santana's system, that same noise over and over again. The monitors were beeping, flat, monotonous beeps. Brittany was content to stay here forever, listening to that noise, focusing on how strong it sounded, hoping somewhere deep in her heart that it was a sign of some sort. A sign that Santana was going to be just fine.

"Brittany?" Her mum said, her head peaking round the door.

"Mum, look, she's still here," Happiness lightened Brittany's tone.

Mrs Pierce stepped forward, smiling in an understanding way that Brittany didn't like. Mrs Pierce knew that Santana wasn't out of the woods yet, not by a long shot, but she didn't have the heart to wipe the smile from Brittany's face. It was a smile she hadn't seen for a long time. Sure, she smiled every time she saw Santana but she'd spent the night thinking Santana would be gone by morning and here she was, breathing, right in front of them.

Except it wasn't her breathing. At least not all her. The machine was helping her do it. And until she could breathe on her own she wasn't okay.

"We have to go home, sweetie," Mrs Pierce said slowly, knowing full well that Brittany would be disgusted.

"No, I'm not leaving her," Brittany said defiantly.

"Brittany, you're exhausted. The nurses are doing everything they can, she won't be on her own here," Mrs Pierce reasoned.

"She will be, mum," Brittany said. "Santana and I vowed to never leave each other behind. Unless... Unless the other one told us to. And she did tell me to let her go, but I won't, I'm not giving up on her. She wouldn't give up on me,"

Mrs Pierce hesitated before speaking. Truth was, she was worried; her daughter wasn't looking after herself. "I know you love Santana, more than anything else in the world. But you're not looking after yourself. She won't want to wake up without you here because you're too ill to be here, Britt,"

Brittany stood up, Santana's hand still in hers, and faced her mother with a defiant look on her face.

"I'm sorry," She said quietly. "But I'm not leaving her. I'm here till... till she wakes up, or until her heart stops beating,"

Mrs Pierce's heart stuttered at Brittany's words, the love for Santana something she'd never witnessed before. She was suddenly incredibly worried about what Santana passing away would do to her daughter.

"Okay," She whispered. "Okay, you can stay here with her. But I need to go home, get changed,"

"Thank you," Brittany said, bending forward and kissing her mum softly on the cheek.

Mrs Pierce watched as Brittany sat back down, Santana's hand clenched tightly between Brittany's, then left the room, heaviness on her heart. Brittany smiled at Santana. Her beautiful girl. Brittany knew that the words she'd spoken to her mother were true. But there was an underlying fact in those words. Brittany had said she wasn't leaving Santana until she woke up or her heart stopped beating. Because if Santana's heart stopped beating there was no way Brittany's was carrying on.

She couldn't live without Santana now. And she wouldn't. Not ever.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Six**

_It wasn't the first time I'd passed out from a beating but it was the first time I can recall not remembering what the beating was actually for. I kept my eyes shut tight, afraid of what I might see if I opened them, afraid of what might be waiting. My entire body was aching. I could feel each part of me screaming as if it had separate voices of its own. _

_I did a mental assessment of the part that hurt most and decided it had to be my ribs. They were throbbing and whenever I took a breath in I could feel them protesting as if I was pulling them apart. My shoulders hurt too and I suddenly recalled my dad tightening his grip around them, shaking me so hard my head fell back. _

_I was struggling to breathe. The pain in my ribs intensified with each breath I took, feeling as though I was being stabbed by a hundred different knives. A sticky substance was dripping down my cheek and I raised a shaking hand to confirm what I already knew. Blood fell between my fingers when I drew them away, the red making me feel nauseated. I briefly closed my eyes before wiping my fingers on my trousers. _

_I could hear nothing but the pounding in my heart as I lay there. There wasn't any noise around me, nor was there any noise downstairs. For this I was glad. It seemed as if I had the house to myself and I was incredibly grateful. _

_Whilst I was lying there, as I usually did at times like these, I thought of Brittany. Our first kiss had been something I never anticipated. For one, I believed she was straight, not willing to make acceptances in any way, shape or form for a girl like me. For another, my mom had drummed it into me that I would never be worthy of anything, especially love from another so I had grown up expecting to die alone. The realisation that this wasn't exactly true was something that still seemed like a fairytale. I was expecting to wake up from this dream any day now, Brittany falling back in step with Quinn and not thinking twice of me._

_I had other options too. Other than the dream option, I still believed that Brittany wouldn't want me sometime in the near future. I was happy while it lasted but I was scared to be hurt again, especially by her. I would enjoy it, I realised, but when the time where Brittany admitted it was fun but not her thing came I didn't know if I would be able to cope. I had lost someone I loved before and it had hurt far more than anything my parents had ever done. I was almost to the point of considering ending it myself, just so I wouldn't be hurt again but how could I do it? Brittany was a huge part of my life now and not having her with me would tear me apart._

_I slowly turned my head, finding that it wasn't as hard as it could have been and proceeded to moving the rest of my body. This hurt as much as I had expected. My entire body seemed to be in pain of some sort. I wasn't in any state to move much further so I settled myself again, staying as still as possible. _

_My eyes started to drift shut. I didn't want to go back to sleep but there was nothing else I could do. My head was pounding in time with my tired heart, an ache behind my eyes. Just before I fell into the darkness sleep brought I thought again of Brittany and imagined her holding my hand, her words falling onto me like snowflakes._

_X_

_I entered the choir room after school for Glee club with my head down, my hair falling across my face. I had woken up at three o' clock this morning. My eyes were heavy with exhaustion and I felt sure I'd fall asleep before Rachel Berry opened her mouth. I didn't pay much attention as the rest of the club filed in but I knew they were looking at me. I could feel their stares piercing me from all directions. _

_No-one said anything as they sat down. It was an uncomfortable silence but for once I didn't care. I just wanted to get this over with so that I could begin the walk home and go to bed. If I was allowed. After last night I really hoped they'd just ignore me again. When Mr Schue walked in, a bounce in his step like usual, I noticed him glance at me and then at the rest of the club. He must have sensed an atmosphere because he started fairly quickly._

"_Hey guys," He said, going over to the board and scrawling the word 'Diva' across it. "This week is Diva week and I know we have a few divas in here,"_

_Mercedes and Rachel were staring daggers at each other, already plotting the songs they would sing to make sure they won. I didn't say a word. I no longer felt like a diva. All the energy and the fight had gone from me. _

"_Santana?" Mr Schue asked, a question I'd missed. "Would you like to participate?"_

_I shook my head, making myself feel dizzy, and looked down, already hearing the whispers that followed my answer. Mr Schue hesitated for only a second before he started talking again but I wasn't listening. My eyes were closing against my will but the pain in my ribs was preventing me from sleeping. That and the fact that the Glee club had finally found its voice. _

"_Now, I want you each to come up with a song that shows your inner diva and present it to us, in turns, throughout the week," Mr Schue said. "Does anyone have anything they want to do today?"_

_No-one volunteered, most of them writing notes on their pads, preparing the songs they wanted to perform later on. I made to pick my bag up from the floor, presuming that it was over now, but Mr Schue suggested practicing a dance number. I froze. There was no way I'd be able to get through this. Did I join in and take whatever came? Or did I sit out and spark rumours or some kind of talk regarding my welfare?_

_I stood up along with the rest of the club and began to follow Mr Schue's movements. I'd wrapped several layers of bandages around my rib cage this morning which helped with my breathing but they were still incredibly sore and after a mere couple of minutes I found that I was struggling. I had no energy left in me, it literally felt as though I was a dead man walking. _

_The room was getting smaller. I could see it shrinking, the Glee club and Mr Schue appeared to be even further away than I'd first imagined. I couldn't feel the pain in my ribs any more. It seemed with the darkness came the numbness. My heart was pounding fast in my chest, my eyesight obscured with tiny dots. I heard someone say my name but I was too far gone to pay attention._

_I didn't feel the pain as I hit the floor._

_X_

"_Santana? Santana, can you hear me?" _

_I kept my eyes shut tight, once again terrified to open them. I didn't move an inch, expecting to feel some kind of pain if I did. _

"_If you can hear me then open your eyes, Santana," _

_I didn't want to open my eyes. Why did they keep saying my name? I knew who I was. I knew they were talking to me. But who were they? Suddenly I stiffened. Without opening my eyes I curled up, defensively, and put my hands over my face._

"_Santana? Maybe we should call an ambulance,"_

_At these words I opened my eyes. If it had been my parents talking to me they would never have suggested an ambulance. I looked up. Mr Schue was bending over me, the entire Glee club stood just behind him. That's right, I fainted in Glee. What would I say to get myself out of this one? I slowly sat up, ignoring the ache in my ribs, and leant back against the steps. Mr Schue kept a cautious hand on my shoulder, his eyes wide with worry._

"_Are you okay?" He asked me._

"_Yeah, I think so," I muttered, running a shaking hand through my hair._

_Mr Schue turned around._

"_Maybe you guys should go home, give her some space," He suggested._

_I felt a rush of gratitude towards him at that moment. There was nothing I wanted more than to get their stares away from me and go home. I didn't watch as each of the members left the choir room, whispering to each other. When it was only Mr Schue and I left I sat up a bit straighter and winced, a hand falling straight to my stomach. _

_I had looked myself over this morning. Bruises covered every inch of my stomach and my ribs, I had a bruise on my chin too. It was noticeable which was why I'd been avoiding Brittany all day; she'd be certain to notice, plus she'd care enough to enquire about it._

"_What happened?" Mr Schue asked me, knocking me out of my reverie._

"_I guess I'm just a bit tired," I lied, avoiding making eye contact. _

"_Are you not getting much sleep?"_

"_I get the amount of sleep I should be getting. I just worked late last night," Lie number two._

_I could tell Mr Schue wasn't convinced so I glanced up and smiled slightly at him. This didn't do the wonders I'd hoped it would. He immediately took in the bruise on my chin, the bags under my eyes, the fading bruise from last week. _

"_What happened there?" _

_I inwardly sighed and looked away again._

"_I fell down the stairs. I got up in the night to go to the bathroom and couldn't see, it was really dark," I said, surprised by how smoothly the lie rolled off of my tongue._

"_Did you go to the hospital?" Mr Schue asked, now eyeing the hand around my waist._

"_No, I didn't need to. My dad's a doctor, he knew what to do," Lie number four. _

"_Okay, Santana," Mr Schue said, standing up. "I'm here if you need me though,"_

"_Yeah, sure," I said, standing up far too quickly and wobbling slighty._

_Before Mr Schue could do or say anything, however, I grabbed my bag and left the choir room. Somehow it'd been easier to lie to Mr Schue than to Brittany. He wasn't nearly as sure of my lies as Brittany was, nor did he seem to care as much. I knew he did care, otherwise he wouldn't have kept me behind, but that didn't stop the feeling coursing through me that he knew I was lying but thought it'd be better for him if he didn't question it. Then it wasn't his business. _

_Brittany was stood by my locker as I walked down the corridor. She looked pissed off, but then, I guess I would be if it had been her avoiding me all day._

"_Where have you been?" She asked me, no greeting coming first. "I've been so worried,"_

"_I was in Glee club," I replied, giving no more indication to my whereabouts than that._

"_Yeah, Sam told me," Brittany said, watching my reaction. "He also told me you passed out,"_

"_I'm just tired today, Britt, honestly it's nothing to worry about,"_

"_I don't believe you," Brittany murmured. "Why have you been avoiding me all day?"_

"_I haven't, I guess we just didn't pass each other today," I said, desperate to get out of this building._

_Brittany curled her hand under my chin to lift my face up but as she did so I flinched and she quickly drew away. I knew she'd noticed the bruise then. Her silence said it all. It was the most uncomfortable silence I'd ever witnessed. Without a word to Brittany I started walking again, my footsteps echoing in the empty corridor. The front doors swung open and I took in a deep breath, feeling freer than ever. _

"_Santana!" I could hear Brittany calling my name but I didn't turn around. I needed to get home. "Santana, please, wait,"_

_Brittany caught up with me soon enough. I couldn't walk as fast as I wanted any more due to the pain in my stomach and ribs. She stopped in front of me so that I couldn't walk any further and sighed, briefly closing her eyes._

"_What happened?" She asked me, getting straight to the point._

_I was beginning to get sick of the question. _

"_I fell down the stairs last night, okay?" I said again, the lie sounding a bit more real now I'd already said it once._

"_How did that happen?"_

"_I needed to use the bathroom and it was dark," I shrugged, letting her work out the rest for herself._

_Brittany stepped forward slightly and tucked a stray bit of hair behind my ear. Then she leant forward and pressed her lips to mine. We'd officially been together for a month now. Well, we were official with each other, but no-one else knew. I wanted it to stay that way, at least until we left high school. Maybe then we'd be able to be together without anyone making judgements at us, or making our lives even harder._

_Although, to be fair, I hadn't seen or heard much of Quinn since that time a month ago when Brittany had told her to back off. Rather than feeling grateful at her sudden disappearance I was worried. I knew too much about people to think someone like her would just stop bullying the both of us because of Brittany. I was worried about what she might have found out that would make her wait before she attacked again. I couldn't see another option. A leopard never changes its spots._

_Brittany drew away first and slung her arm around my shoulders._

"_I'll walk you home," She said, smiling._

_At her words I started to panic. I could feel my palms becoming sweaty, the ringing in my ears wouldn't quieten, the beat in my heart wouldn't slow. Brittany couldn't walk me home, she just couldn't. There'd be questions, interrogations. She might get hurt._

"_I... I can walk myself home," I insisted. "Besides, it's quite a while away,"_

"_That's fine, I don't have to be home just yet," _

_I couldn't think of anything else to say. We continued to walk, Brittany chatting happily at my side, maybe glad that my story seemed to fit with my injuries. She hadn't questioned it at least. I leant into her contact after a while. I was seemingly at ease with her, and wanted to enjoy the time I had whilst it lasted. Suddenly a thought came to me. I could leave Brittany at the end of the road and walk to my house alone. My parents wouldn't see her and both of us would be spared._

_I relaxed slightly after that but I was still a bit worried about how to phrase this idea to Brittany when the time came. When we reached my road I stopped and gently connected our lips. It was only a brief kiss but it meant as much to me as all the long ones did. I gently squeezed her hand and smiled._

"_You can go home now, my house is just over there," I pointed my house out, my heart skipping a beat when I saw my parent's cars in the drive._

"_I can walk you to the door can't I?" Brittany said, smiling back._

"_My parents don't know about me yet," I said, not a lie. "I don't tend to bring people back with me, they'd ask questions," Also, not a lie._

"_Oh, yeah, of course," Brittany said, as if she'd been stupid not to know that. "I'm so sorry, I didn't realise,"_

"_Don't be," I said. "I would have been the same,"_

"_I'll call you later, okay?" Brittany said, bending down and kissing my forehead._

"_Okay, see you tomorrow," I said, beginning the walk to my house._

_I didn't turn back to see whether Brittany had gone or not. I kept walking just in case my parents were looking for me through the window and wondered why I was turning around to wave and smile at some unknown being. I rummaged in my pockets for my keys and cursed myself, remembering too late that they were sat upstairs on my bed._

_I took a deep breath and knocked on the door, knowing they'd be furious with me for forgetting. I didn't have to wait long. My mom opened the door, a scowl forming on her face at the sight of me and took my arm, dragging me into the house. She slammed the door behind me with such force that I flinched, certain she'd aimed it at me._

_My father came out of his office at that moment, a glass of what looked like sherry in his hand. With him in front of me and my mother behind me I felt quite enclosed and isolated._

"_Did you forget your keys?" He asked me, his voice sounding lower than usual but not yet slurred._

"_Yes, they're upstairs," I said, twisting my hands by my stomach._

"_So you thought you'd knock on the door and disturb whatever we're doing just so you can come in?" _

"_I... Yes," I said, realising that I couldn't really make much of an argument to that._

"_You selfish, lazy, ungrateful little cow," My mother spat, her voice no louder than a whisper. "We feed you, we clothe you, we give you a roof over your head and this is how you repay us?"_

"_I'm sorry," I said, truly meaning it._

"_Go to your room," My father said, fury in his tone. "We don't want to see you again tonight,"_

_I didn't say a word, merely walked past them both and made my way upstairs. My mother's words stung like knives but I'd gotten out of a beating for now. I quietly closed my bedroom door and sunk down on the bed, lying back and closing my eyes. I couldn't leave the room now they'd ordered me into it so I wouldn't be able to go and get some paracetamal to help ease the pain._

_I curled up on my side and sang quietly to myself, keeping my phone right by my head. I wanted Brittany to call now but she was very literal so later would be later tonight. I don't know how long I was lying there, or what thoughts were going round my head. All I knew was that it'd been at least four hours and I was sat here with a pair of scissors, my sleeves pulled up to my elbows. I can't remember making a conscious decision to do this or even thinking of doing this at all. But when I forced the open blade of the scissors into my skin I felt something other than the pain inside._

_It was a strange feeling. As my skin broke apart, and the blood seeped out, I could feel the other negative feelings leaving my body, leaving me with a feeling of great relief and a kind of drunkenness I'd never experienced before. It was a release._

_I did this again and again, no longer aware of the sun setting outside my window, no longer aware of the ache in my stomach and ribs, no longer aware of how hungry I felt. I hadn't felt this relieved in months. _

_When my arm was covered in blood and long, deep cuts, I dropped the scissors and gazed at what I'd done. Part of me still felt that beautiful release, that beautiful relief. Another part now felt ashamed, unsure of what I'd done or why I'd done it. I pulled a towel out from my chest of drawers and wrapped my arm in it, creating more pain than the scissors had. I gently lay back, smiling slightly to myself and relished the fact that finally, I was in control._

**Hey everyone. I'm so so so so sorry I haven't updated this in so long! I completely lost track of time and then, when I came to writing it, I found I couldn't. I've really struggled with this chapter so a review would be really nice! I hope it wasn't as bad as I think it is! And Guest, thank you for pointing that out.**

**Please read and review! Thank you!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Seven**

It had been a full week since Santana had been moved away from the ICU. She was breathing on her own again but was still on medication for pneumonia. Brittany knew the nurses were pleased with Santana's progress but she couldn't help feeling like she should be worried. Santana used to tease her rotten for her consistent worrying although with Santana by her side it was easier not to worry at all.

Brittany was sat in Santana's room, reading a magazine that she'd brought with her. Occasionally she'd read bits out that she thought Santana might like but otherwise she just sat in silence, grateful for the absence of that ventilator. She tried to focus on the magazine, truly she did, but images of previous encounters with Santana kept reaching the forefront of her mind.

She couldn't help but think of the time Santana turned up at her house, beaten and bleeding, begging not to be hurt again. As though she was watching a video Brittany saw again the bruises on Santana's face; her chin, her eyes, her cheeks. She saw the blood seeping through the torn clothes that she was wearing. She saw how Santana could barely stand upright and remembered wondering how on earth she'd managed the journey over.

Brittany closed her eyes and shook her head. She hated thinking of that day. She hated _herself _for that day. Her parents had been on holiday for two weeks and it was in the second week that Santana had turned up. Brittany realised, once Santana had returned home, that she'd never had Santana turn up on her doorstep before and now, since mentioning her parents were away, Santana had come over. She couldn't help thinking that the two were linked. She knew Santana hadn't planned to be hurt that week but she must have believed she had somewhere to go away from adult eyes. And Brittany, being the stupid girl she was, had been convinced by Santana not to call the police or an ambulance and just let her go home.

Would Santana be in this situation now if Brittany had ignored her pleas? She didn't know. What she did know, however, was that she could have helped Santana and hadn't, being far too scared to lose her sooner than later. And now, here they were, Santana lying broken in a hospital and her, close to losing her anyway.

Brittany sighed and stood up, her hand trailing the thin sheets that covered Santana's body. She hadn't seen any further than Santana's face and arms and she wasn't sure she wanted to. She wasn't even sure how far her injuries extended but they must be bad as Santana had suffered broken ribs and extreme internal trauma.

"I have to go now," She said quietly, pressing her lips to Santana's. "I'll be back later though, I promise,"

Santana didn't say anything. Underneath the bruises her face was pale, but then she'd always been pale. Brittany ran her hand down Santana's face, from her temple to her jaw, then carefully placed the magazine on Santana's bedside table.

"I love you," Brittany said, pausing at the door.

She closed the door behind her and made her way down the corridor. The nurse's station was just around the corner but Brittany was scared to see them, afraid that the tears would appear. One nurse who checked on Santana now and again smiled at her when she neared them and she smiled back, despite the agony in her chest.

"We'll see you later, yeah," She said, tapping away at the computer in front of her. It wasn't a question.

"See you later," Brittany said, walking away fast so they wouldn't see her tears.

X

"Brittany, you've hardly eaten anything," Mrs Pierce said, watching her daughter roll various pieces of food around her plate.

"I'm not hungry, mom," Brittany said honestly. Truth was, she hadn't eaten all day but she hadn't wanted to. Food was merely a necessity to her now, not something she enjoyed.

"Do you want some ice cream instead? That always used to make you feel better," Mrs Pierce said, attempting to get her to eat _something. _

"Yeah, when I was seven," Brittany muttered. Here, she wasn't being entirely truthful. She could remember a bunch of memories with Santana that involved ice cream. Even now the thought made her stomach feel comfortable rather than the knotted feeling she'd had all day.

"Don't give me that," Her mom said, smiling. "I know you're a sucker for ice cream,"

Brittany stayed staring at her plate but couldn't help the small smile that escaped. She was a sucker for ice cream, but she hadn't eaten any since Santana had suggested it when she was upset over Artie calling her stupid.

"You can't go to the hospital on an empty stomach. Do you think Santana will want to hear your stomach rumbling all night?"

Brittany looked up then, her mother's warm eyes soft around the edges, a smile gracing her lips. She pushed the plate away from her and nodded, smiling slightly herself. Mrs Pierce jumped up and took both plates away, returning minutes later with two bowls of ice cream. She'd even added sauce and sprinkles, something Brittany only used to get when her mom was celebrating.

"Thanks, mom," Brittany said, spooning some and placing it in her mouth.

It melted straight away but caught her teeth. She screwed her eyes up until the feeling had disappeared and reopened them to see her mom trying not to laugh.

"What?" She challenged.

"Your face," Her mom said, doing an accurate impression across the table.

Brittany couldn't help but smile at her mom's expression. Mrs Pierce seemed happy with the way the conversation was going, having not seen Brittany smile for a while. It wasn't a true smile, not one that reached her eyes, but it was a smile nonetheless. When they'd both finished Brittany grabbed her coat and a bag from the bottom of the stairs.

"I'll see you later," She called over her shoulder, already out the door.

"See you later, honey," Mrs Pierce said softly, watching until her daughter's headlights were out of sight.

X

Brittany arrived outside Santana's room just as visiting hours started. She slowly opened the door, Santana in the exact same position as earlier, and sat down beside her, removing her coat as she did so.

"Hey, baby," Brittany murmured, grasping Santana's hand. "Mom made me ice cream, with sprinkles and everything. I bet you can have some when you wake up,"

She gently curled herself up next to Santana and slung her left arm over Santana's body protectively. She placed her forehead against Santana's hair and closed her eyes, breathing in the familiar scent that she missed so much. There was nothing else she wanted more than for Santana to open her eyes, smile and kiss her again. She wasn't even bothered about Glee anymore and any of the gossip going around the school. She was no longer interested in applying for anything either, not without Santana.

Their breathing was the only thing she could hear now. Night fell over the room like a blanket, the darkness enshrouding them both. Brittany counted each breath Santana took like it was talisman, something she could hold on to and take home with her, a hope she could cling to like she had nothing left. She needed Santana's heart to keep beating, she needed those breaths to keep coming. Otherwise she'd be left behind, something Santana promised she'd never do.

X

The next day at school everyone avoided Brittany like she was something nasty they'd stepped in. Her eyes were bloodshot as she hadn't slept all night and there were dark rings underneath. Added to that she looked like she'd just got out of bed which was kind of true. She'd been tossing and turning all night until her alarm went off. Even then she'd just thrown something on, ran the brush through her hair and left, not caring enough to eat breakfast.

"Brittany, wait up!"

Brittany turned around to see Quinn walking towards her, a textbook in her hands.

"Hey, Q," Brittany said quietly, her voice full of exhaustion.

"What's the matter? Has something happened to Santana? Is she okay? Is it something at home? Have you found out something you didn't know before?" Quinn said, firing questions from all angles.

"Quinn, what?" Brittany asked her, confused beyond recognition. "Santana's okay, same as she was when you asked yesterday, and no, I don't know anything else,"

"But you look..." Quinn didn't quite know how to sum it up without sounding offensive. "Awful,"

"Thanks, you look great too," Brittany mumbled, making her way towards the choir room.

"I didn't mean it like that," Quinn said, slowly. "I just meant, you look tired,"

"I didn't get any sleep last night," Brittany said, stifling a yawn. "I spent the evening with Santana, went home and couldn't sleep,"

They took their usual seats in the choir room, no other members there yet. Brittany rubbed her eyes and leant back against the chair, just wanting this to be over so she could and see Santana.

"You can't keep on like this, Brittany," Quinn said suddenly. "It's not good for you,"

"Keep on like what?"

"I know you love Santana but what are you gonna do if she doesn't wake up for months, or years even," Quinn said, turning around to face Brittany. "You can't just stop living,"

"I'll wait for her, even if it takes that long," Brittany said, thinking hard about her answer. "I spent my whole life waiting for her, Quinn. She came along, took my breath away and now here we are, back to square one, waiting for her again. But this time, I know she's waiting for me too. She just can't... connect with us yet,"

"Brittany, what you said is... sweet, don't get me wrong. But do you really think Santana wants to wake up and see that you put your whole life on hold, for her?"

"I know she'd do the same for me," Brittany muttered.

Quinn couldn't argue with that; she probably would. The rest of the club filed in, chatting animatedly about things Brittany didn't even want to care about. She heard someone pull up a chair next to her but didn't turn to see who it was.

"So, how's Santana?"

The whole room went quiet. Brittany turned her head and saw Kurt sitting beside her, his face completely focused on hers and not on the ones that were now looking at him for daring to ask out loud. He smiled softly at her when she looked at him, such a cute grin that she smiled back. She smiled back because he'd asked, because he was looking at her, because he was smiling, because he cared.

"She's not too bad, Kurt," Brittany said, aware of other ears listening in.

"I heard she was a bit rough last week, huh?" Kurt said softly.

"Yeah, she was in the ICU but she's out now, she's okay,"

"Would you mind if I came to see her later?" Kurt asked, ignoring the gasps and whispers that started once he'd spoken.

"Of course not," Brittany smiled again, a true smile, her unicorn lighting up her world with one question. "I could give you a lift?"

"That'd be great," Kurt smiled before taking her hand and squeezing it gently.

Mr Schue entered the room, smiling widely as he usually did, a folder of sheet music in his hands. Before he could speak Kurt raised his hand and waited patiently for Mr Schue to motion him on to the floor.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking lately," He began. "About Santana,"

The whole room was once again silent but Brittany was hanging onto every word.

"When my dad was in a coma, Brittany, you were there. And now the one you love is in a coma and I haven't been there. I can't really explain why I haven't been around but I know I'm being heartless. Santana means a lot to me, not as much as she means to you, but she does, honestly, mean so much. I want to dedicate this song to the both of you cos I know she was hurting long before this happened, and I know you're hurting now too."

Brittany's expression was one of sadness when Kurt finished talking. His words meant more to her than anything else and right now she wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and thank him, thank him for everything. But he'd started singing, and it was his voice, more than anything, that kept her glued to her seat.

_**Dear friend,**_

_**What's on your mind,**_

_**You don't laugh the way you used to,**_

_**But I've noticed how you cry.**_

_**Dear friend,**_

_**I feel so helpless,**_

_**I see you sit in silence,**_

_**As you face new pain each day,**_

_**I feel there's nothing I can do,**_

_**I know you don't feel pretty,**_

_**Even though you are**_

_**But it wasn't your beauty,**_

_**That found room in my heart,**_

_**Dear friend**_

_**You are so precious**_

_**Dear friend**_

_**Dear friend,**_

_**I'm here for you,**_

_**I know that you don't talk too much,**_

_**But we can share this day anew,**_

_**Dear friend**_

_**Please don't feel like you're alone**_

_**There is someone who is praying,**_

_**Praying for your peace of mind,**_

_**Hoping joy is what you find,**_

_**I know you don't feel strong,**_

_**Even though you are,**_

_**But it wasn't your strength,**_

_**That found room in my heart,**_

_**Dear friend,**_

_**You are so precious,**_

_**Dear friend.**_

When Kurt finished singing Brittany had tears running down her cheeks. She knew the song was better suited for Santana but she could hear the hidden message behind it meant for her. _I'm here for you. _The choir room was filled with applause but Kurt only had eyes for Brittany. She slowly stood up and walked over to him.

"Thank you," She whispered.

She threw her arms around his neck and felt him tighten his behind her waist. She buried her face into his shoulder and let him hold her, as her tears dissolved into the back of his shirt.

X

Brittany smiled as Kurt linked their hands together and started to lead him towards Santana's room. He was nervous, of course, but he meant what he'd said. He was there for both of them. He honestly did feel a kind of love towards Santana. She may have picked on him when she first arrived at McKinley but he understood her anger at the world.

If was being totally honest the only reason he knew for her anger was the feelings she had inside about herself, her sexuality. He had suspected that something was going on at home, especially when she became so withdrawn that no-one could pull a word from her; the bruises she turned up at school with; the constant pain she seemed to be in. Until Brittany transferred he'd never seen a smile on her face. They truly connected with each other.

He didn't really understand the reason behind why she was here but he could guess. He was intelligent. He hadn't wanted to believe it at first, who could do that to their own child? But here it was, the evidence right in front of him.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Brittany asked him as they walked down the corridor.

"Of course," Kurt said, his eyes warm.

"Hello, Brittany," Her favourite nurse said, glancing up and freezing at the sight of the boy holding her hand.

"Hey, this is Kurt," Brittany said, introducing them both.

"Hello," Kurt said, waving slightly with his free hand.

"Are you... Well, I mean... Are you?" The nurse said, her eyes darting to their interlocked hands.

"Oh, no," Kurt said, laughing. "I'm gay,"

The nurse looked startled but didn't pursue it further. Brittany clasped her lips together to stop herself from laughing and tugged Kurt's hand, pulling him towards Santana's room. She hesitated but opened it once Kurt nodded, an encouraging smile on his face.

The room was homey, warm to look at. But what caught his attention was the beautiful girl lying in the bed. With a little help from Brittany he walked towards her, his eyes taking in everything at once so that he wouldn't stare fully when he reached her. Underneath the bruises he could see the girl he loved, the feisty kind, not the one her parents had made her.

"Hey, San," He said quietly, aware that she wouldn't wake up to loud noise but wanting to be careful anyway.

Brittany let go of his hand and sat down beside Santana on her other side. Kurt copied her, unsure of what to do with his hands. Eventually he held Santana's, cupping her small one between his own. She was cold. He gently lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it softly, her skin smooth.

"So this is where you've been hiding, eh?" He said, keeping her hand firmly between his.

Brittany took Santana's other hand. Kurt smiled over at her, not nearly as nervous as he was before and then smiled at Santana.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get here," He said. "But I'm here now, and Britt and I, we're just gonna wait for you to join us,"

Brittany smiled and used her other hand to rub Kurt's shoulder. Together they looked down at the broken girl between them, and sighed, praying for her to come back to them, and soon.

**Hey guys! I can't say I'm entirely happy with how this chapter turned out but I'm more at peace with it than the other one! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far! It really does mean the world to me.**

**Let me know what you think!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Eight**

_I sat down in my usual chair in the choir room and waited patiently for the rest of Glee club to arrive. I was slightly early due to my teacher going home because of a family emergency but I didn't mind. It was kind of nice having a room where I was alone for a while, peaceful in a way. _

_I absentmindedly slid my hand up my left sleeve, running my fingers gently over the cuts on my wrist, pressing down slightly to ease some of the anxiety settling in the pit of my stomach. It had been a full week since that first time yet I'd done it every day since. Sometimes I didn't even have a reason for why I did it; I just felt I needed to. _

_Kurt strolled into the room first, both hands curled around the strap of his bag. He glanced over at me and smiled softly, his gaze lingering for a second too long. I removed my hand and crossed my right leg over my left one, trying to hide the bruises on my knee. He didn't seem to notice as he took his seat and put his bag underneath the chair. We sat in silence for several minutes before he spoke. I still, to this day, can't get over his voice. It's nice to listen to, one I can listen to for quite a while before I get irritated; very unlike Berry's. _

"_Are you okay?" He asked me, not looking round, just staring at the nails on his right hand._

_His question startled me, almost to the point where I just burst out with an answer. A few sentences came to the forefront of my mind 'No, Kurt, I'm not. My parents beat me pretty much every day and then I cut myself just to ease the pain they caused. I barely eat any more because I just don't have the energy and besides, I'll get kicked off the Cheerio's if I put on more weight than I have already and apart from that I only have Glee club which, let's face it, is at the bottom of the pile so no, I'm not okay' but I found myself forming different words._

"_Yeah, I'm okay," _

_I could have sworn a sigh escaped his lips but it was so quiet I couldn't be sure. He seemed tired. Had I been so wrapped up in myself and how I was feeling that I'd completely pushed this aside?_

"_Are you okay?" I asked him, noticing how he paused before answering too._

"_I'm not too bad actually," He said, turning to face me. _

_He had beautiful eyes, not Brittany beautiful, but certainly beautiful enough to make all the men fall for him. I felt a kind of jealously when our eyes connected. Here he was, comfortable enough with his sexuality that everyone knew about it, and here I was, determined to stay in the closet until we left this stupid place. I suddenly found myself wishing I had his confidence, his feelings of being okay with what he was. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being who I am, I've accepted that part of me. But obviously not enough to make everyone else accept it too. _

"_I've seen you with Brittany quite a lot," Kurt observed._

"_Well, we're... friends, now," I said, not so much a lie._

_Kurt nodded slowly. _

"_For a couple of months now, huh?" He said._

"_Yeah, I met her in September, she needed help in Spanish," I told him, not sure why I was telling him anything. "Then we just sort of... Got on,"_

"_I'm glad," Kurt said, nodding. "There's a light in your eyes I've never noticed before,"_

"_What do you mean?" My heart was pounding._

"_With her, you seem to just... I don't know. Well, I do know. I can see the signs, been there done that," He said, smiling straight at me. "But there's a light in your eyes that wasn't there before you met her," He finished, shrugging as if it were no big deal._

_I didn't say anything. I bowed my head, my cheeks flaming, my heart still thumping madly in my chest, sure now that he knew my secret. I saw him turn away and go back to thinking in solitude but I was still desperate to talk to him. Maybe he could help._

"_Kurt..." I waited for him to turn back around. "I..."_

"_You don't have to say it," Kurt smiled. "I know, and it's fine, San. You know, I never really understood your hatred for me at the beginning but it all makes sense now,"_

"_I didn't hate you, Kurt," I said, stung by his words and now feeling incredibly guilty. _

"_I know, princess, you hated yourself," Kurt said sadly, looking at me with sad eyes. "And I don't think that's changed,"_

_Before he could say anything else Rachel and Finn walked into the room, talking about Christmas which was pretty much and month and a half away for God sake. I was dreading Christmas. Not so much the day, but the weeks we'd have off. I hated it here, obviously, but it was better than being there. _

_A few more minutes passed with more members arriving before Mr Schue entered the room, a bounce in his step as usual. I didn't look when he walked in; I didn't need to, I knew he was there. _

"_Hey guys! First off I'd like to say well done to all of you for your performances last week, and secondly I'd like to welcome our newest member to the club! Brittany Pierce!"_

_At this I did look up. Brittany was stood next to Mr Schue, her Cheerio's uniform clinging tightly to her body, a smile painted on her face. She was looking right at me, her eyes filled with the warmth I loved. A familiar sensation slid down my throat and landed somewhere in my stomach, like butterflies. I smiled back at her, finally having a friend in this club (besides maybe Kurt) and wrung my hands together, trying to get rid of the nervousness that was associated with being around her. _

"_Thank you for joining us, Brittany," Mr Schue said placing a hand on the small of her back and gently leading her to a seat that was directly in front of me. "Have a seat,"_

_Brittany sat down and turned to face me, smiling widely. I smiled back, feeling slightly happier than I had for a while. Finally, someone to share this with. Mr Schue was talking again but I barely noticed him. I kept my eyes on the back of Brittany's head, trying to guess what she was thinking. I wondered what she was thinking about being here, in this club when she had a reputation to protect as co caption of the Cheerio's. I wondered what she was thinking about being here with me, whether this was the reason she'd joined but then I cursed myself for making this about myself. _

_At the flurry of movement I looked up, now wondering what was going on. Brittany turned around again, this time all the way. I glanced around. The rest of the club were separating into small groups, notebooks in hand._

"_We have to think of songs to sing at Sectionals," Brittany told her, noticing her confusion. _

"_How long away is it?" I asked._

_Mr Schue must have overheard me and walked over, tapping his pen against his hand. He smiled down at me, too much concern in his eyes for my liking._

"_Well, it's nearing the end of October now and Sectionals is midway through November so I'd say about two weeks?" He said. _

"_Really... I didn't know it was that close," I muttered._

_Mr Schue looked concerned again but shrugged it off, walking over to the other groups to see what they'd come up with. I looked back at Brittany and was once again drawn in by her startlingly blue eyes. She was resting her chin against the back of her chair, using her eyes to watch me, also with the sadness that Mr Schue seemed to have._

"_Do you know any songs?" I asked her, determined to get that sadness out of her eyes._

"_Of course I do, you'd have to be living under a rock to have never heard some kind of music," Brittany mused. "Besides, what kind of parent doesn't sing to their children? Even if it is some kind of stupid nursery rhyme,"_

_I looked away. My parents had never sung to me. They didn't even know I was in Glee club; I was sure they wouldn't approve. Besides, they're not the type to use their voices for something beautiful._

"_I'm so sorry," Brittany said, sitting up straighter. "I should have thought,"_

"_No, no, it's fine, honestly," I said, smiling at her. _

"_You're doing it again," Brittany muttered._

"_Doing what?"_

"_Avoiding talk of your parents," _

_I sighed. It wasn't the words Brittany was speaking that bothered me, it was the truth behind them. I guess I'd been stupid to think that Brittany wouldn't notice how I was quick to change the subject when it came to my parents. But the less people that knew about it the better. She'd just worry, and I doubted she'd listen to my ramblings about deserving what I got. _

"_I just don't think they need to be spoken about," I said shrugging and immediately regretting it as the bruises on my shoulder blades stretched. "Besides, you don't talk about your parents,"_

"_They're on holiday, there's not much to say," She said, frowning slightly._

"_There's not much to say about mine either,"_

_Brittany had nothing to say to that. I could see the hurt in her eyes but for once I didn't feel that guilty. She'd be filled with far more hurt if she knew the real reason behind my subject changing. We continued the rest of Glee in silence, neither of us saying a single word._

_X_

_When I got home that night both my parents were waiting for me. They were stood in the kitchen, neither of them speaking, the phone on the table in front of them. I didn't say a word either, just put my bag on the floor by the door and began pulling things down from the cupboard, one by one. I was scared, incredibly so. I could sense a fury in the atmosphere and I wasn't ready for what they had planned._

"_Santana, come here," My father said._

_I briefly closed my eyes but put the knife down I was holding and walked over to them. My mom was looking at me with her lips pursed, like she was looking at something disgusting. My father just looked angry, but then, he always did._

"_We got a phone call today," He said._

_I frowned slightly. Who on earth would call my parents and say anything that would make them mad with me? I couldn't think of anyone so merely looked straight at my dad, hoping he'd provide me with an answer._

"_It was a teacher of yours,"_

_My whole body froze with understanding. Mr Schue... My father let out the breath he'd been holding as he saw the recognition lighten in my eyes. My hands began to shake at my side but I held myself steady. I didn't know what he'd said yet._

"_He seemed to be a bit concerned," My father said, his voice strangely calm but chilling. He moved around the table until he was standing directly in front of me then stopped. "According to him you've seemed a bit... down in Glee,"_

_I couldn't breathe. I stayed rooted to the spot, unsure of what I should do, what I should say. The worst possible thing Mr Schue could have mentioned was Glee. _

"_Do you care to tell me about this, Glee?" He asked me, his hands were curling into fists at his sides as he spoke. _

"_It's... It's a club, at school," I said, my voice hoarse._

_He smirked and glanced over at my mother who was shaking her head slightly. He grabbed my chin in his right hand and pushed me backwards until I collided with the wall. I could now sense his frustration, his anger at my betrayal to him._

"_And what do you do in this club?" He muttered his hand still tight around my chin._

"_We... I... I sing," I whispered._

"_Do you know what our views on singing are, Santana?"_

"_Yes, father," I said quietly, knowing that honesty with him was the best policy. Besides, he knew I knew their views. He'd told me enough times._

"_And yet, you still feel the need to defy us and go into this school to sing with a bunch of other losers like yourself?" _

"_It's... It's fun," I said, before I could stop myself._

_The first punch hurt but when the second one came I had already started to block it out. I fell to my knees, his hand now fisting in my hair. I didn't feel anything as his foot connected with my stomach and ribs over and over again. I didn't feel anything as the force of yet another punch sent me backwards into the wall so that I crumpled at his feet. I didn't even feel anything when he took the knife from the countertop and began cutting at my clothes with it. I did, however, feel the tears that flowed relentlessly down my cheeks. The tears that continued to flow long after they'd left the room._

_X_

_I woke up some time later, feeling incredibly sore. I could feel blood dripping down my forehead, blood dripping down my stomach. The kitchen was dark, and quiet apart from the humming of the refrigerator and the wind whistling outside. I slowly looked up at the clock and saw that it was just after seven. I'd been out for two hours. _

_I gently lifted my head, ignoring the throbs, and sat up, resting against the wall despite the pain in my back. I could see multicoloured dots in my eyes but made myself stand up regardless, unsure of what it was exactly that I was planning to do. Brittany._

_At the sudden realisation that Brittany was home alone I felt lighter inside. I could spend the night with her; she'd make it all go away. She'd make me feel better. And no adult would have to know. Brittany wouldn't tell. I slowly made my way towards the front door, using the wall to keep myself upright. My hand shook as I reached out to turn the door knob and let myself out._

_The cool night air hit my face and it felt so good that I took a deep breath, coughs wracking my body as I did. I stumbled slightly, using the fence now. It seemed to take forever to reach the end of the path but I did and suddenly the idea of walking to Brittany's seemed stupid. But I didn't want to be alone any more. I didn't have to tell Brittany anything. I just needed her. The only thought that kept me going was knowing that Brittany was at the end of the journey. _

_I took as many shortcuts as I could but the night seemed to go on forever. I knew I reached Brittany's road as soon as I turned the corner. I could see her house in the distance but it suddenly looked miles away. I stumbled towards the light I could see, knowing that she was minutes, seconds away from me. _

_I gently pushed the gate open..._

_I used her fence now to guide myself up her path..._

_The door was a touch away..._

_I leant against the door frame and knocked as hard as I could. I could hear a television coming from the front room. I lifted my head slightly, blinking back the blood in my eyes, searching for a door bell or something I could use to make her hear me. I forced my head higher and spotted her door bell. I raised a shaking hand and pressed it, once, twice, three times before letting my arm drop to my side, breathing fast._

"_I'm sorry if you knocked but I don't generally hear them plus I had the telly on quite loud so..." Brittany opened the door and stopped halfway through her speaking. I wobbled precariously before collapsing at her feet, my eyes closing against my will._

"_Oh, God, Santana," She said desperately, hooking her hands under my arms and pulling me gently into the house._

_Once she'd closed the door she curled her arms under my body and lifted me from the floor. _

"_Please don't hurt me..." I murmured, my head falling against her chest._

"_It's just me, San, I've got you," Brittany said lowering me onto the couch and kneeling down beside me. _

_I could feel her hand gently running over my forehead. I flinched at her touch, curling into a ball, the couch comfortable beneath me. _

"_I'll be back in a minute, don't worry," She assured me as I opened my eyes, panicked. "I promise I'll be back in a minute,"_

_I waited for what felt like hours for Brittany to return. I was suddenly wide awake, back to reality and realising how stupid I'd been in coming here. I was about to get up and leave when Brittany came back. She had a damp cloth in her hand and a cup of water in the other. _

"_Here, drink this," She said, gently lifting my head and putting the water to my lips._

_I gulped down the whole glass, still feeling incredibly thirsty then leant back against the pillow she provided. She placed the damp cloth against my forehead and it actually felt pretty nice. The burning in my head was slowly starting to ebb away and I closed my eyes again, Brittany's hand rubbing soothing circles over my knuckles. _

"_I'm sorry," I murmured. "I didn't mean to be bad,"_

"_You weren't bad, sweetie," Brittany said. "It's okay, I've got you,"_

"_No... more,"_

"_No-one's going to hurt you again," Brittany said, making sure not to promise anything. "You're okay,"_

_I wasn't sure when I fell asleep but I did know that Brittany was with me when I did. Brittany was with me wherever I went._

**Hey everyone. Again, I'm so sorry I haven't updated this for a while. You would not believe the week I've had. Plus I had writer's block. I panicked slightly because I wasn't sure how to write this chapter but I felt it needed to be included. To answer broken-timemachine's question – I'm not sure when Santana's parents are going to come into this. Currently they're being held at the police station, getting questioned and stuff. I'm not sure how to bring them into it so if anyone has any ideas I'd be so happy to hear them! **

**Anyway, I hope this chapter was okay and please read and review! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Nine**

Brittany pulled the covers over her head and sank further into her pillow. She knew it was getting late, probably near twelve o' clock now but visiting times for Santana weren't until four on a Saturday and, until then, she had no desire to get out of bed. She heard the doorbell ringing but didn't move an inch. Her mom was here; she could answer it.

Brittany could hear the hum of voices downstairs as her mom let whoever it was into the house but she merely turned over, her eyes still shut tight. However, when a soft knock sounded from across the room they shot open and she frowned. Her mom had already been up this morning to check on her. Brittany had made it clear she wasn't moving.

The door opened so she stayed as still as possible hoping whoever it was would assume she was still asleep and leave her alone. Her bed sagged down at the end slightly as the person sat down and Brittany's confusion escalated; who was it?

"Well, I never thought much of pink wallpaper but I'm guessing Lord Tubbington or whatever his name is likes it,"

Brittany couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face at the voice. She slowly prised herself away from the covers surrounding her and sat up against the headboard, her eyes focused solely on the boy sitting across from her. Kurt smiled back at her, his hands clasped together on his legs which were crossed.

"Good morning, princess," He said. "Or should I say good afternoon? Would that be more appropriate?"

"What are you doing here?" Brittany asked him pulling the covers up to her chin.

"I'm taking you out," Kurt said, his eyes lighting up when he spoke. "I know it's mid November but the weather's not too bad and besides you can wrap up,"

"I don't want to go out," Brittany said, prepared to dive under the covers again and sleep the next few hours away.

"Did I say you have a choice? Now come on, get out of bed and get dressed," Kurt said standing up and opening her curtains for her.

Brittany shielded her eyes against the sunlight that suddenly appeared and disappeared under her duvet again. Kurt sighed dramatically and took a part of the duvet in each of his hands. In one swift movement he removed them from her bed and dropped them at his feet. Brittany squealed and grabbed at them but Kurt took hold of her wrists and hoisted her from the bed.

"Kurt," Brittany moaned, pulling an angry face at him.

"You'll thank me later," He said, winking at her and letting her arms drop to her sides. "Now go on, get dressed,"

Brittany pulled her tongue out at him and crossed her arms. Kurt briefly closed his eyes and pretended to shake his head. Without warning he began to tickle her and she immediately began to fight back at him, laughing so hard she could barely speak.

"Okay, okay, I'll come," She said, her face flushed.

Kurt smiled and let go of her. A silence fell between them and Brittany looked down, suddenly feeling incredibly guilty.

"Brittany," Kurt said, waiting for her to look at him. "Laughing and going out and living your life won't make Santana any worse,"

Brittany nodded slightly and left the room, her head down. Kurt sighed and picked the duvet up from the floor. He was prepared to do whatever it took to make Brittany see that he was telling the truth.

X

Kurt linked his arm through Brittany's and interlocked their hands. She'd finally got dressed and agreed to go out with him but it'd taken some doing. It was only after her mom had promised to call if she heard anything and Kurt's promise to take her to the hospital for four that Brittany had finally said okay.

He'd decided to take her to the park by his own home, knowing that she adored ducks and also knowing that it was perfect for a picnic. She squeezed his hand gently, smiling up at him as they walked through the gate. The trees were swaying slightly in the cool breeze which wasn't really much of a breeze, more like someone blowing softly in your ear.

Brittany looked around as they walked, wondering how on earth Kurt knew that this was her favourite park and how he'd even brought bread with him to feed the ducks which she absolutely adored and how he'd packed food for them in a typical hamper for a picnic. She couldn't recall telling him but then she'd had so many conversations in her life that it was easy to forget.

"So, what first? We could walk around for a bit, or feed the ducks or if you're hungry I know the perfect spot to eat," Kurt said.

"Could we feed the ducks first?" Brittany asked him, a smile lighting in her eyes. "I haven't seen them in so long,"

_I know, _Kurt thought but merely smiled down at her, nodding. The lake in which the ducks were usually found came into view as they turned the corner of the path. Brittany knew it was big but she couldn't remember it being _that _big. Surrounding the lake were flowers of different colours which still looked beautiful despite the weather causing them to wilt. There were also lots of different shaped leaves lying on the ground which Brittany knew came from the trees around them.

Kurt led her to a bench that was situated just by the side of the lake. She sat down and watched, excitedly, as a single swan approached them, its eyes wary.

"Here," Kurt said, handing her a single slice of bread.

Brittany tore a bit off and placed it in the centre of her palm. Then she held her hand out towards the swan who strutted closer, craning its neck to see what she was offering. Without getting too close the swan lowered its mouth towards Brittany's hand and snatched the bread away from her, stepping backwards and eating it quickly.

Brittany looked at Kurt who had seen the exchange and smiled widely at him. When she turned back to face the lake she was startled. Ducks were swimming towards her but there were loads of them. Some of them were even clamouring over each other to get to her first. Brittany began tearing pieces of bread away and throwing it towards them but after a while she started to panic. What if one of the ducks fell out with her because she hadn't given him any?

She glanced back at Kurt who was also throwing bread at them. Her panic ebbed slightly; Kurt was feeding them too but she was still a bit worried.

"Don't worry," Kurt offered, noticing her distress. "We have a whole loaf here,"

He gestured towards the packet beside him and Brittany took some more bread. She let herself relax a bit as the hour wore on. She hadn't done this for so long and yet it felt like she'd been doing it forever.

When the whole loaf had gone and some of the ducks had disappeared back into the lake Brittany stood up and waited for Kurt to do the same. He briefly opened his mouth but closed it again when Brittany's stomach gave a convincing growl.

"I guess that's my answer," He said, smiling.

"Where's this perfect spot then?" Brittany asked him, linking their arms back together.

"Oh I think you'll know," Kurt said mischievously.

They started walking again, making their way across the lake and beginning the climb up one of the many hills in the park. Brittany clung to Kurt feeling the burning in her legs far more than he did. When they reached the top Brittany was out of breath.

"How can you manage Sue's workouts and not a walk up a hill?" Kurt asked in disbelief, practically dragging her along with him.

Brittany looked up at him like he was stupid. "I'm not walking _upwards _when I'm working out with Sue,"

Kurt rolled his eyes and decided not to say anything. He knew the moment Brittany worked out where they were going. She slowed down slightly, her breathing more spaced out, her grip on his arm less tight. A huge tree came into view. Hanging from the tree was a tire swing that was swaying in the breeze. From here they could see the entire park, spread out before them.

"Oh, Kurt," Brittany whispered as they neared the tree.

Kurt placed the hamper on the grass and unfolded a blanket from within. Not wanting to ruin his clothes he sat down on the blanket making sure that none of him was touching the ground. Brittany sat down beside him, her head bowed.

"What's wrong?" He asked her, taking the basket and placing it in between the two of them.

"How did you know all this?" She said, gesturing around them.

"Santana," He said, simply opening the basket and handing her a small bottle of lemonade.

Brittany looked up as he spoke. There were questions burning in her eyes and Kurt sighed.

"We were talking once," He said shrugging. "It was a competition type thing. I told her everything I knew about Blaine, she told me everything she knew about you,"

Brittany looked down again at the lemonade she was holding, still filled with a thousand questions she didn't want to ask. Kurt had obviously gone to a lot of trouble today and she didn't want to ruin it.

"She told me something else too," Kurt said, leaning back on his elbows and gazing at the tree above him.

"What?" Brittany asked, seizing on the comment.

"She told me to look after you," He said quietly. "She said... Look after her with everything in you. I think she was scared, Britt, scared of leaving you alone,"

"She won't leave," Brittany said just as quietly. "She'd never leave me alone,"

"I don't think she meant it like that," Kurt said, looking straight at her when he spoke. "She didn't sound... you know, like she was giving up. She just sounded like she needed reassurance, like she needed to know if something was to happen, that you'd be okay,"

Brittany didn't say a word. She couldn't get Kurt's words around her head, yet somehow, she knew he was right. If she'd experienced what Santana had she'd be worried for her welfare and would want to know if anything happened that Santana was okay.

"You know, if anything was to happen to me I'd want Blaine to be okay," Kurt said, smiling slightly at the picture in his mind. "And I know he would be, because he's surrounded by people that love him. Santana... She didn't think anyone loved her but knowing you did was enough, of course she'd want to make sure you'd be okay,"

"How do you know so much about her?" Brittany asked finally.

"I don't," Kurt admitted. "I just understand her in some ways,"

Brittany looked over at him. He was looking at her with a soft expression in his eyes as if he was waiting for her to speak. But she didn't know what to say. Instead she moved closer to him. He placed his arm behind his head and placed his other arm around Brittany's shoulders. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes, content, for now, to just lie here and think.

X

Kurt stopped the car outside the hospital and switched the engine off. Brittany hadn't said a word since they'd left the park and she didn't seem ready to speak now either. Kurt turned his body so that he could see her better and smiled gently at her when she looked up at him.

"Thank you for today, Kurt," She said quietly.

"Anytime," Kurt said happily. "Can I come in with you?"

Brittany nodded and reached across the seat to wrap her arms around Kurt's neck. He complied and wound his arms around her waist. They stayed like this for mere seconds before Brittany pulled away and opened the car door, stepping out and letting a slice of cold air slip into her now vacant seat.

Kurt climbed out of the car too and locked it before taking Brittany's hand in his own and walking with her up to the hospital. The nurses smiled when they saw them, now understanding that they were just friends rather than lovers which is what they first thought, and motioned for them to go ahead.

Brittany smiled when she saw Santana again and immediately grabbed her hand as if she hadn't seen her for weeks, rather than a day. Kurt smiled too and took her other hand, kissing her knuckles softly. They both sat down, unsure of what to say, but the silence wasn't an uncomfortable one.

"We've been out today," Brittany said, using her free hand to caress Santana's face. "Kurt took me to the park and we fed the ducks and had a picnic and I even let a swan eat from my hand,"

"Yes, you were very brave," Kurt said fighting back the urge to roll his eyes.

"I know I was," Brittany said proudly. "I thought, at first, that it'd want my hand, but he went for the bread instead,"

Kurt looked down at Santana's hand and marvelled at how small it was compared to his own. He hadn't really noticed it before but now it was incredibly obvious. Had she always been so small? When the door opened behind them they both turned around. Mrs Pierce was standing in the doorway, her cell phone in her hand.

"I just tried to call you," She said, closing the door and walking further in.

"Why? What's happened?" Brittany asked, not sure why she felt so worried when Santana was right in front of her.

"The police called,"

"What did they say?" This time it was Kurt to ask.

"Her parents are on trial next week, it's a bail hearing," Mrs Pierce said, watching her daughter carefully.

"What's a bail hearing?" Brittany asked, frowning in confusion.

"It basically means that a judge will decide if Santana's parents have to stay in jail until the trial or can be freed on certain terms," Mrs Pierce said.

"They can't let them go!" Brittany exclaimed. "They nearly killed her,"

"I know, sweetheart, but it's not up to us to decide. We'll see what happens next week and go from there, okay? Whatever happens though I'm sure they won't let either of her parents anywhere near her,"

Brittany looked back at Santana, still incredibly worried, and subconsciously rubbed small circles on her wrist. The police had taken an incredibly long time to schedule a bail hearing, which she still wasn't sure she understood, but what did she know about hearings and trials and things? If Santana's parents were released then there was every chance that they'd come here, and Brittany couldn't let that happen.

"I'll see you at home, Britt, okay? Don't worry too much, let the judge sort it out," Mrs Pierce said, kissing the top of Brittany's head before leaving the room.

"What do you think, Kurt?" Brittany asked quietly.

"I think that there's no way this judge will let them out. I don't know much but it could be considered attempted murder and that's not a light charge. If it wasn't attempted murder they've still caused this to her and that's not light either. Do we know if both her parents were involved?" Kurt said.

"No," Brittany murmured.

"Don't worry too much, Britt," Kurt said comfortingly. "Let the legal system do its work, I agree with your mom, they won't let them near her,"

Just as Brittany was about to reply the monitor beside Kurt started beeping. He looked up at it and then at Brittany who looked back at him, equally worried.

"Did you touch something?" She asked him.

"No, I didn't touch a thing," Kurt said holding his hands up and glancing at his feet which were practically tucked under the bed.

"San?" Brittany said worriedly.

She squeezed Santana's hand. Kurt stood up and jogged from the room, telling her he'd fetch a nurse and see what was going on. Just as the door shut behind him Brittany felt a twitch in Santana's hand. She looked down, her heart pounding, and felt a jump inside her as Santana's fingers curled around her hand and squeezed back, just as gently.

"Santana?" Brittany said again. "Can you hear me?"

At these words Santana's hand squeezed hers again and Brittany smiled widely, already shouting for Kurt and the nurses to come and join her elation.

**Hey! I've wanted to write this chapter for a while and it didn't come out as I wanted it to but it's finally happened! I hope it wasn't too bad a way to bring Santana back. Please let me know what you think! I'm incredibly worried about the reviews I might get for this! I hope it was okay! **

**Broken-timemachine – The next chapter will be the last one from Santana's point of view and the ones after it will all be in the present. The next chapter we'll find out what happened to San to put her in hospital! So I hope that answers your question!**

**Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story and I hope this chapter hasn't failed you! Enjoy!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you all so much for the incredible response to the last chapter! I really wasn't expecting it so thank you so much! Your reviews honestly mean so much more to me than you'll ever know so thank you all; and thank you to everyone who has followed me, this story and made it a favourite too!**

**This chapter contains some things that might be found distressing. Child abuse, homophobia, talks of self harm. **

**Chapter Ten**

_I spent an entire week at Brittany's before I felt able to move about more easily. The pain wasn't something that eased but I'd dealt with it all before and knew how to handle myself. In all honesty this week had been the best I could remember. The first few days were tough. I slept for most of them, Brittany lying by my side the whole time. Sometimes she'd put a movie on but I don't recall staying up long enough to see what happened in any of them. _

_For the first couple of days Brittany would nurse me, putting cream on my bruises and plasters over the smaller cuts. She fed me too, some of the best meals I've ever eaten in my life. She was like the mother I'd never had._

_On the night before I was planning to go back home I was lying in Brittany's bed, waiting for her to return from her shower. She rarely left me alone and had even taken a couple of days off of school to stay with me. She'd told the school that I wasn't well; all I had to do was follow the story and call Principal Figgins every morning to keep him updated. _

_I closed my eyes and flattened my palms on the mattress beneath me. Using all the strength I could muster I pushed myself up and leant against the headboard for support. I clenched my teeth through the pain and waited until it'd subsided. This pain was something I was used to but that didn't make it any easier._

_The shower was still running so I hesitantly pulled my sleeves up to my elbows and ran my fingers over the cuts. They were starting to heal now as I hadn't done it for a week due to being here. I didn't even have anything with me that I could use and besides, Brittany rarely left me alone. Even when she went to school all I could do was sleep, the days bleeding into one. _

"_What are they?"_

_My head spun around at the voice and my sleeves slipped back down. Brittany was standing in her pyjamas, her hair still wet swinging by her shoulders. She didn't look surprised, or shocked, or anything really. Just... sad. _

"_It's nothing," I said, trying to smile but failing. "What movie are we watching tonight?" I took the remote from her bedside table and began flicking through the channels. "There's a few on I thought you might like,"_

"_Santana," Brittany sat down next to me and took the remote from my hands. "You don't have to lie to me,"_

_I didn't say anything. I couldn't look at Brittany's face and see that sadness again. I couldn't look at her and know I was responsible for it. I didn't even try to deny it any more. I wanted to but I'd spent the past few months lying to her and that didn't make for the best relationships._

"_Listen, I can't say I understand... Are you doing it to yourself?" Brittany said, frowning slightly as I nodded. "Okay, well... I'm not gonna have a go at you about it. I just want you to tell me something, why do you do it?"_

_I looked up at her. She smiled encouragingly at me, the sadness still in her eyes. _

"_I do it because... I feel so numb inside, I just need some kind of... feeling," I said, trying to explain the best I can._

"_But your parents... They make you... feel," Brittany said, taking my hands in hers. "And don't tell me it's not your parents, I've known for a while,"_

_I looked away again, not confirming or denying what she was saying. It was safer for her if she didn't know anything for sure. _

"_I... Let's not talk about this," I said, smiling softly at her. "I don't do it all the time, just when it gets a bit harder,"_

_Brittany leant forward until our foreheads connected. She felt warm to the touch. _

"_I love you," She said quietly._

_Once again she'd shocked me into silence. And proved my mom wrong. A tear slipped down my cheek at her words. I had never felt loved before, by anyone. To hear Brittany tell me she loved me was something she'd never understand._

"_I love you too," I said._

_She smiled then, a smile that started at the corner of her mouth and spread across her entire face. When she kissed me I swear my heart exploded. She was incredibly gentle, her hands soft on my face. Brittany pulled away first, her face flushed. _

"_I have a song for you," She said, standing up and grabbing her CD player. _

"_Brittany... I, I can't sing," I said, my hands shaking in my lap now._

"_Is this what your parents got pissed for?" Brittany asked, her hand stilling over the play button._

_I almost laughed. Every guess she was having tonight was spot on. But I couldn't tell her that. I stayed silent again, looking straight at her. She walked over and sat down again, her mind racing with things she could say._

"_They don't have to know," She said, thinking carefully. "It's just you and me here and I won't tell them. Plus, it's not like you've been singing in Glee club is it? So if they ask Mr Schue he'll say you haven't because... well, you haven't,"_

"_When did you get so smart?" I asked her, smiling in spite of myself._

"_I've always been smart, I just hide it," Brittany said, smiling back. "Look, you don't have to sing, but join in if you want,"_

_I sighed and watched as Brittany stood up and pressed the play button. The music came through the speakers and I closed my eyes, smiling, already knowing the song._

'_**And I, never thought I'd feel this way,**_

_**And as far as I'm concerned,**_

_**I'm glad I got the chance to say,**_

_**That I do believe I love you,**_

_**And if, I should ever go away,**_

_**Well then close your eyes and try, **_

_**To feel the way we do today,**_

_**And then if you can remember,**_

_**Keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me,**_

_**For sure,**_

_**That's what friends are for,**_

_**For good times, and bad times, **_

_**I'll be on your side forever more,**_

_**That's what friends are for,**_

_**Well you came and opened me,**_

_**And now there's so much more I see,**_

_**And so, by the way, I thank you,**_

_**And then for the times when we're apart,**_

_**Well then close your eyes and know,**_

_**These words are coming from my heart,**_

_**And then if you can remember,**_

_Brittany smiled as I started singing. It felt so good to sing again, so good in fact that I stood up, flinching. Brittany immediately came forward and took my hands, keeping me upright but smiling too as I sang to her. _

_**Keep smiling, keep shining, **_

_**Knowing you can always count on me,**_

_**For sure,**_

_**That's what friends are for,**_

_**For good times, and bad times,**_

_**I'll be on your side forever more,**_

_**That's what friends are for,**_

_**Keep smiling, keep shining,**_

_**Knowing you can always count on me,**_

_**For sure,**_

_**That's what friends are for,**_

_**For good times, and bad times,**_

_**I'll be on your side forever more,**_

_**That's what friends are for,**_

_**Keep smiling, keep shining,**_

_**Knowing you can always count on me,**_

_**For sure,**_

_**That's what friends are for,**_

_We finished the song together, our voices joining together in the perfect harmony. Brittany wrapped her arms around me then, my head falling comfortably on her shoulder. _

"_Thank you," She murmured. "Now let's get you back into bed,"_

_X_

_Brittany dropped me off outside my house just after eight o' clock on Sunday evening. She'd wanted to drop me back as late as possible to be a bit safer and I didn't have the heart to tell her that my parents didn't stop whatever it was they decided to do because of it being dark outside. _

_I glanced nervously into the front window but the curtains were pulled shut so I couldn't see if they were in there or not. _

"_Can you call me later and let me know you're okay?" Brittany asked, her eyes filled with anxiety as she took in the house too._

"_Yeah, of course I will," I said, turning back to face her. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine,"_

_Even as I said these words I didn't believe them. I'd been away from them for a week. They'd either be furious or disappointed to see me again. The disappointment I could handle. The fury I couldn't. I was still in quite a lot of pain, even climbing out of the car hurt. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I got out. My face wasn't as bad any more. You could still see the fading bruises but they weren't bad ones._

_Brittany came around to my side of the car and embraced me again. I held onto her for as long as I could, taking in her smell, her heat, anything I could to keep with me when I went inside. She pulled away and kissed my forehead softly._

"_Be careful," She said quietly._

"_I will be, don't worry, Britt, please," I said. "I'll call you,"_

_She nodded then watched as I walked steadily up the path and braced myself for the reaction I'd receive. Before I knocked I turned around and told her she had to go. She briefly closed her eyes then got back into her car and drove to the end of the road where I would still be in view._

_I knocked quickly, before I could change my mind, and waited for one of them to answer the door. My heart started pounding in my chest as the porch light switched on and my mom's outline appeared. She opened the door and froze; her expression one of shock. She moved aside slightly and I walked inside, my heart still going at a hundred miles an hour._

"_Where have you been?" She asked me, shutting the door._

"_I was with a friend," I said, again, not much of a lie._

"_And you didn't think to tell us?" _

"_I... My phone, it's here," I told her, not looking her in the eye._

"_And this friend of yours didn't have one?"_

_I didn't answer her. I didn't know what to say. She walked towards me and crossed her arms, as if waiting for me to speak. But I had nothing to tell her, nothing she'd care about anyway._

"_I can't say we were worried about you, because we weren't," Her mom said. "But do you not think, that after everything we've done for you, that a phone call telling us where you were would have been nice?"_

"_I was at a friend's house, working on a project, for... History," I said, my hands sweaty by my sides._

"_Do you realise that the police may have got involved? Do you want that, Santana? Do you want them to take us away so you'll never see us again? Is that what you want? Is this some kind of attention seeking thing?"_

"_The police? Mom, they wouldn't have got involved unless someone thought I was missing or something," I said slowly. "And no, it wasn't attention seeking, I just had to do a project,"_

"_I don't even know how long you've been gone," Her mom said frowning._

"_Long enough not to come back,"_

_I turned around to see my father walking towards me, yet more alcohol in his hands. His speech was slurred and he was walking funny, like he couldn't stand up properly._

"_Why did you come back, huh? You decide to leave, without telling us, and then you decide to turn up again and expect us to fall at your feet and thank God you're home?" My father spat._

"_I came back because this is... This is home," I said, stepping back as the stench of vodka filled my nose._

"_This isn't your home, Santana," He slurred my name. "This has never been your home,"_

_I shook my head at him, trying to make excuses; he's drunk, he doesn't know what he's saying. But I could tell he believed what he was saying. I didn't know whether to believe it or not. It's hard to name anywhere else home when you've never had any different. _

"_You know, when you didn't come back after a couple of days, I thought you'd gone, for good," My mom said. "And I was... Happy, because all you ever were, all you ever are, is an accident, an accident that should never have happened,"_

_Her words stung more than any hit my dad had ever given me. They cut me in half, my heart feeling battered and broken all at once. I couldn't stop the tears from coming but they barely noticed. My mom walked away from me, slamming the kitchen door shut and my dad sauntered back down to his office._

_I couldn't catch my breath. I was relieved to have gotten away without a beating but her words cut me right to the core. I walked up the stairs slowly, no longer aware of the pain I felt before. All I could feel now was an emptiness; my own mom hadn't wanted me. _

_My room was exactly the way I left it. I suddenly felt so exhausted that I didn't even change out of the clothes Brittany had given me. I collapsed on my bed and hugged my pillow to my chest, the tears seeping through the fabric._

_They hadn't hit me yet but it wasn't over, not by a long shot. This? It was only just beginning._

_X_

_I kept my head down at school the next day. The bruises hadn't exactly gone but they weren't as noticeable any more. I still wanted to be careful though, especially with Mr Schue breathing down my neck. Brittany was stood by my locker when I reached it. The bell for lunch had just gone and somehow she had managed to rearrange her timetable so that we'd have lunches together. _

"_Hey," She said, observing my features._

"_Hey,"_

"_How are you feeling today?" She asked, her hand lightly touching my forehead but leaving just as quickly. _

"_I'm okay," I told her honestly. I wasn't as hurt as yesterday; her words still stung but after sleeping on it I felt a little better. "What do you have next?"_

"_We have Glee club, remember?" Brittany said, suddenly worried again like I was losing my mind._

"_I'm not going to Glee," I said. It shamed me to admit it but when I spoke my insides curled up. It pained me to have made this decision but I couldn't risk it, at least not yet._

"_Santana," Brittany began but I put my hand up to silence her._

"_I can't be a part of it anymore," I said quietly. "I'm sorry,"_

_Before Brittany could say anything else I closed my locker and made to walk away. But a voice called me back. A voice I hadn't heard for at least a month. A voice that made me feel cold inside. A voice that had me shrinking against the wall, as if I expected something to come out of this._

_Quinn Fabray was walking towards me, heads turning to look at her as she did. She paid no attention to them, however, just focused on me. Brittany stepped in front of her just before she reached me, causing her to stop in her tracks._

"_What do you want?" She asked her, venom in her tone._

"_I just want to speak to Santana," Quinn said, glancing back at me when she said my name._

"_She's got nothing to say to you," _

"_Please, just hear me out," Quinn said, begging me with her eyes to give her a chance._

"_Britt, it's okay," I said._

_Brittany turned around and looked at me in disbelief but she let Quinn pass her anyway. I clutched my books to my chest but didn't look at her when she was stood in front of me. I was scared to. She was everything everyone wanted to be, so why was she talking to me?_

"_I... I wanted to apologise," Quinn said, paying no attention to Brittany who was stood next to me, her arms folded._

_Whatever I thought I'd hear it wasn't that. Once again I found myself in a situation where I didn't know what to say. But Quinn kept talking and this gave me more time to figure out what words I could speak in response. _

"_What I did to you, and things I said to you were out of order," Quinn said, her eyes on me despite the fact that she was obviously nervous. "I don't know why I did it, any of it, and I'm sorry,"_

_Even Brittany didn't speak. She looked at me softly, wondering what my reaction was going to be but I'd run out of time and I still didn't know what to say._

"_I get that you don't want to talk to me, maybe not ever but just know that I am sorry and... it won't happen again. That I can promise," Quinn finished, nodding slightly to herself._

_I nodded too, the only sign of hearing her I could offer. She smiled and walked away, the student body watching her as she did. I turned to Brittany who was still looking at me, waiting._

"_Well, I didn't expect that," I said quietly._

"_I didn't either," Brittany said. _

"_Do you think she meant it?" I asked, looking down. I was just thinking of myself again and I felt for sure Brittany would have a go at me for it._

"_I don't know," She said honestly. "She's never apologised to anyone before, I can't see why she'd start now but I saw it in her eyes. She believed what she was saying. Whether she meant it or not is a different matter,"_

_I didn't say anything. Brittany took my silence as me agreeing with her and kissed me gently. Then she made her way to Glee club without a backwards glance. _

_X_

_The next couple of days passed without incident. My parents continued to ignore me but for once it didn't bother me. I started to see Quinn more since she'd apologised and now she even smiled at me when we passed in the corridor. Mr Schue had spoken to me once since I'd told Brittany I was quitting Glee club. He said he was sorry to see me go, that I had a talent, but also said he was there for me if I needed him. I'd nodded and thanked him but inside I was just grateful that he'd leave me alone now._

_Kurt had found me after school one day sat in my car, looking through the windshield as if it would help me somehow. He'd said he wouldn't ask for my reasons behind quitting but said he missed me and hoped we could still be friends outside of Glee too. This time I didn't need to lie. I'd thanked him, truthfully, and told him yes; of course we could still be friends. After he touched the faded outline of the bruises on my face with a touch that matched Brittany's regarding softness. _

_I sighed, my eyes heavy but focused on the road. The rain was torrential, pouring down like it'd never rained before. I could barely see the cars coming at me from the opposite road. I pulled into the drive and practically ran to the front door, shielding my face from the rain with the hood of my coat. _

_I fumbled slightly with the key but made it inside eventually. I closed the door slowly so as not to make any noise and put my bag at the bottom of the stairs. I flung my coat over the radiator, hoping it would dry out before tomorrow, and went upstairs, to the safe haven of my room. _

_I sat down on the edge of my bed and ran a hand through my hair. Brittany had told me she loved me again today, just before I left to come home. She'd been pissed off though because I hadn't answered any of her texts for a few days and that's when I remembered that I'd left my phone here when I'd stayed with her. But where was it?_

_I stood up and began rummaging through my drawers, throwing everything out of them. I searched through all the pockets of my clothes and under the bed. I upended the bed to see if I'd slept with it and it'd fallen down the side. I went through my desk; maybe I left it there after work or something?_

_When I'd turned my entire room inside out I went to the laundry basket at the top of the stairs. I could have put some clothes in there without realising my phone was in the pocket. I searched through all the clothes piled high in there but came out with no phone. I frowned; I wouldn't have left it downstairs._

"_Looking for something?" _

_I turned around. My dad was walking towards me, my phone in his left hand, a knife in his left. He looked drunk again but his speech wasn't affected this time. My mom followed him out of their bedroom, looking disgusted about something that I couldn't put my finger on. _

"_Thank you," I said quietly, holding my hand out for the phone._

_He passed it back to my mom who held it like she would a spider. I was completely aware of the knife in his hand but tried not to show him that it bothered me. I didn't know what they were so mad about but I knew they'd waste no time in telling me._

"_Who's Brittany?" He asked me._

_My heart stopped. How did he know about Brittany? My eyes immediately travelled to the phone in my mom's hand and I closed my eyes. How could I have been so stupid?_

"_She's a... friend, from school," I said._

"_A friend," My dad sneered._

"_What kind of friend sends message to another girl saying things like this?" My mom interrupted scrolling through my phone._

_I tensed and made to grab it from her but my dad pushed his arm across my chest, holding me back. _

"_**I really do think I love you,**__"_

"_**I don't know how I survived sixteen years without you,**__"_

"_**You mean everything to me,**__"_

_My mom read through my messages with a scowl on her face, an edge to her tone. I looked down. _

"_Friends can say things like that to each other," I said, shrugging as if I wasn't scared beyond belief._

"_Do they say this too?"_

"_**You're my world,**__"_

"_**You're everything beautiful in this world,**__"_

_Then she delivered the killer blow._

"_**I'm so happy we're together, you don't know how long I've waited for you,**__"_

_My hands began to shake at my sides when she finished speaking. I needed to get in control of myself but they knew they'd found me out. Their smiles said it all._

"_Is there anything you want to tell us?" My father said, an evil glint in his eyes. _

_I stayed silent. My mom laughed then, a shrill laugh that went right through me._

"_I knew I should have aborted you," She spat, handing my phone back to me. "People like you have no place on this earth,"_

"_Maybe this is a disease," My father mused, looking me over. "Maybe that's why you're such a disappointment. This disease has been festering inside of you, it's not your fault, but maybe we can cure it,"_

"_Dad, it's who I am," I whispered, looking straight at him when I spoke. "It's part of me,"_

_I knew the punch was coming but I wasn't prepared for it. Once again I found myself curled up on the floor above the stairs, my father standing above me, spitting abuse and kicking me repeatedly all over. The last kick he delivered was in the face. I felt my nose break, the blood dribbling down my chin instantly. He turned away from me, wiping his brow with his free hand. _

_I reached a shaking hand out to the wall, leaving a bloody handprint there, and hoisted myself up from the floor. They watched me carefully as I leant against the wall, breathing heavily as if I'd been running. My head was spinning but I was determined to keep myself standing._

"_This Brittany, did you force her into it?" My mom asked me, taking no notice of my desperation to get the bleeding to stop._

"_No, she... she loves me," I said, blood dripping into my mouth._

"_Don't give me that shit," She said, looking appalled. "Is she a dyke too then, huh?"_

"_Don't call her that," I said suddenly angry. They could say what they wanted about me but not Brittany._

"_We seem to have touched a raw spot," My father said, smiling at my mom who smiled back at him. _

_I stumbled forward, towards them, using the banister for support. I needed some tissue or a towel or something to staunch the flow but they wouldn't let me pass. My father pushed me backwards slightly and I wobbled precariously, aware of the staircase directly behind me._

"_Dad, please," I begged him, grasping his arm._

_Maybe it was my touch, maybe it was begging with him, maybe it was the information they'd learnt. I felt the knife before I saw it. I felt as it pierced my skin, entering my stomach. I felt the blood seep through my shirt as he removed the knife, looking at it as if he didn't know what it was. _

_I held both hands to my stomach, pressing hard, my mouth rounded in shock. My father leaned closer to me, his breath hot on my ear._

"_We don't do lesbians," He murmured. _

_I could feel the darkness pressing in on all sides and I wasn't ready for it to come through. I felt my knees hit the floor beneath me but instead of falling forwards I fell backwards. My entire body collided with each and every step. My leg caught in the railing and twisted painfully. Despite the lack of energy I had I cried out, my head colliding with the floor._

_I looked up, dazed, and saw my parents back away. The darkness was back but I didn't want to die. I wasn't ready. With all the energy I could find I pulled my phone out of my pocket and shakily called 911. I could barely see through the dots in my eyes so I closed them, fighting against it every second. _

"_Hello, what do you request? An ambulance, the police or a fire service?" The voice asked me._

"_A... An ambulance..." I choked out, the blood still seeping through my shirt._

_I managed to choke out my address and then hung up; knowing help was on its way. I was prepared to let the darkness come now. They might not reach me in time but they'd be there. Just before it enshrouded me my phone started ringing again. I felt across the floor for it and instead grabbed my coat from the radiator. I held it to my stomach, ignoring the pain, and grasped my phone firmly._

_I couldn't see the number flashing on the screen but I answered it anyway, hoping for a voice, anyone's voice to stay with me until they arrived or until I let go._

"_H... Hello," I said._

"_San? What's wrong?" Brittany's voice, the best possible voice, came down the phone._

"_I... I'm..." I tried to speak to her but I felt my breaths getting shorter and faster. _

"_Santana, talk to me," Brittany said, her voice now fully of worry. "I'm coming over, just stay on the phone for me, okay?"_

"_I... I love you," I ground out, my teeth clenching as the pain ripped through me._

"_I love you too, baby," Brittany said, the sound of a car starting in the background. "Haven't I told you that all along?"_

_I couldn't speak anymore. I'd told her what I needed to. I managed to stay on for a while but the darkness was winning and the dots in my eyes were slowly beginning to go away. When I heard the sirens outside I let out the breath I'd been holding. I heard Brittany's panicked voice, I heard the paramedics outside the door, I heard my own heart beating behind my eyes. I felt nothing as my arm dropped to the floor, the phone falling from my grasp._

I open my eyes.

**Well, that chapter was incredibly hard for me to write. Really hard in fact. But it had to be done. I hope it wasn't too bad from your point of view and please read and review to let me know what you thought! Again, I really appreciate the response I've had to this story. It means the world to me. **


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Eleven**

Brittany still couldn't believe it. Santana was looking at her, watching her, with those beautiful eyes after a full month of being in a coma that no-one could guarantee she would wake up from. It had been ten minutes but it felt like forever; almost as if none of this had happened. The doctor was with them, checking the monitors, observing the changes, asking Santana how she was, if she felt okay.

Each time Santana spoke, answering a question, a shock went through Brittany. Hearing her voice again was like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. Nothing could compare to it. She sounded weak, tired but she was there, this time in both body and mind.

"How long have I been like this?" Santana asked.

The doctor glanced over at Brittany who looked down, her hand still holding tightly to Santana's. He sat down on the edge of the bed and folded his hands in his lap.

"You've been in a coma for about a month," He said.

Santana's expression didn't change. She didn't say a thing, merely looked at the doctor like she was expecting him to start laughing and tell her that he was joking, that she only came in yesterday; but he didn't.

"A month?" She said softly. He nodded. "Wow,"

"You suffered extreme internal injuries and significant head injuries," He said slowly, as if saying the words slower than usual would help her understand. "Do you remember much of what happened?"

Santana frowned slightly, her eyebrows joining together in the middle. She remembered coming home; she remembered looking for her phone but it was nowhere, not in her room, not in the laundry; she remembered her dad... he had it in his hands. Suddenly she started to panic. Her heart began beating fast in her chest, she couldn't catch her breath.

Brittany quickly stood up and placed a hand on either side of Santana's face. She flinched, noticeably, her hands fisting the sheets beneath her, her eyes squeezing shut as she blocked out the touch she could feel. The doctor stood up, his hand closing around a brown paper bag on the table and held it out to Brittany who shook her head slightly.

"San, San, it's okay," She murmured, resting her forehead against Santana's. "You're okay, baby, I've got you,"

Brittany continued to whisper words and sentences into Santana's ear until the beeping on the monitor ceased and her heart rate returned to normal. The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes was Brittany and this was enough to make her feel slightly calmer. Brittany quickly poured her a drink of water from the jug and handed it to her. Santana slowly took a sip and then another, until she'd drunk the entire glass.

"Well, I can see you know what you're doing," The doctor said, astonished at the connection he could see between the girls. "I'm just going to talk to someone, I'll be back in shortly,"

"Are you okay?" Brittany asked her, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"I have to go home," Santana said, her face still worried. "They'll kill me,"

"Santana, they're not at home," Brittany said carefully.

"What do you mean? Where are they?" Santana asked, confused now.

"Do you remember what they did to you?"

Santana closed her eyes, already picturing it all again. The phone, the stupid phone that had set them off. The whispers of hatred in her ear, the deranged laughs. She could feel herself shaking so forced her eyes open and looked at Brittany, nodding slightly.

"Well, they... they can't get away with it, San," Brittany said, taking her hand again and holding it tight for support. "They're at the police station,"

Santana didn't really understand what she was hearing. The police station? Why are they there? She could remember all the details of what they did, she could definitely remember the words that were spoken to her. But how had the police known too? How was she even here?

"You called an ambulance," Brittany said as if she could read through the thoughts visible in Santana's eyes. "Your parents were upstairs, I think they were drunk,"

Of course they were drunk. It was all they ever were. But Santana still didn't understand.

"Can you... please, explain?" She asked hesitantly.

Brittany looked down, the IV in Santana's hand making her feel slightly nauseated. Needles did this to her, made her feel weak at the knees. Yet Santana could get through anything. It's what set them apart.

"I don't really know much, San," She started. "You called me, and you were really out of it. And I kept my phone on and came over and by the time I got there the paramedics were getting you onto a stretcher. The police were there too, they took your parents away,"

"Why were the police there?" Santana asked curiously, still not quite understanding.

"I think the paramedics called them, when they realised you had that... wound, in your stomach," Brittany said quietly.

Subconsciously Santana placed her free hand over her stomach, her fingers lightly tracing the pattern on the robe she was wearing. She couldn't really get all this around her head. Her parents had beaten her and... that knife, they'd used that. She'd fallen down the stairs, she could remember the agony that ripped through her when her leg twisted. She glanced down the bed and saw her leg was in a cast; she must have broken it. She couldn't really recall calling an ambulance, or Brittany for that matter, and then everything else after... Just blank.

"I've been here for a month?" Santana clarified, nodding to herself.

"Yeah," Brittany said, not wanting to bombard her with more information than she wanted.

"What's happening to my parents?"

"They're being held at the police station. On Wednesday they're attending a bail hearing. My mom said that if they get bail they can live at home until the trial, if there is one, and if they don't get bail they have to go and stay in prison until the trial," Brittany said softly. "I think the police want to talk to you about what went on,"

"Why? Why do they want to talk to me?" Santana asked, her eyes growing wider.

"Hey, it's okay. They just need to ask you some questions, about what happened. They're just collecting evidence to use at the trial, if you want to press charges,"

Santana leant back against the pillows and closed her eyes. She felt exhausted, the information she was learning going around and around her head like a song stuck on a constant loop. She couldn't believe the world she'd just entered. None of it made sense.

"Mom said that they'd have to wait another day or two though, for you to wake up properly," Brittany said.

Santana opened her eyes and for the first time really looked at Brittany. There were dark bags under her eyes, like she hadn't slept for weeks, and her face was gaunt, pale. She looked thinner too, almost like she hadn't been eating but she couldn't just stop.

"How have you been?" Santana asked quietly, aware, even as she said it, that it was a stupid question.

"I've been out of my mind," Brittany said smiling.

"Why did you hang on?"

The silence that fell over the room was deafening. Brittany didn't know how to respond. Besides, Santana should already know the answer. She loved her, more than life itself. She wasn't about to let her go that easily.

"Because I love you," Brittany said gently.

"I love you too," Santana said, squeezing her hand.

"I missed you so much, San," Brittany said, knowing that a rant was about to leave her mouth. "You nearly died on me, twice, I thought I'd lost you. Everyone told me to be prepared but I wasn't and I never would be and besides, I know you're strong, I knew you'd wake up but no-one believed me. Well, except Kurt, he's been here,"

"Hey, Britt," Santana said, slowing her down with a single touch. "I'm here, right here, and I'm never going anywhere,"

Brittany looked up at her with wide, tear filled eyes and then lay down next to her on the bed, being careful of the tubes and wires that were poking out everywhere. This time when she did Santana's arms wrapped around her, a single kiss on the head being all she'd waited for.

"Next time, San," Brittany whispered. "Take me with you,"

X

Kurt walked up to Santana's room alone that evening. Brittany had refused to leave her side since she'd opened her eyes but he didn't blame her. If it was Blaine in her position he'd have a hard time leaving too. He hadn't really seen her properly yet. He'd run to get someone, anyone, in case the beeping on the machine meant they were losing her but when he got back to the room, nurses in tow, he'd seen that that wasn't the case.

He hadn't gone in, preferring to leave Brittany with her, give them some time together but now he felt it had been long enough for him to wait. He knocked softly on the door and walked inside, a smile lighting up his features as he took in the sight before him. Santana was sat up in bed, Brittany lying beside her. They were both awake, giggling about something he would never know but when he entered they immediately stopped.

"Hey," He said, walking closer to the bed.

"Hey, Kurt,"

A pang shot through Kurt's chest as Santana spoke. He hadn't realised, until now, how much he'd really missed her. He bent down and kissed her forehead lightly, lingering a second longer than necessary.

"How are you feeling?" Kurt asked, taking a seat beside her, unable to take his eyes away.

"I'm okay, just tired," Santana said, feeling something in her chest that she couldn't quite place.

"You're tired? You've been asleep for a month," Kurt exclaimed, pretending to be shocked by her answer.

A smile worked its way up from her mouth to her eyes and settled on her face like a snowflake on his hand. The feeling in her chest was one of happiness; she was glad to see him. She watched him carefully as he chatted freely with Brittany, the two of them holding secret smiles on their faces. His laugh washed through her, Brittany's voice stuck in her heart. The two of them sitting here with her was more than she'd ever hoped for.

"Quinn will be so happy to hear you're okay," Brittany said.

"Quinn?" Santana asked.

"Yeah, she's been to visit you a few times, do you remember?"

Santana thought for a moment, her face screwed up in concentration. "Yeah, actually I do. She said sorry,"

Brittany smiled and nodded, her phone in her hand. She stood up, announcing that she was just off to call her, kissed Santana lightly on the forehead and left the room. Kurt looked down at his hands when they were alone, unsure of what to say now that Brittany was gone.

"Thank you," Santana said softly.

"What are you thanking me for?" Kurt asked.

"You've been looking after her haven't you? I can see how happy she is around you, that's why I asked you to be the one,"

"Of course I have, do you really think I would just leave her on her own? She's been lost without you," Kurt said, smiling gently.

"I just want you to know I'm really grateful," Santana said. "I didn't know if I'd make it through any more and I needed to be sure someone would look after her if I went,"

"I'll always be here," Kurt said, grasping her hand. "For both of you,"

"I love you, Lady Hummel," Santana said.

"I love you too, Lopez,"

X

Quinn picked up on the forth ring. She sounded irritated but she assured Brittany it wasn't her she was irritated with. Brittany could hear screaming children in the background and assumed Quinn was babysitting again.

"I'm sorry about that," Quinn said. She closed the bathroom door and leant against it. "What are you calling for? Is everything okay?"

"She's awake," Brittany said, unable to contain herself any longer.

"I'm sorry?" Quinn said, her heart pounding as if what she was hearing was a lie.

"Santana woke up this morning," Brittany said, her smile working its way into her voice.

"Oh, Brittany, that's fantastic!" Quinn said a light feeling filling her up from the inside. "How is she?"

"She's actually not too bad, Quinn," Brittany said. "The doctor and I have covered some things with her and she was a bit worried but Kurt's with her now and she's laughing and smiling and we've got her back, Q,"

"Brittany, that is great news," Quinn said. "Would you mind if I came to see her when I've finished here?"

"Of course not, I've told her you're coming,"

"Was she okay with it?" Quinn asked nervously.

"She remembers you saying sorry," Brittany told her. "I think you two just need to talk about some things,"

"Yeah... we do," Quinn agreed, nervous beyond belief. "I'll see you later,"

X

Santana fell asleep four hours after she woke up. Brittany was scared but the nurses told her there was nothing to worry about for the time being. They told her to listen to Santana's breathing. Brittany did and noticed the difference right away. There was something right about it this time, it was nice to listen to.

Kurt had fallen asleep too, his head resting on the back of the chair. His arms were folded, like his dad's when he fell asleep but his right leg was crossed over his left. Brittany wrapped a blanket around his shoulders then sat down beside Santana. She still couldn't believe it. The shock hadn't worn off yet. She didn't feel much of anything, just an amazing sense of happiness, something that nothing could take away.

Quinn showed up just before eight. She knocked hesitantly and walked inside, fairly disappointed to see that Santana was asleep. She sat down opposite Brittany, who was still smiling uncontrollably.

"How's she doing?" Quinn asked quietly.

"She's just gone off but they told me it might not be for long," Brittany whispered back. "She's been a bit tired since she woke up but they're giving her stuff for the pain."

"Have you told her about her parents?" Quinn asked.

"Yeah, mostly," Brittany said.

"How did she take it?"

"Not too bad, she had a lot of questions,"

"I don't blame her," Quinn said, laughing.

Brittany laughed too, still on a high she knew she'd have to come down from. They sat out the rest of the time in silence, Kurt's snoring the only noise they really make out. Quinn was about to leave when Santana woke up. She yawned, flinching when she stretched, but froze when she saw Quinn standing next to her.

"Hey," Quinn said hesitantly.

"Hey," Santana said, once she'd found her voice.

"How are you feeling?" Quinn asked, aware of Brittany wondering the same thing.

"I'm a bit sore," Santana admitted, looking down as if it was wrong to say such a thing.

"I'll go and ask the nurse if she can give you anything," Brittany said quickly, leaving the room to give them the space they needed.

"I'm sorry," Quinn blurted out, the words not even forming in her mind first.

Santana didn't speak. She wasn't sure what to say. She forgave Quinn, of course she did. There had to be some underlying reason why Quinn had picked her out in the first place but until Quinn told her she'd never know. So she settled for the words she always used.

"It's okay,"

"No, San, it's not," Quinn said, taking her hand, visibly shaking.

"Quinn, I forgive you," Santana said gently. "It's okay, don't worry about it,"

"I do worry about it," Quinn whispered. "I'm so sorry,"

"Come here," Santana said holding out her arms.

Quinn wiped her eyes on her sleeve then moved into Santana's arms. She began to sob, clutching at Santana as if she never wanted to let go. Maybe this is what it took, Santana thought. She'd nearly died, she knew that much. Maybe Quinn realised once it became obvious that things were worse than they looked. But then, she'd apologised before this had happened...

Santana rubbed her back soothingly until the sobs subsided and Quinn sat back on the bed, her eyes red.

"What are you apologising for?" Santana asked her.

"For everything I ever did to you, hell, said to you," Quinn muttered, unable to look Santana in the eyes.

"But why now?"

"I saw you," Quinn whispered. "I saw you in the cafeteria that day, and it all made sense. I know you're together,"

Santana frowned. That day in the cafeteria; when her and Brittany had their first kiss? But why had Quinn seen that? They'd argued. Brittany had pushed her. She'd gone away, or so they'd thought.

"Oh, right," Santana said weakly.

"I want you to know I support you," Quinn hastened to add. "I don't have anything against it,"

The talk of being gay and having a girlfriend was taking Santana back to her parents. She could hear their voices in her head again, telling her how disgusting she was, how what she was feeling was a disease, something that could be cured.

"Santana? Are you okay?" Quinn asked, noticing how pale she'd gone.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Santana lied, shaking her head to rid herself of the voices.

"Do you want me to get a nurse?" Quinn said.

"No, no, it's okay," Santana said again. "I'm fine,"

Quinn wasn't convinced but she didn't have long to make a decision on what to do. Brittany returned with a nurse who gave Santana another dose of morphine to help her with the pain she was feeling. It seemed to work as the agony written on her face toned down and she was able to lay back with a bit more ease.

"Have a sleep, San," Quinn said, standing up and making to leave. "You need your strength back,"

"Will you come back tomorrow?" Santana asked her.

Quinn stopped by the door. When she turned around she was smiling. "Yeah, yeah, of course I will,"

Santana nodded and closed her eyes, Brittany's hand tight in hers. It'd been a long day. She knew the police might turn up tomorrow but for now she was focusing on getting herself better so that she could enjoy a future with her girlfriend, and her friends.

**Hey. I'm not happy with this chapter at all. I have no medical knowledge at all so I'm not sure of the right protocol for someone who wakes up from a coma. I hope it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. The last chapter didn't get much recognition. Thank you to broken-timemachine for reviewing and those who are following this story. I just wanted to ask – do people want me to continue with this? I have plans, endings, things in between but I just want to know if I should carry on.**

**Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story so far. Please read and review. I hope it wasn't as awful as I thought it was.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Twelve**

Over the next few days Santana began to gradually start her recovery. She still wasn't able to get out of bed by herself or walk more than a couple of steps but to Brittany it was a start and that was more than any of them had ever hoped for. She wasn't able to go to the toilet by herself either; something that still humiliated her no matter how many times Brittany helped her out. She had to use crutches too as the doctors didn't want her to put too much pressure on the wound in her stomach just yet as it was still early days, plus her broken leg wasn't recovering as well as they'd first hoped.

Santana kept her eyes shut tight when she woke up. She knew they were waiting for her to wake up, she'd heard Brittany complaining about it the night before when they'd thought she was asleep. The police wanted to talk to her. It was something she knew had to happen sooner or later but she'd hoped it would be later. _Much _later.

She wasn't ready to talk about what happened. Besides, she had no idea what they were going to ask her which terrified her all the more. She knew the outcomes of the bail hearing on Wednesday rested on what she said today but she wasn't sure she could go through with it. Brittany had told her countless times that what her parents had done was wrong and she wouldn't listen when Santana tried to tell her that it only happened when she was bad. But then, she'd been thinking a lot about this excuse lately. Had she always been bad? Santana could recall a time when she'd come home straight after school, done her chores and cooked them all dinner. She'd proceeded to doing her homework and being in her room by nine yet she'd still been beaten. Tell her she was wrong but she couldn't see any hint of being bad in there.

The alternative though was something that hurt her even more. Either it was because she was a lesbian which was the case for her being here but not for the past year of abuse she'd suffered. Or it was simply because they hated her. Her own mom had said it; she was an accident, something that was not meant to happen.

She curled her arm around her stomach and clenched her teeth. This was happening a lot lately, the pain that shot through her enough to have her double over at any given point. She cursed herself when Brittany was by her side; now they'd know she was awake.

"San, are you okay?" Her voice broke through Santana's mind. She was worried.

Santana opened her eyes and looked up. Brittany was standing above her, bent over slightly, her hand resting gently on her shoulder. Santana nodded and turned over, wincing as she did so. She then pushed herself up, with Brittany's help, and lay back against the pillows.

"Did you have a bad dream again?" Brittany asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Santana frowned; again?

"You were whimpering in your sleep last night," Brittany said softly. "You said some things too,"

"What, what did I say?" Santana asked nervously.

"You just... it was nothing," Brittany said, shrugging as if it didn't matter.

"Britt, tell me," Santana said.

"You asked me not to hurt you," Brittany muttered, taking her hand and drawing small circles over her palm. "It took me ages to calm you down,"

Santana couldn't remember having a bad dream. She couldn't remember speaking to Brittany after she'd gone to sleep. She couldn't remember anything of last night if she was honest.

"I'm sorry," She said quietly.

"Hey, San, you don't have to be sorry," Brittany said. "None of this is your fault,"

Before Santana could say anything a nurse walked into the room. She was very short and quite chubby around the middle but they both liked her. She smiled at them and made her way over to the bed.

"How are you feeling today, miss," She asked.

"Not too bad," Santana said softly, looking down.

"You know, honey, if you're in pain we can help you," The nurse said gently. "We don't mind giving you something to ease it a bit,"

Santana didn't say anything. She felt a lot of pain but it wasn't their job to help her. She had to help herself. Her leg was aching and so was her stomach. She had a pounding in her head that wouldn't cease. But asking for help was a sign of weakness... wasn't it?

"San, sweetie, just tell her," Brittany begged.

"My head hurts," Santana admitted, her cheeks flaming with shame.

"Okay, I can give you some painkillers to help," The nurse said smiling slightly and leaving the room to fetch some.

Santana looked away from Brittany when the nurse had gone. She knew what was coming. Brittany would tell her she was weak; stupid. She'd probably told her to tell the nurse so that she could accuse her of being a liar and just asking for medication. She pulled her hand away from Brittany and settled it in her lap.

"What's wrong?" Brittany asked worriedly.

Santana shook her head. It would come, any minute now.

"It's okay to ask for help," Brittany said gently. "If you're hurting there are people that can make you feel better. I'll try my best too,"

At her words Santana looked up. Brittany smiled sweetly at her, in a way that suggested truth. Santana could feel her guard coming on. She didn't want to be sucked into this, not anymore. If Brittany was going to turn the same way her parents did she needed to be prepared for it.

"I promise you, with all my heart, that asking for help is okay," Brittany promised. "You know I ask for help all the time. San, it's how we met,"

Santana couldn't deny that. She knew Brittany was speaking the truth but she still felt an incredible sense of fear. Her body was tensing up as if expecting a hit but part of her knew that Brittany wouldn't hurt her. Not unless she deserved it. Even then she'd practically beg to be hit, just to make something feel normal.

"Are you not... mad with me?" Santana asked.

"Of course I'm not mad with you," Brittany said exasperated. "I want you to ask for help. And hey, if you can't, how about you tell me where it hurts and I'll tell them for you,"

Santana hesitated but then nodded. At least this way she had some control over what she was doing. The nurse returned with the painkillers and inserted them straight into her, via tube.

"That should start taking effect soon okay?" The nurse said, adjusting her IV line. "Would it be okay if I send the police in?"

Santana's blood ran cold. She still didn't feel ready for this. She could feel Brittany's hand on her face but she couldn't stop the fear coursing through her. Her heart was going so fast she couldn't keep up with it, her breathing was erratic. She reopened her eyes to see Brittany looking straight at her. She couldn't really explain what happened next but a kind of calm washed over her and she was able relax against her pillows again.

"There you go," Brittany murmured, pushing her hair out of her eyes. "It's okay,"

"I take that as a no," The nurse said, winking slightly at her.

"No, it's okay," Santana said. "They can come in,"

"Santana, if it's too much for you I can tell them to come back later," The nurse said, already halfway out of the door.

"I'll be fine," Santana muttered, nodding to convince herself.

"Just tell them the truth," Brittany said smiling. "And don't think about anyone else, just yourself,"

There were two police officers. They walked in one after the other. When they were both inside they took their hats off and came forward, reaching out their hands to shake hers.

"Hello, Santana," The first one said.

He was tall and thin with jet black hair. His hand shake was firm and Santana could feel scars under his fingers. Did he have a bad past too? The second man didn't speak, merely shook her hand and stepped back. He was slightly shorter than the first man but his hair was a light blonde and he was much more handsome.

"I'm Officer Whitby and this is my associate, Officer Hart," Officer Whitby said. "We're glad to see you awake,"

Santana nodded slightly and looked away. They seemed nice enough but she was still unsure of where this was going.

"Ma'am, you're going to have to leave the room," He said, looking at Brittany.

"What for?" Brittany asked, her hand tightening around Santana's.

"If there's a trial you may be asked to come forward as witness," He explained.

"It's okay, Britt," Santana murmured. "I'll be okay,"

Brittany looked more pissed off than Santana had at the idea of her leaving the room. But she stood up and left the room like they'd asked. Officer Whitby took the chair she vacated and pulled out his notepad and pen.

"We'd just like to ask you some questions about what's been happening for you, Santana," He said gently. "I just need to make it clear to you that you are in no trouble whatsoever for anything, these questions are merely for us to make notes about and present to our leading deputy who will be able to tell the judge what we know,"

"Okay," Santana said slowly.

"Would you like anything before we start?" He asked kindly. "Maybe a drink or something to eat?"

"No, thank you, I'm okay," Santana said.

"Okay, then, well, I suppose I'll start by asking you what happened that day," Officer Whitby said slowly. "If you can't remember anything don't worry, but anything you tell us will be really helpful,"

"Okay," Santana said, and took a deep breath. "It was a school day. Afterwards I went out to my car,"

She could still see it now; the rain that was pelting the windshield and hitting the roof so hard that it sounded like bullets.

"A friend came to the window, he wanted to speak to me,"

"What's your friend's name, Santana?" Officer Whitby asked. "It's just so we know,"

"Kurt, his name's Kurt," Santana waited until he'd finished writing and looked back at her before she started speaking again. "We spoke for a while and then I started to drive home. I can remember the weather was really bad so I got home a bit later than usual because I was driving slower,"

Officer Whitby nodded and made another note on his pad. Santana was finding it slightly easier to speak now. As long as she didn't get into too much detail just yet she would be able to get through this. She also found not watching them was helping. It was like she was talking to herself.

"When I got in I thought I was alone. My... parents weren't downstairs from what I could tell. I can remember putting my coat on the radiator because I wanted it to dry out before school the next day,"

As it had turned out the radiator hadn't even been on. She could remember pressing it against her stomach to staunch the blood flow and thinking stupidly that it felt funny, wet. Not that she'd focused her full attention on it at the time. She'd just passed it off.

"I went upstairs, to my bedroom. I felt quite... happy," Santana said smiling slightly. "Brittany wanted me to call her, to make sure I was okay. But I couldn't find my phone," Her face fell as she reached the turning point.

Officer Whitby turned to face Officer Hart who poured a glass of water and handed it to Santana. She thanked him quietly and drank some, her attention still focused on her story and the bed sheets below her.

"It's okay, Santana, just take your time," Officer Hart said, speaking for the first time since they'd entered the room.

"I searched my whole room for it but it wasn't there," Santana said slowly. "I thought maybe I'd left it in one of my pockets, so I started to search the laundry at the top of the stairs. It wasn't there either,"

She'd passed through so many clothes. Her dad's trousers, her mom's shirts, her own clothes that held nothing apart from air. Her heart had been beating quite quickly at the time, but even now she couldn't work out why.

"He... My dad was there, behind me," Santana said, her hands shaking. "He had my phone in one hand,"

"What was in his other hand?" Officer Whitby asked.

Santana didn't speak for so long that the officer was about to call it a day and come back another time. But she spoke, her voice soft and quiet.

"He had a knife,"

"Was your mom with him?"

"Yes, she was behind him. They both seemed drunk, I could smell alcohol on his breath," Santana muttered.

"What happened next, Santana?"

"I think I reached out to get my phone but he passed it back to my mom. She took it from him and she looked... I don't know, like she was holding something dirty, you know? Then he asked me who Brittany was,"

Santana closed her eyes against the picture forming in her mind. She could see herself, clear as day, standing frozen as the realisation of what was happening hit her. She could see his glare as he watched the understanding and fear form in her eyes, the knowing that she'd been caught.

"Who is Brittany, Santana?"

"She's my girlfriend," Santana whispered.

Officer Whitby sat back. He'd dealt with many cases in his time that were formed through homophobia. He couldn't ask her any leading questions, or put words in her mouth so he'd have to wait for her to say it herself. But he had a steeping suspicion that this had been another homophobic attack.

"Could you carry on for us?" He asked gently.

"I didn't understand how he knew about her at first," Santana said. "I tried to keep it a secret. I knew they'd react... badly to it. She'd drop me off at the end of the road so they wouldn't see her. I tried not to talk about them with her so that she wouldn't know anything that could hurt her. But then I saw the phone again, unsafe in my mom's hands,"

"What did you say to your father when he asked you who Brittany was?"

"I told him she was friend," Santana said, looking up for the first time and making eye contact with Officer Whitby. "I didn't see it as lying, which I know they hate. She _is _my friend, she's my best friend. It just goes a bit further,"

"How did your father respond to that?"

"He was about to speak but my mom interrupted him. She started to read out some of the messages Brittany had sent me," Santana murmured.

"Do you remember any of those messages?"

"Not really, I know she sent me ones that told me she loved me," Santana said, thinking hard. "But I can't really remember any specific ones,"

"Okay, Santana. Don't worry about them, we can always check your phone and find out," Officer Whitby said, writing something down again. "What happened next?"

"She gave my phone back to me but she was laughing. They knew then, what I was," Santana said quietly. "She... She told me she should have aborted me,"

Officer Whitby sighed inwardly and tried not to show the emotions coursing through him. It was always worse when it came from your own parents. This kid had been through the ringers, and come out fighting. Words and phrases like the ones her mom had used would stick with her forever. She may look bad on the outside but these would heal. The emotional scars would be a lot more work for her to deal with.

"My dad believed it was a... disease, you know, something that could be cured," Santana said. "I was stupid, I opened my mouth when I should have kept it shut. I told him it was part of me,"

Even as she spoke these words a torrent of pain went through her. If only she'd not uttered those words, if only she'd kept her mouth shut, none of this would have happened. She'd still be at home or wherever, living her life like normal.

"He started hitting me," Santana said her voice breaking between the words.

"It's okay, Santana," Officer Hart said handing her a tissue.

"Just try your best, that's all anyone can ask of you," Officer Whitby said, smiling softly.

"My nose broke, I could feel the blood in my mouth," Santana said, wiping her eyes. "I stood up and they started laughing. My mom asked me if I'd forced Brittany to be like me,"

_Is she a dyke too, then?_

"They called her a..." Santana took another deep breath and reminded herself that they were here to help her. "They called her a dyke. I kind of flipped out, told them not to call her that,"

"How did they react to you saying that?"

"They laughed at me again," Santana said shrugging; as if this happened all the time. Officer Whitby wrote that down on his pad. "I needed to stop the blood so I tried to get past them. My dad though... he pushed me back,"

_Dad, please._

"I... I grabbed his arm, and I know I shouldn't have done it, I know it was stupid of me, but I did," Santana said desperately.

"Santana, it's okay, it wasn't stupid of you," Officer Whitby promised her. "So you grabbed hold of him; what did he do?"

"I don't know why he did it," Santana said, a tear rolling down her cheek. "Maybe it was me touching him with my disgusting skin that set him off,"

"Santana, you have nothing to be ashamed of," Officer Hart said, coming forward. "You've done nothing wrong,"

Santana wanted to believe him, truly she did. But it was hard, so hard.

"That's when he..." Santana muttered, gesturing in the general direction of her stomach.

"Is that where he stabbed you?"

Santana nodded and subconsciously wrapped her arms around herself. Officer Whitby wrote this down too.

"Do you remember anything else after that?" He asked.

"I remember falling down the stairs but afterwards, not really. I used my coat to help the blood but after that everything's blurry,"

"Okay, Santana, you're doing really well, I just have a couple more questions to ask you and then we'll let you get some rest,"

Santana let out a breath; it would soon be over.

"Did any other incidents like your father abusing you occur?" He asked her delicately.

"He'd been abusing me for just over a year," Santana said quietly, looking down again.

"Okay, was it every day?"

"Pretty much, sometimes they'd be so drunk that they wouldn't even notice I was there," Santana mused. "I liked those days,"

Officer Whitby could have bet anything that she hadn't meant to say that out loud. He carefully wrote it down and weighed up his next question. She was doing incredibly well but he'd had experience like these before. One question could trigger a bunch of emotions and then she'd be beyond them.

"What was the abuse like?"

"I... I don't understand," Santana said frowning slightly.

"Did he hit you?"

"Yes," Santana said, glad she could answer this one. "He used to punch me, kick me, he'd throw me into walls,"

Officer Whitby wrote all of this down just so he didn't have to see the haunted look in her eyes when she spoke. He was supposed to be a detective but he didn't always do his job properly. He never prevented crimes, he just sorted them out afterwards. He knew that was what he was supposed to do but he couldn't help but feel like a failure when he had to question people whose lives had been ruined by someone he should have stopped.

"You're doing so well," He said, clearing his throat. "So the abuse happened for about a year. Did your mom ever do anything?"

"She slapped me a couple of times, and she'd used her cigarettes to burn me," Santana said quietly. "She was mostly the one having a go at me, calling me names, telling me how disappointing I was, how everyone else's daughters were pretty and thin and I was nothing like that,"

"Okay, well, I think we'll leave it there for now," Officer Whitby said, standing up. "I just have one more question,"

Santana looked up at the seriousness highlighting his tone and made eye contact to show she was listening. He looked back at her, a hint of sympathy in his eyes but he knew he had to ask. That was what part of today was for.

"Would you like to press charges against your parents?"

Santana had known he was going to ask this question. But that didn't make her any more prepared for it. She needed Brittany. Or did she? She already knew what Brittany would say. But it was up to her. It'd always been up to her. She was scared, scared at what the trial would mean, scared at facing her parents again in a courtroom and having to relive the whole ordeal again. But then she thought to the future. She might be... happy. She might grow up and be somebody. She'd never have to be hit again and put down, she could live her dreams without someone telling her she'd never get there. And what if her parents decided to have more children? What if they didn't plan it but got another one anyway? Could she really let that happen? Could she really let her parents have the opportunity they tried to deny her?

"Yes," She said quietly. "I'd like to press charges,"

X

On Wednesday morning Mr and Mrs Lopez were led to the courtroom. It was the first time they'd seen each other for a month due to them being separated by the police. Mr Lopez could only assume that the police were keeping them apart so that they couldn't plan a story together that would get them out of this. Their stupid brat of a daughter had put them here.

Mrs Lopez sat down next to her lawyer who looked so bored it was obvious he didn't want to be there. Mr Lopez sat down with his lawyer too, opposite his wife, and was told to keep his mouth shut at all times. The judge was small man with hair that was slowly receding and glasses that were too small for his face. The clerk stood up when he was seated and began to read.

"The state of Ohio versus Giorgio Lopez and Antonia Lopez. Grand Jury 5643 handed down an indictment on November Seventeenth, 2012, on a count of attempted murder and aggravated assault. Giorgio Lopez and Antonia Lopez are charged with wilfully, knowingly and deliberately attempting to kill their daughter, Santana Lopez, whilst also assaulting her physically and verbally since 2011."

The judge looked straight at Mrs Lopez and asked "Mrs Lopez, how do you plead?"

"Not guilty, Your Honour," Mrs Lopez said, standing up as instructed by her lawyer.

"Mr Lopez, how do you plead?" The judge asked turning to him.

"Not guilty, Your Honour," Mr Lopez repeated.

"Does the state wish to be heard on bail?" The judge asked, glancing around.

Santana's lawyer Jordan Harper, one Officer Whitby had requested for her, stood up.

"Your Honour, due to the severity of the charge we request that the defendants be held without bail,"

Mr Lopez's lawyer stood up so fast Jordan felt sure he had a rocket up his ass and would crash through the roof any minute.

"Your Honour, my client has a home here, friends, he's never been convicted of any given crime before. If the risk of a flight is a problem we are happy to suspend his passport,"

"We would also be happy to agree to these conditions," Mrs Lopez's lawyer said.

The judge thought for a moment before picking up his gavel and swinging it above his head. "We're talking about attempted murder and grievous assault so the defendants will both be held without bail,"

**I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update this! I've had the week from hell and just lost track of time so I apologise for the length between chapters! I hope this wasn't too bad; I have no knowledge of police encounters or law so I've just taken what I think would happen and put it down! Thank you for the tremendous response to the last chapter. I have decided to keep going with this story! Sometimes it's all that keeps me going! Updates might be long but we're soon breaking up for Easter so I'll have plenty of time to write then! Please read and review! Thank you all so much!  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Thirteen**

Santana carefully placed both hands under her broken leg and set it gently on to the floor. Then she swung her other leg over and grabbed her crutches that were leaning against the bedside table. She put them into place then hoisted herself up, the strength it took knocking everything out of her. She stood still for a couple of minutes, breathing deeply, hoping that the faint feeling would go if she waited long enough.

She was sick of this already and she'd only been awake for a week. The nurses were getting her out of bed more often as the week wore on, obviously hopeful that her strength was returning to her, however slowly. But it was so _hard. _Admitting she needed help was one thing, actually getting it was another.

She moved one crutch further in front and began to gradually make her way across the room. The small bathroom seemed to get further and further away with each step she made but she was determined to do it. Just as she was reaching the door however the main one opened and Brittany walked in, her mother just behind.

"Hey, we have some stuff to tell you but if you're too tired then..." Brittany began but upon seeing the bed empty she stopped.

Santana spun around, Brittany startling her and almost fell over completely, managing only to stay upright by the wall behind her. Brittany shot over so fast that Santana was sure she hadn't actually moved. She placed an arm around Santana's waist and guided her back to bed. They were both frowning, though for different reasons.

"What are you doing, trying to do that alone?" Brittany scolded, putting a pillow under Santana's head and forcing her back.

"I needed the toilet," Santana mumbled, letting her crutches fall to the floor.

The crash that followed was greeted by silence. Brittany sighed and sat down next to her. She knew how hard this was for Santana but pressing the button would help her; a nurse would be there within seconds to stop this sort of thing from happening. Without her here Santana would up and about all the time and what would happen if she wasn't there to catch her?

"You need to be careful," Brittany said gently. "Your stomach's still healing and your leg's... well, you know about that,"

"I am being careful," Santana said, somewhat stung.

"Santana, the nurses are only a button away," Mrs Pierce said, taking a seat on Santana's other side. "You know they're willing to help you do anything,"

Santana didn't answer. She didn't want help and she didn't need it. She was doing perfectly fine on her own. She'd always been good at doing things on her own. Though she was sure they didn't need to be reminded of that.

"Do you want me to help you go to the toilet?" Brittany asked hesitantly.

"No, it's fine," Santana muttered. "What did you want to talk about?"

Brittany glanced at her mother when Santana responded. She'd warned her that Santana might be hostile, unwilling to accept any help. And the offer they were about to put forward was one Brittany was sure Santana would go for but her mother wasn't.

"Your parents had their trial on Wednesday," Mrs Pierce said, breaking the silence.

At this Santana looked up, her eyes wide. She'd managed to avoid hearing about this until now. It wasn't that she didn't want to; it's that she was afraid to. What if they had been granted bail? Would they be allowed to come here, to the hospital? Would they be allowed to take her away and hit her again and tell her all the time how disgusting she was?

"San, Santana," Brittany said firmly, shaking her shoulders slightly. "It's okay,"

"What... What did they get?" Santana asked faintly.

"They weren't granted bail," Mrs Pierce said.

Santana didn't move. She didn't speak. She couldn't; she didn't know what to say. Brittany was talking to her again, trying to make her look at her but her thoughts were too clouded. She needed to sort them out in her head.

Her parents didn't get bail. They weren't coming to get her. They wouldn't be able to go near her until the trial and maybe not even then. She wasn't going to be hurt again, or brought down again, or called names again. Santana didn't know what caused it. She didn't understand why the tears were cascading down her cheeks. Surely this was a good thing?

"It's okay, sweetie," Brittany murmured wrapping her arms around Santana who was now shaking. "It's okay,"

X

It took a long time for Brittany to calm Santana down. She eventually fell asleep, the crying exhausting her but even then she was jumpy, scared of the darkness that came with it. Brittany stayed by her side, just like usual, but it was getting harder and harder to try and help. When Santana woke up from her forth nightmare, shaking and unable to breathe, Brittany did what she usually did. Held her as she cried, rubbed her back, wiped away the tears when they started to subside, handed her the glass of water and watched her gulp it down, settled her back on the bed, hand in hand, singing soft songs until she fell asleep again.

Nothing Brittany said or did would keep the nightmares away. She wasn't even sure what the nightmares were about but she could guess. The counsellor assigned to Santana, the one Santana didn't know about yet, had told her that Santana may suffer some form of flashback, possibly through her dreams. Brittany wished she could give her some sort of drug that would take them away but she knew that was impossible. The pain Santana felt in her sleep was emotional, not something that could be taken away by a drug.

Santana woke up again just after six. Brittany had fallen asleep but woke up abruptly when Santana did, already standing up to comfort her. But Santana wasn't crying. She was just sat there, her eyes vacant, empty, emotionless. She didn't say or do anything when Brittany sat beside her on the bed. It was like she didn't know Brittany was there.

Brittany was worried; this was something she hadn't dealt with before, but she pushed the worry aside and gently draped her arm across Santana's shoulder. It was something she'd done hundreds of times before so when the scream started she panicked, wondering where on earth it was coming from.

Santana curled in on herself, her face fearful. Her eyes were shut tight and she'd slung her arm across her face as if protecting herself from a hit... Brittany's heart stopped. Santana was scared of her. Well, scared of what she was going to do. But she hadn't been about to do anything.

"San, it's okay," Brittany said quietly. "It's just me, San, I won't hurt you,"

Santana's body was shaking, whether by fear or crying, she didn't know. She was scared to touch her again so she climbed off the bed and bent down instead, until her face was inches from Santana's arm.

"Santana, it's just me," She repeated.

She continued to soothe Santana, promising her all kinds of things and trying to prove it was her through memory. She knew her voice should trigger some kind of response but she knew Santana was scared beyond belief. She could be anywhere in her head right now. After ten full minutes Santana slowly removed her arm and opened her eyes.

She blinked a couple of times like she didn't know where she was. Brittany smiled softly and reached her hand out slowly. Santana didn't react like before but she flinched. Brittany cupped Santana's cheek, wiping away a stray tear. It was killing her, seeing Santana like this, but she was determined to be the best girlfriend she could be and see her through this.

"You're okay," Brittany murmured.

"Britt... I'm... I'm so sorry," Santana said the tears coming again.

"Hey, you have nothing to be sorry about," Brittany said frowning, enveloping Santana in her arms. "Where'd you go, huh?"

Santana didn't answer but Brittany hadn't expected her to. She let her tears run through her shirt, Santana's hands grasping her like she'd disappear if she let go. She couldn't get rid of the pain entirely and not right now, but she made it her mission to get Santana back to the girl she used to be, and happy once again.

X

The next couple of days passed without incident. Santana began to slowly walk several more steps before she told Brittany it was too much for her. She'd managed to walk herself all the way to the bathroom once and was already determined to get out of the hospital and go home. The doctors and nurses were pleased with the progress she was making physically but none of them believed she was emotionally or mentally able to look after herself properly.

She woke up at least four or five times a night, sometimes screaming, the nightmares making themselves so real to her that it took a long time to calm her down again. She wouldn't talk to anyone, especially Brittany, about how she was feeling or the situation she was in, or her parents. The counsellor the hospital had provided sat with her for an hour a week but so far Santana had made no effort with her. The counsellor would spend the hour talking to herself, trying to engage with Santana but receiving nothing. She assured them all that it was normal, that Santana was possibly scared at opening up, afraid perhaps of what would happen if she did, but Brittany wasn't convinced.

She wasn't eating much either. If Brittany wasn't there a nurse would sit with her, encouraging her to take just one more bite but when Santana refused there was no negotiating with her. She'd merely push it away and wait until the person left the room before she moved again.

Added to all this she couldn't get through an hour at a time without crying. Brittany tried her best but sometimes all she could do was hold her until it stopped. Santana always apologised afterwards but Brittany was unsure of what else she could do. She was worried, beyond worried, but Santana needed her and she'd be damned if anyone tried to take her away again.

A full twelve days since Santana woke up had passed and Brittany found herself once again holding Santana tightly to her chest. Santana's lawyer had been in to see how she was getting on and to explain to her what the situation would be like from now on. He told them that her parents were in jail and would be until the trial, which was a possible three months away. He told her that, for now, he was tracking down witnesses, professionals, character references like Brittany and Kurt before he started the painful process of talking through thoroughly the abuse with Santana herself.

As the talk progressed Santana got more and more agitated. Brittany could tell she was trying to be strong but as soon as he left a torrent of tears escaped her. Brittany had soothed her, telling it was okay, that they'd get through it together but Santana was too far gone. All she could do now was hold her, rock her, until the time when she sat back and mumbled her apologies, even with nothing to apologise for.

Brittany glanced up when the door opened. Kurt stood awkwardly in the doorway, a forced smile on his face that instantly disappeared when he saw the state Santana was in. He raised his eyebrows, a question, and Brittany merely shook her head, inviting him in without words.

"Hey, princess," He said sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Santana stopped crying, only snuffling slightly and looked up. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, red around the outside. Kurt smiled at her. She looked up at Brittany who smiled at her too then sat back against her pillows, rubbing her hands over her eyes quickly, almost as if she was embarrassed.

"You okay?" He asked her, even though he knew it was a stupid question.

"How are you, Kurt?" She said, ignoring him and firing his question back at him.

"I'm not too bad," He said, doing what Brittany couldn't and allowing her control of the conversation.

"Did you win Sectionals?" Santana asked quietly.

"Of course we did," Kurt said, glancing at Brittany slightly but looking away almost instantly. "We would have won by a landslide if we'd had you though," He added, a smile on his face.

Santana smiled too but it was small, not like the ones he used to know. He began to talk, the words falling out of him so effortlessly that it made Brittany jealous. Was it her tie to Santana that made this all so hard? Was the passion in their relationship, the intensity, something to make it all harder? Here was Kurt, talking about anything and everything as if it were that simple, making it all look so easy. And then there was her, unable to provide Santana with the comfort and the reassurance she so desperately needed because she just didn't know what to say.

Santana looked at ease with Kurt. She was still tensed, still in pain, still crying slightly, the tears falling as if she didn't know they were there but her face was relaxed more than usual. She was enjoying his company. Maybe it was easier for her this way. Being able to talk to someone who didn't have that connection with her. Or maybe it was just Brittany she was struggling with. No, don't think that, she cursed herself. Possibly she was content with the hugs and kisses that Brittany provided her with. Maybe Kurt was more of an escape from everything. He certainly made Brittany forget about her troubles when he spoke.

"Britt," Santana's voice knocked her out of her reverie.

She was immediately on her feet and in front of Santana, assessing what was wrong. But Santana just looked confused.

"What's wrong? Where does it hurt?" Brittany asked.

"It doesn't hurt," Santana said quietly. "Are you okay?"

"You went out on us there," Kurt chipped in.

"Did I? I'm sorry," Brittany said, sitting back down and smiling at Santana to reassure her. "I'm fine, honestly."

Santana looked convinced but she was tensed again. Kurt wasn't continuing the conversation. In fact he was standing up, buttoning his coat as if making to leave. But Brittany didn't want him to leave.

"Where are you going?" She asked him.

"I'm meeting Blaine for a coffee," Kurt said rolling his eyes. "It seems my Warbler has something on his mind. I'll see you girls later,"

They watched him as he left but all he left behind was a deep silence. Brittany rubbed Santana's cold hands in her own, trying her best to warm them up but even this was failing. They were as cold as ever, the heat leaving as soon as it reached them.

"How are you feeling?" Brittany asked her.

"I'm okay," Santana said, still not looking at her.

"I still think you should talk to someone," Brittany said offhandedly as if what she was about to say wasn't prepared.

"I don't want to talk to anyone," Santana said, the mask returning.

"It might help," Brittany said shrugging. "Besides, what have you got to lose? She won't tell anyone what you say, you can tell her anything, she's there for you so no-one else matters. It'll just be about you for a change,"

Santana looked down, pretending she wasn't interested, but she had to admit, Brittany's words were getting through to her. She was desperate to let out the pain inside but she knew only one way of doing that and there was way Brittany would agree to it. She doubted anyone else would either. But she was right, what did she have to lose? Nothing. Nobody could gain anything from her speaking to this counsellor. And it might help. She seriously doubted it'd be as helpful as her alternative but it couldn't hurt trying, could it?

"Okay, I'll speak to her,"

X

The next day when the counsellor walked in and pulled a chair over to her Santana was ready. She'd let the counsellor start first, probably expecting another hour of silence, but then she'd respond. Hopefully. At the moment it felt like her throat was blocked. Like all the words she wanted to say were stuck there and when they came out they'd all be jumbled and she'd have to start over.

"Hello again," The counsellor said cheerfully. "How are you feeling today?"

She didn't expect an answer so she took to rooting through her bag for an object she didn't know about. When Santana spoke it was enough to make her look up, shocked, before going back to being professional and making out she wasn't so surprised.

"I'm tired,"

They were only two words but they were two words more than what she'd ever said before. Plus they answered the question perfectly. Tired could mean anything.

"What are you tired of, Santana?" She asked carefully, watching the girl's face for any sign of something other than the words she was speaking.

Santana hesitated before answering. It was like she was arguing with something in her head. But when she spoke she sounded steady, weak, but steady.

"I'm tired of waking up," She said slowly. "I'm tired of everyone watching me like I'm about to explode. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being tired,"

"Let's start slowly, okay," The counsellor said, writing a couple of things down. "What do you mean when you say you're tired of waking up?"

"I don't want to be here," Santana forced out in a pained voice.

"You don't want to be here," The counsellor repeated. "What do you mean by that?"

"All of this, it's too hard," Santana choked out, the tears rolling down her cheeks so fast she couldn't stop them if she tried. "I'm trying so hard to tell people I'm okay, to pretend that everything's okay but they keep coming back for more and I don't know what they want,"

"They're just trying to help you, Santana," The counsellor said softly. "They want to help you get better,"

"I am better, I'm fine," Santana said.

"You said you wake up crying," The counsellor said, trying a new tactic. "Do you know why that is?"

"I have nightmares," Santana admitted.

"Do you want to talk about them?"

Santana shook her head. She would talk about anything, everything, if it meant those nightmares would stay secret. She didn't want to talk about them to anybody. Not even Brittany. Brittany would freak out.

"Okay, that's fine," The counsellor said gently. "Is there anything else you want to discuss?"

"When does this all end?" She asked, so quietly the counsellor had to strain to hear her.

"When does what end?"

"The pain,"

The counsellor thought a minute before answering. She wasn't sure what Santana wanted to hear but she could guess. "It can be a long time before recovery makes itself known. I promise you this, the pain will stop one day,"

Santana sighed but deep down she knew there wouldn't be another response. What did she expect? She wouldn't say 'It'll go away if you do this' or 'it'll go away when you do that'. Pain didn't stop overnight. She just wished she could find some way of making it a bit less painful.

"Maybe you could write some things down?" The counsellor suggested. "Lots of people find that writing their feelings down on paper or maybe even a diary can help. It's easier that way too because then you can burn it afterwards. Some people say it's quite a release, setting fire to the feelings and watching them go away,"

The release. Santana focused on that one word and absentmindedly scratched her wrists. It didn't hurt anymore because, obviously, she hadn't done it for weeks, months even. But she could still feel the scars, pressing up against her flesh. She was desperate for the release this counsellor was talking about but she didn't know if it would come through writing. Maybe she could try it.

"Okay, well, I can see that you're pretty tired, maybe we'll continue this next week, yeah?"

Santana nodded but didn't say anything as the counsellor left the room.

X

Brittany and Mrs Pierce entered the room an hour after the counsellor had left, unsure of how Santana would be. She was curled up on her side, asleep, looking more peaceful than she had in weeks. Mrs Pierce smiled gently and sat down in the only chair, while Brittany sat down on the edge of the bed and folded Santana's hand into her own.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" Brittany asked.

"Of course she will, she's strong," Mrs Pierce said, her eyes twinkling. "You taught me that,"

Brittany smiled and held Santana's hand to her face. It felt warm to the touch and soft, like a baby's skin. When Santana opened her eyes she didn't flinch, merely cupped Brittany's cheek and stroked her thumb along Brittany jaw line. It'd been so long since Santana had touched her that Brittany startled but held tighter to her hand as she made to pull away.

Santana sat up slightly and leant forward. When their lips connected Brittany could barely contain herself. She knew she had to, for Santana's sake, but this feeling was one she'd missed and one she hadn't felt for months. She locked her hand in Santana's hair and kept them glued together, Santana reminding her of what she'd missed out on.

**I'm sorry the update's been slow again but I'm off now for two weeks so I could find more time for writing. I don't know whether to be satisfied with this chapter or not. Nothing really happened though it was more of a filler. I think we're reaching the end of this story. I have two endings in mind and one of them is longer than the other so I'm still deciding on that but don't worry! Still a few more to go yet! I hope this chapter was okay! Please read and review! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fourteen**

Brittany watched Santana as she slept, almost as if turning away, even for a second, would mean losing her again. For the moment her face was relaxed, the sleep bringing with it a sense of peace. It was allowing her to escape, if only for a while, but Brittany wasn't sure how long it would last.

It'd been two weeks since Santana had woken up. In that two weeks they'd won Sectionals, Santana's parents had been sent back to jail awaiting trial, she and Kurt had had similar interviews with Santana's lawyers; they'd both be character witnesses. Brittany had given him as much information as she could, right from the moment she met Santana, to the first time they kissed, to the outings they'd have together to now. He'd asked about her school life, her grades, the friends she had, the enemies. Brittany had faltered at this point. What did she say to that? She knew Santana and Quinn had been enemies, if she could call it that, but they were okay now. At least it seemed that way.

She'd settled with telling him everything, how Quinn had bullied her constantly day in and day out, how, on hearing that she was friends with Brittany, it had got worse. She then told how Quinn had ignored them both for weeks before apologising with no given reason. The lawyer had then said he'd talk to Quinn, maybe using her too, although Brittany wasn't sure what good it would do.

Kurt had informed her that he couldn't answer the questions as well as she'd seemed to. Of course he was friends with Santana, hell, he loved her but he didn't know her inside out like Brittany. The information he did have however interested the lawyer. He could describe well when he started to notice a change in her. He told of the times she'd come to school clutching a rib, or limping, and how he'd been able to guess what was going on. He mentioned his first chat with Santana and all the other times in between. He'd even cried, Blaine clutching his hand as he did, saying he should have done something and can't understand why he didn't. The lawyer had told him not to dwell on it too much, that many people could have helped, including Santana herself. But this did nothing to halt Kurt's guilt.

All through this Santana slept, the medication she was on making her drowsy. The lawyer spent the next week piecing together as much information as he could from Brittany and Kurt although he said he was probably nowhere near finished.

The police continued to keep them informed but there was only so much they could tell them. There wasn't much to be said anyway. Brittany knew that Santana's parents were being kept apart, due to the chance of them concocting a story together to get them off the hook. Their lawyers were also kept apart; to each their own as Brittany liked to say. The police had nothing to do regarding them now. The only thing left for them was questioning but Brittany knew there were more important people to be questioned at the moment.

Santana turned over, stirring from her sleep, her eyes blinking rapidly against the light. Brittany smiled and grasped her hand.

"Hey, sleepyhead," She said softly.

Santana smiled slightly but winced, her hand stilling at her side. Brittany's heart stuttered but she stayed in control, managing to help Santana sit up and take a sip of her drink.

"How are you feeling?" Brittany asked. "And don't say you're okay if you're not. You can tell me if it's hurting somewhere,"

Santana looked away and secretly assessed herself. She was sore, pretty much everywhere but she couldn't tell Brittany that. She decided to name one particular place and when she got the painkillers for it the rest might go away too.

"My leg's a bit sore," She admitted.

Brittany smiled at Santana's admission but quickly looked serious again as she pressed the nurse's button. She explained Santana's discomfort quietly to the nurse who appeared and gave her the medication personally to make her feel better about telling her. Santana took the pills without complaint then lay back against her pillows, suddenly exhausted again.

"Kurt said to tell you he's sorry but he can't come and see you today," Brittany said, sitting back against her chair and folding her arms.

"Oh," Santana said in a small voice. "Did he say why?"

"It's something to do with his dad I think," Brittany said frowning as she tried to remember.

"Oh," Was all she could say.

"Don't worry; he'll be here tomorrow,"

Santana nodded but inside she was feeling quite disheartened. She enjoyed seeing Kurt. He made her forget everything for a while. There was no connection between the two of them that involved her parents. Brittany had been there when she'd had to stay for the week; she was there when she first came here. She knew too much; there was too much of a reminder. With Kurt everything went away. She didn't blame Brittany, not at all, but sometimes it was nice to spend a few hours away from it.

"He makes you happy doesn't he," Brittany said. It wasn't a question.

"Yeah," Santana said quietly. "But not as happy as you do,"

A wide smile spread across Brittany's face. She hopped up from her chair and lay down next to Santana, their foreheads touching. They clasped hands and looked into each other's eyes, revelling in the fact that they were both here, safe, happy, with each other.

"I missed you," Brittany said, lightly kissing Santana's lips.

"I missed you too," Santana said, kissing her back but frowning when Brittany pulled back.

"You taste different," She said, licking her lips but smiling.

"Huh, do you not like it?" Santana asked, a smile playing around her mouth.

"I didn't say that, did I," Brittany said reconnecting their lips.

X

"Are you sure she'll go for this?" Brittany asked nervously as she stood outside Santana's room with her mom.

"You were the one who convinced me!" Mrs Pierce said in disbelief.

"I know but now we're actually doing it I'm not sure," Brittany said, chewing her thumb.

"Look at me," Mrs Pierce said, waiting until Brittany's blue eyes connected with hers. "Santana loves you, anyone can see that. She's been through a terrible ordeal and look who's been there with her; you. If this was to happen to anyone else she'd say no, but it's you, so let's go and find out,"

Brittany smiled and kissed her mom's cheek softly. Then she took a deep breath and pushed open the door to Santana's room. Santana smiled when they walked in and put down the magazine she was reading. Mrs Pierce took a seat by the bed and waited for Brittany to sit down on the edge.

"We need to talk to you about something," Brittany said, taking Santana's hand for something to cling on to.

"What is it?" Santana asked, her face going pale. Anytime this happened her parents were mentioned.

"Don't worry, sweetheart," Mrs Pierce said, smiling to show it was okay. "It's nothing to do with... you know,"

"No, nothing to do with them," Brittany assured her. "Well, it is, but not really. I mean without them we wouldn't be talking about it but it's not really about them,"

"Brittany," Mrs Pierce shook her head slightly.

"I'm sorry," She said, laughing because of her nerves. Santana looked alarmed; what was going on?

"We were wondering, well, I was wondering and we've cleared it with the police and everything, although I think that's because they don't know an alternative..."

"Britt, what is it?" Santana asked, confused now.

"Would you like to move in with us?"

The silence that followed was one of the longest Brittany had ever heard. She didn't know if that was because it was long or because she was desperate for an answer but still; it was long. Santana's face was expressionless. Neither of them could tell what she was thinking.

"You mean, like..."

"You can come and live with us," Brittany said again. "You'd have you own room, we have a spare, and we'd look after you really well,"

Santana didn't know what to say. Once again she found her voice stuck in her throat. Brittany wanted her to move in with them. They were giving her somewhere to stay, somewhere to go as she had nowhere else. Her dad's voice rang out in her head. The sudden noise startled her and she clasped her hands over her ears trying to block him out.

_You're nothing but a burden. _

_These people aren't your friends. They pity you._

_You're filling up their space, why would they do this because they like you?_

She could feel Brittany's hands prising her own away but without her own there he'd be louder than ever. Mrs Pierce was calling for a nurse but Santana didn't really notice. This act of kindness was their way of telling her they pitied her, that they felt sorry for her. They didn't really care about her, they didn't love her. Brittany was full of lies.

She shook her head desperately. Brittany wasn't a liar. Brittany loved her. Her own voice fought back, clinging on to the small hope she had left that someone out there cared for her. She felt a prick in her arm, the soft pillow on her back. Before the darkness took her completely she clenched her fist in Brittany's shirt and pulled her towards her.

"Don't leave me," She murmured weakly.

"Never," Brittany promised.

X

Mrs Pierce paced up and down the corridor, her mind a constant jumble of thoughts she couldn't make out. Brittany had warned her this might happen but no amount of warning could have prepared her for what she just witnessed. The poor girl was hurt more than they'd first anticipated and no drugs would take away how she must feel inside.

She leant against the wall for support, her knees shaking. Brittany had spoken of the nights she'd spent with Santana, the screaming, the shaking, the nightmares. But to actually experience it for yourself had a whole new meaning. She'd put her hands over her ears to block something; but what? What had she heard, what had she seen, that had made her go like that? Like there was nothing left of her, nothing there to take.

With a surge of fury Mrs Pierce thought of Santana's parents. They'd not only scarred her on the outside but the inside too. They'd turned her into a wreck. Mrs Pierce could not separate the girl she'd first met to the one now here, sedated to protect her from herself. They'd done more damage than physical. She herself had seen the flicker of hope in her eyes at Brittany's suggestion before the image or the noise in her head had taken it from her.

With an anger she didn't know she possessed she turned around and stuck her fist through the wall.

X

Brittany never once left Santana's side in her sedation. Not only was she one for keeping promises, she was also one for sticking around. Her brows were still creased even as she slept, whatever had set her off still burrowed somewhere inside of her. She sang to her through the haze, hoping that wherever she was she could hear her.

"_And I love you, I love you, I love you,_" Brittany murmured. "_Like never before,"_

She kissed each of her fingertips, her touch sometimes enough to calm her and sure enough Santana's face relaxed, her touch and her voice sending her to a sleep that was more peaceful. She didn't know how long she was sat there but it was long enough that the light outside began to fade, the darkness replacing it. The light in the room automatically switched on, bathing the room in an yellow like glow. When the door opened Brittany didn't look up, assuming as always that it was her mom.

"Is our princess still asleep?"

She turned around so fast her neck cricked. Rubbing it she stood up and let Kurt hold her, the tears that had been threatening to fall all day making their appearance. He didn't know what had happened but it had obviously taken its toll on her. He said nothing as she cried, merely rubbing her back and letting it get out of her system but after nearly ten minutes he decided he needed answers.

He sat her back down and handed her a tissue. He waited patiently for her to wipe her eyes and blow her nose before he started asking the questions.

"What happened?" He asked softly.

"She had to be sedated," Brittany said in between sobs. "They've destroyed her Kurt, look at her,"

Kurt glanced over to the bed and took in the girl before him. She almost looked back to normal physically. The cut above her eye was healing well, the bruising was almost gone. You could tell she'd suffered a broken nose but you could also tell it'd been fixed. But when he looked more closely he could see the bags under her eyes, the red rim around them. He could see the lines on her face from the stress she was enduring, the pain.

"Why did she have to be sedated?" He asked her.

"I... I asked her if she wanted to move in with us," Brittany said quietly. "I saw her eyes, Kurt, they looked happy. But then, something in her switched. She started to panic. Her whole body was shaking and she had her hands over her ears, like she couldn't bear it,"

"She had her hands over her ears?"

"Yeah," Brittany said nodding. "We don't know what caused it. Something she saw or something she heard... I doubt she'll tell me anyway,"

"Well, judging by the fact that it was her ears she was covering I'd say she heard something," Kurt mused, saddened by what he'd heard. "Maybe a voice, one of her parents, I don't know,"

"I think you could be right," Brittany said, considering what he was saying.

"Don't take what I say as fact," He warned her. "I merely speak my jumbled thoughts out loud, they could mean anything,"

Brittany smiled slightly and looked back over at Santana. She was frowning again but not like before. She seemed confused. Brittany didn't see why. Kurt looked over too. He hadn't wanted to admit it to her but Brittany was right. Santana's parents had destroyed her. No longer sat before them was the girl who could make anyone laugh; the girl who could take words and make them have an entirely different meaning.

"I better get going," Kurt said, standing up.

"You're going already?" Brittany said sniffing and standing up with him. "Santana really wanted to see you,"

Kurt sighed and ran a hand down his face. He wanted to see Santana, truly he did, but it got harder and harder every time. Even today, he'd come to say hello, see how she was doing. Instead he got bombarded by a sobbing Brittany and told that the scars run deeper than her skin.

"What? Is it getting annoying for you now? Is it harder to keep the act going?" Brittany asked harshly.

"Hey, there's no need for that," Kurt said stung. "This is no act, I love Santana, you know that. And no, it's not annoying, at all. It's hard. You should know that too, seeing as how you've just spent half an hour crying. So don't you dare tell me that all this is just me pretending,"

"Kurt?" Santana's voice stopped the arguing immediately.

Kurt threw a scowl at Brittany then sat beside Santana who wasn't actually awake but was calling his name.

"I'm right here, princess," He said, taking her hand and squeezing it.

"Kurt," She mumbled.

"It's okay," Kurt promised her. "You're okay,"

A small sigh left her lips but she continued to sleep. Kurt watched her for a full three minutes before standing up and buttoning up his coat. Brittany didn't say a word as he picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder.

"Don't tell me I'm in this for anything other than her," Kurt said quietly and then he left the room.

Brittany briefly closed her eyes and slumped back down in her chair. She hadn't meant to say what she did to Kurt. She knew he loved Santana, she knew he cared unconditionally for her. But something had snapped in her, something she didn't know was there. It wasn't like her to just take her anger out of someone, especially not Kurt. She'd have to ring him or go and see him to apologise, to promise that she knew he was genuine.

She rubbed her eyes wearily and checked her watch. It had just gone ten; she'd have to leave soon. She should have left at around eight but with Santana needing a sedative she'd been given permission to stay longer.

Santana woke up when Brittany fell asleep. Her eyes opened slowly, her mind still groggy after the sedative she'd been administered. She glanced around the room, each object becoming more solid as she took them in, and spotted Brittany in the only chair, fast asleep. She couldn't see Kurt anywhere but she was sure he'd been here.

"Brittany," She said, her voice sounding funny even to her own ears. "Brittany,"

Brittany startled awake, looking around for the source of the noise. She stood up quickly when she saw Santana was awake and sat beside her, careful not to say or do anything that might set her off again. She seemed calm though, her face not really showing much. Brittany hesitantly took her hand and smiled encouragingly.

"I'm sorry," Santana whispered.

Brittany closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Santana's body. Nothing she said after her breakdowns made Santana feel better so she settled for saying nothing at all. She put as much love and care into the hug she could, squeezing her tightly, her right hand running through her hair.

"What can I do to make it better?" Brittany muttered, a question neither of them could answer.

X

After Santana's breakdown the doctors pushed her discharge from the hospital further forward. Physically she was able to leave but mentally she wasn't. The counsellor continued to go and see her, being sure to asses not only her speech but her mind as well. She confirmed with several doctors and nurses that Santana wasn't stable enough in her mind to look after herself and as Brittany hadn't raised the topic of where she'd live again they were unsure as to what her future would be like.

In all honesty Brittany was scared to. She didn't want to trigger another painful memory or, as Kurt suggested, a voice, knowing that, if she did, it might take Santana away from her again. They spoke but not properly. The only way Santana didn't break down was when they spoke about normal things like school, and Kurt, and movies, skirting around any topic that might make her withdraw into herself.

However, when yet another week passed, leading them into December, it became clear to Brittany that the hospital needed to know of a secure outcome for Santana. The option for her to live with Brittany was always available but Brittany was too worried to broach the subject again. Which is why she found herself sitting with the police who had interviewed Santana in the hospital room. They'd offered to speak to her, let her know her options, something Brittany was slightly more comfortable with.

"Hello, you," Officer Whitby said, entering the room and sitting beside her like they were old friends.

Santana froze at the sight of them, wondering what on earth they wanted her for now. Brittany squeezed her hand lovingly and assured her that they just wanted to talk to her, that it was nothing to worry about.

"How are you feeling?" He began.

"I'm okay," Santana said, unable to look him in the eye again.

"I'm glad to hear that," Officer Whitby said, knowing she was lying to him but for once not minding. "We've come to talk to you about living arrangements, Santana, for when you're discharged from here,"

He studied her carefully as he spoke. From what he'd been told the last time she'd been offered somewhere to live she'd had a complete meltdown. Now she seemed to be doing everything she could to stop that from happening again. One fist clenched on the sheets, the other was wrapped around Brittany's. Her eyes were wide but she was concentrating on the wall opposite her, obviously fighting with something inside her.

"Brittany has offered you a room in her home," Officer Whitby said slowly. "We've checked it out for you and it's completely safe. Her parents are safe too, as is she. We've had checks done on your surrounding neighbours and they know nothing about you or your family. You'll be safe there, I promise,"

"I'll be... safe?" Santana repeated, her voice small and tired.

"Yes, Santana," Officer Whitby promised.

"You'll have your own room," Brittany said softly. "And we'll put a lock on it if it makes you feel safer, so you can be on your own if you feel scared,"

Santana considered this. Deep down she knew Brittany and her parents wouldn't hurt her. They'd look after her and nothing like she'd already been through would happen again. But for some reason she couldn't explain she sometimes found herself terrified by the sight of them, petrified when they moved their arms, or raised their hands. Having a lock on the door would mean she could lock herself away if she felt threatened and they wouldn't be able to reach her.

"To make you feel better we could issue you with a special cell phone," Officer Whitby said. "It would have our number on speed dial so you can get in touch with us anytime,"

"That'd be..." Santana struggled to find the right word but the he knew what she was trying to say.

"We'll give you some time to think about it, don't feel you have to rush, just take your time," Officer Whitby said, standing up and gently patting her shoulder.

She visibly flinched and he withdrew quickly, cursing himself. Now she had someone else to be afraid of. Brittany whispered something to her that he couldn't hear then looked up at him, a question in her eyes.

"We'll see you soon, Santana," He said, leaving the room.

"It's like he said, baby," Brittany said gently pushing Santana back against the pillows. "Just take your time, have a little sleep, think about it,"

Santana nodded and leant back, closed her eyes. All she seemed to do was think these days. Couldn't anything ever be simple? With Brittany's hand still in her own she began to sleep, her father's face leering at her, the very image of her nightmares.

**I hope this chapter was okay! Thank you to broken-timemachine for reviewing the last chapter! Your continued support inspires me to carry on so thank you! Please read and review!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Fifteen**

_He was standing directly in front of her. His face was confused, almost as if he didn't understand what was going on. She couldn't bear to look into his eyes, knowing that, if she did, she wouldn't be able to look away again. She settled on watching his chest, never wavering, not even for a second. He was pacing back and forth in front of her, his polished shoes striking the floor with each step._

"_Why have you betrayed me so?" He asked, his voice freezing her._

"_I... I don't understand," She said slowly._

"_Is this what you wanted all along?" He said, acting as if she hadn't spoken. _

"_I don't know what you mean," _

_He stopped in front of her and bent down so that they were eye level. She could no longer focus on his chest what with his face being so close to hers so she quickly averted her eyes and looked at the floor instead. His hand reached out slowly and he trailed a single finger down her face, starting with her temple and ending with her jaw._

_She closed her eyes at his touch but not because she liked it. She was repulsed, revolted by it but one movement could shatter everything. She heard a soft laugh escape him and opened her eyes again to see him standing back up. _

"_You really are something else," He muttered and with one swift motion he slapped her hard across the face. _

_She fell to the floor with a bang but she knew better than to show him how much pain she was really in. He was pacing again but she could no longer see him properly. Her vision was becoming impaired, like the room was filled with smoke. _

"_You will live to regret your decision, Santana," He said threateningly. "I will make sure of it,"_

Santana sat bolt upright in bed, a scream ripping through her. A shudder swept over her body and she quietened, the scream turning into a sob that wracked her body. A pain shot across her stomach and she clutched at it, wanting nothing more than to just be able to let all of this go.

Brittany was by her side in seconds. She settled herself next to Santana and folded her body into an embrace. Santana grasped at her shirt to stop herself from falling, her eyes so filled with tears that it gave the illusion that she was drowning. Brittany rocked them both back and forth, fighting the hopelessness inside of her that told her over and over that Santana was beyond her.

"It's okay, San," She murmured, holding her tightly.

She had no idea how to make things even a bit better. Truth was this whole thing was killing her as well. Watching Santana wake up four or five times a night screaming destroyed her. Seeing the pain in her eyes every day destroyed her. Looking at the injuries she'd sustained and knowing she could have done something about it destroyed her. Unlike Santana, however, she couldn't show her feelings. It would be selfish of her to think of herself when Santana was so drained.

With these thoughts running around her mind she tightened her arms around Santana whose sobs were slowly subsiding. Brittany waited until the shaking had stopped completely before she spoke.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" She asked quietly. "Do you want some water?"

"N... No, don't leave me," Santana said, her voice sounding forced as if she didn't want to speak at all.

"I won't leave you," Brittany promised. "Come on,"

Brittany used one hand to plump the pillows and used the other to keep Santana elevated. Then she forced her to lie back but was true to her word and lay down next to her. Santana grabbed her hand under the sheets and nestled her neck under Brittany's arm. It was at times like this that Santana truly understood that Brittany wasn't out to hurt her. Lying so close to her made her feel safe; safer than she'd ever felt before.

"Brittany?"

Brittany startled slightly and opened her eyes, certain that Santana had been asleep.

"Yeah?"

"I'll move in with you,"

"What?" Brittany asked, sure she'd heard wrong.

"I'll move in with you," Santana repeated, her voice slightly muffled.

Brittany didn't say anything; she didn't have to. A wide smile spread across her face and she tightened her grip on Santana. Santana tilted her head back, looking tired and weak, and smiled slightly. Brittany pressed her lips against Santana's and poured into the kiss everything she'd never be able to say.

X

Santana said nothing when the counsellor entered the room. She'd known this was coming for a while but that didn't make her any more prepared for it. Ever since she'd agreed to move in with Brittany it had been inevitable that the counsellor would visit. She'd just hoped it wouldn't be so soon.

"Hello, Santana," She said, taking a seat.

Santana said nothing, merely nodded her response as if not speaking would make the whole thing easier. The counsellor watched her for at least three minutes, perhaps waiting for her to speak, but when Santana didn't she took a deep breath and started the conversation herself.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm tired today," Santana admitted. "But the pain's a bit better,"

"Do you mean the physical pain?"

"Yeah," Santana said quietly. "My leg's healing well, so is my stomach,"

"I'm glad to hear that," The counsellor hesitated for a moment then said, "How's the pain inside?"

Santana looked down. How could she explain the torrent of pain within her without sounding like a complete idiot? How did she even start sorting out the mess in her head? Truth was she didn't know how she felt, at least not entirely. She could argue that she felt confused because her emotions were so jumbled up she could barely sort through one before another one came along. But that didn't make much sense at all.

"I sense you can't put your feelings into words," The counsellor observed.

"No, I can't," Santana said, clearly frustrated.

"That's okay. Lots of people can see what they would like to say, clearly in their heads, but when it comes to actually saying it they find it something of a struggle,"

Santana didn't know what to say to that but inside warmth spread through her. She wasn't the only one who felt this way. She wasn't as alone as she'd once believed.

"It's like I have so many emotions and feelings inside that it's hard to sort them out," Santana said slowly.

"Maybe we should start off going through them one by one," The counsellor suggested. "What's the first feeling that comes to mind?"

Santana thought seriously about her question. The first emotion that came to mind was sadness but she didn't know why she felt so sad. The counsellor would be sure to ask her what it was making her sad and they'd just hit a wall again when Santana said she didn't know.

"I'm scared," Santana said, so quietly that the counsellor had to strain to hear her.

"What are you so scared about?" She asked gently.

"A lot of things," Santana began. "I'm scared about the trial and how I'm going to have to take the stand and tell a bunch of strangers things I can't even talk about with Brittany. I'm scared about the end of the trial and what might happen because there's every chance that my... that t_hey'll _get off and I'll have to go home and live with them again. I'm scared of moving in with Brittany tomorrow. I'm scared of my whole damn future because I just don't see one for myself,"

By the end of her admission Santana was crying. She hastily wiped away the tears running down her cheeks and pressed down hard on her wrists; an act that did not go unnoticed by the counsellor.

"At the trial all you can do is tell the truth. You have reliable witnesses and an excellent lawyer who will be able to put the information across that you need out there. Sometimes it's hard talking to our loved ones. Often, a stranger will come along, like myself and your lawyer, and you'll find yourself telling them things that you hadn't really thought about yourself. Brittany will always be there for you when you need her. I'm sure she understands that some things are very difficult to discuss. Why are you so scared about moving in with Brittany?"

"I don't know," Santana whispered. "I'm scared her parents will hate me too,"

"Have you spoken to her parents at all?"

"Her mom comes and sees me sometimes with Brittany,"

"How does she seem?" The counsellor asked.

Santana frowned before answering.

"She seems... supportive,"

"Then why are you so scared of them hating you?"

"They might get fed up of me after a while," Santana said, the pain speaking those words evident in her tone.

"Why don't you discuss your fears with Brittany and her parents? You might be pleasantly surprised by the outcome. And if you feel you can't speak about it then write it down and they could read it,"

Santana considered the idea. It might help her to talk about her feelings regarding moving in. They could quell some of the fear inside her, maybe make her feel a bit more comfortable about the transmission. She nodded slightly at the counsellor who decided to plunge in and hope for the best.

"Does your arm hurt?" She asked bluntly.

Santana instantly paled and subconsciously clutched her arm. Why had she been so stupid? She should have known the counsellor would have been watching her like a hawk. And if she noticed anything like that she would be carted off the mental ward and who knows what would happen then? She decided to stay silent and wait until the counsellor had left.

"It's okay, you don't have to talk to me about it if you don't want to," The counsellor said softly. "But I think it'd help if you did,"

"What do you want me to say?" Santana snapped.

"It's up to you what's said in our sessions," The counsellor said, secretly pleased that she'd got a response. "But I need to ask you this; are you being safe?"

Santana was startled by her question. It had taken her off guard; she hadn't expected to be asked. Besides, she didn't really understand it.

"I don't understand," She said finally.

The counsellor leant forward and folded her arms across her knees. She couldn't tell if Santana was playing dumb or really didn't understand the question but she'd have to explain it either way.

"Let's start another way," She said softly. "Are you self harming?"

Santana looked down again. Denying it at this point would be stupid, especially as she knew the counsellor already knew the answer. She didn't particularly want it in the open. She'd never admitted it out loud so speaking the words out loud would be new to her. She had to do it though. And no-one else had to know.

"Yeah," She murmured.

"When was the last time you did it?"

"I haven't done it properly for a long time," Santana said, carefully avoiding answering the question fully.

"You haven't done it properly," The counsellor repeated. "When did you last do it, regardless of whether it was done properly?"

"About a week ago," Santana grudgingly admitted.

"Are you being safe?" The counsellor asked again. "You're not using glass or anything like that?"

"No, I don't use glass," Santana said, glad she could answer this one without feeling like she was dying inside.

"Good," The counsellor said. "I can't physically stop you from doing it but I can talk to you about it,"

"It's nice to talk about it," Santana said realising as she spoke the words that they were true.

"How about I come and see you at Brittany's in a couple of days?"

"Yeah, okay," Santana said, watching as the counsellor stood up and picked her bag from the floor.

"Remember what we said about talking to her parents," The counsellor said, smiling gently. "I'll see you soon,"

Santana waited until she'd left before she lay back against the pillows. For some reason she felt funny inside. She felt exposed, vulnerable. Her only secret, the only one thing that she had kept to herself, had been let out in the open. She supposed she should be grateful that Brittany hadn't spoken to her about it. Maybe she was waiting until she felt better.

"Hey, sweetheart,"

Santana looked up and smiled. Brittany walked into the room and came to sit beside her on the bed. She looked like she'd been crying but she was smiling too. Santana sat up as best she could and raised her eyebrows questioningly. Brittany said nothing, merely wrapped her arms around Santana and wept silently into the back of her shirt.

X

Mrs Pierce sat nervously by Santana's bed. She had no idea what this was about but it was still worrying her. Brittany had invited her along which was something she didn't do very often and told her that Santana had something to say. She'd thought of nothing else since. What could be so important?

Santana looked as nervous as she felt. Her bottom lip was trembling and her face was very pale. But she looked determined too. And if it would help Santana to do this discussion (whatever it was about) then she was willing to be part of it.

"Whenever you're ready, San," Brittany said sitting next to her mother and watching Santana carefully.

Santana took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Mrs Pierce counted fifteen seconds before she opened them again.

"I'm scared," She blurted.

Brittany's forehead creased and her eyebrows drew together as she frowned suggesting to Mrs Pierce that she was just as surprised by Santana's comment as she was. No-one said anything for a few seconds which was just enough time for Santana to turn bright red and look down like she was ashamed of herself.

"Why are you scared honey?" Mrs Pierce asked.

"I'm scared you'll get fed up of me. After a while," Santana said quietly.

Mrs Pierce almost scoffed but didn't think Santana would take kindly to that. She merely widened her eyes, looking to Brittany for support, hoping that she would be able to tell Santana that she wasn't that kind of person, that she wouldn't just get fed up of her.

"San, sweetheart," Brittany said getting up and sitting beside her. "None of us will ever get fed up of you, ever. We all love you so much, but I love you most,"

Santana nearly smiled but Mrs Pierce could see a battle raging behind her eyes. This would obviously take a lot of convincing. According to Brittany Santana had been promised things a dozen times over and people had messed her around. It would do a lot to her trust issues to have people let you down again and again.

"Brittany's right," Mrs Pierce said, a smile on her face. "We're here for you, Santana. And we're not going anywhere,"

Santana's eyes filled with tears and, even though she knew it would take time to tell if they were telling the truth, it still made her feel overwhelmed to hear them say it to her. Before Brittany could do anything Mrs Pierce came forward and wrapped her arms around the girl. Santana froze in her touch but she didn't relent, merely held her close and put into the hug things she could never express in words.

Santana could feel love and care in the hug but it was new to her. This hug felt like a mother's hug, a hug that came from the heart as only a mother's touch can. Santana hesitantly put her arms around the taller woman and leant her head against her shoulder. This time Mrs Pierce froze but she quickly regained herself. She tightened the embrace and kissed the top of Santana's head. Somehow, in this moment, Mrs Pierce vowed to never let anything or anyone hurt Santana again. Not as long as she was around.

X

Santana woke up in the middle of the night, her heart racing. Brittany wasn't there. She'd told her she couldn't stay that night but refused to say why. She looked sad, apologetic but there was a happiness in her eyes that Santana couldn't place.

She sat up slightly and glanced around. Tonight was her last night in this room. Tomorrow she'd be lying on the couch or maybe even Brittany's bed for Brittany would never let her go without. She couldn't take something of Brittany's though. It would selfish of her. Despite what Mrs Pierce had said earlier Santana couldn't help feeling that anything she did wrong would have a punishment at the end of it. And that scared her more than ever.

Santana took her crutches and used them to hoist herself to her feet. Without really thinking about what she was doing she began to make her way across the room, taking it slowly so she didn't attract any unwanted attention. When she entered the bathroom she closed the door behind her, a flush in her cheeks at the realisation that she'd made it all the way here on her own.

She stood in front of the mirror and observed her face. The cut above her eyebrow was almost gone but the nurses had warned she might have a scar. The bruises were faded now, a faint tinge being all that was left behind. She was looking nearly normal but she knew she was far from feeling normal.

A tear rolled down her cheek but she brushed it away impatiently. What was she crying for? She was leaving the hospital; she was going to live with _Brittany; _her parents were in jail for the time being. She should be feeling something other than this sadness. No matter what she said to herself though she knew she was lying. And you just couldn't lie to yourself.

**I am so, so, so, so sorry about how long it's taken me to update this. I honestly can't apologise enough. I was planning to write over the holidays but I got massive writer's block and I just didn't know how to write this chapter. Saying that I'm not happy with this chapter at all and I've written it out a million times over. After the holidays I just couldn't find the time because I'm trying to get all my college work in so that I can finish. I really hope it doesn't take me as long to update this next time.**

**Again, I'm really sorry. Please forgive me!**

**Read and review. **


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Sixteen**

Santana looked around nervously. She couldn't remember much of the house she was standing in but then, to be fair, she'd been pretty out of it last time she'd been here. The hallway was small. There were two doors; one leading into the kitchen and one leading into the living room.

The front door was currently open as Brittany and her mother were bringing a couple of bags in from the car and for a reason she couldn't quite place she felt uncomfortable. It was far too easy for someone to walk through that door that was uninvited. A sweat broke out over Santana's forehead and she stumbled slightly on her crutches. _Don't be stupid, _she thought cursing herself.

"Are you okay, San?"

Santana nearly fell over again as Brittany and her mother appeared from behind her. Her heart was pounding behind her rib cage and she had started to shake. Brittany put the bags by her feet and came forward. She then placed a hand on either side of Santana's face and leant closer to her so that their foreheads were touching.

"It's okay," She promised. "You're okay here,"

Santana looked into Brittany's eyes and nodded slightly. If she was safe here why did she feel so unsettled like something was going to jump out of the shadows? Her eyes darted from side to side, searching her surroundings but nothing out of the usual appeared. She looked back at Brittany who gave her a small smile, worry etched into her eyes.

"Do you want to come and sit down?" She asked.

Santana nodded gratefully and followed Brittany into the living room. It was how she remembered it. The couch she had spent the week on was still there. There was a coffee table directly in front of it and a flat-screen TV backed against the wall. Santana handed her crutches to Brittany then stood awkwardly, her hands fisting at her sides.

"You can sit down if you like," Brittany offered watching Santana carefully.

Santana blushed then sat down, using the arm of the couch to support herself. She sat straight, her hands now in her lap. Brittany sat down next to her, twisting her body so that she could see her better. Her face was pale and she had dark bags under her eyes. Brittany could still see the scar across her forehead and the bruises around her eyes but she knew these could fade in time.

"Do you want anything to drink, or eat?"

Santana shook her head, looking down. Brittany let a small breath escape her and stood up again. She took the blanket from the back of the couch and helped Santana lie down, using the cushions behind her to rest her head upon. Once Santana had assured her that she was fairly comfortable Brittany draped the blanket over her body and tucked it in around the edges like her mom did for her.

"I love you," She said, kissing Santana lightly on the forehead.

"I love you too," Santana said, her eyes closing despite her efforts to keep them open.

Brittany smiled and walked out of the room, pulling the door to but not closing it fully. Her mom was in the kitchen, a soapy dish in her hands. Brittany sat down at the table heavily and rubbed a hand over her face.

"Something getting you down?" Her mom asked her, turning around to see her properly.

"I'm okay," Brittany said softly, propping her head up on her hand. "I'm just a bit tired, that's all,"

"Brittany, I'm your mother," Mrs Pierce said rolling her eyes. "Because of this I know when you're unhappy."

She wiped her hands dry on the dishtowel then sat down opposite her daughter and waited for Brittany to speak.

"I'm just worried about Santana," Brittany admitted. Her mother nodded in understanding. "She's not all... There, you know? And nothing I do can make it any better,"

"I don't think there's anything you can do, Britt," Mrs Pierce said slowly. "I think what you are doing is enough for her anyway,"

"What is it I'm doing?" Brittany asked curiously.

"You're there for her," Mrs Pierce said simply. "Sometimes that's all anyone needs,"

"She's so unhappy," Brittany murmured.

"What do you think will make her feel better?"

Brittany shrugged half-heartedly and stood up. She'd had enough of this conversation. She'd tried everything under the sun to make Santana feel at least a little better and nothing seemed to be working. All she could do now was wait for Santana to start helping herself.

X

That night Brittany sat with Santana on the couch flicking through channels on the TV. There was nothing on but then again it was a Sunday night so what did they expect? Santana could only watch as Brittany sighed, the pictures on the TV blurring into one another as she skipped past them.

Mrs Pierce entered the room carrying a tray with two glasses of milk and a plate of cookies. Brittany smiled widely and took the tray from her, placing it on the coffee table in front of them.

"This always makes me feel better," She said, turning to Santana.

"I know it does," Santana said, smiling as best she could.

Brittany downed her milk in one and grabbed a cookie from the plate. She stood up, the cookie crumbling in her mouth and kissed Santana's cheek, earning a groan from the brunette.

"You've covered me in crumbs," Santana said, wiping herself down and frowning.

"I'm sorry," Brittany said instantly.

"Britt, I'm joking,"

"Oh," Was all Brittany could say, a small smile appearing on her face. "I'm just going to go take a shower, okay?"

A panic formed in Santana's chest and her eyes widened but she quickly replaced the look with a small smile.

"Yeah, sure,"

Brittany smiled one last time at her then left the room, her slim body swaying slightly as she danced her way upstairs. Santana watched her leave then turned back to face the living room alone. Without Brittany sat beside her she could feel an empty space. Part of her was filled with a need to scream and throw things around but that wouldn't be productive. Another part of her desperately needed to just be held.

She stood up and took her crutches from the armchair next to her where Brittany had put them. Then she looked around the room, wondering what on earth to do with herself whilst she waited for Brittany to come back. A picture across the room caught her eye. She limped over to it and picked it up.

In the picture Brittany was about ten years old. She was cuddling a squirming cat although Santana couldn't be sure if it was Lord Tubbington or not. This cat was much thinner than him. In the background though was a small child, a young boy. Santana hadn't been aware that Brittany had had a younger brother. Which hurt her and surprised her all at once.

"Santana?"

Santana spun around, the picture slipping out of her hands and falling to the floor. With a crash it landed and the glass from the frame shattered. Santana barely had time to think; she removed her crutches and got onto her knees as quickly as possible, ignoring the searing pain in her stomach. Her heart was pounding in her chest; she'd done it now.

"Santana, it's okay, I'll clear it up," Mrs Pierce said, coming forward quickly. "You're going to hurt yourself, you need to get up,"

When Santana saw Mrs Pierce coming towards her she cowered away from the woman, her hands automatically rising up to shield her face. Her whole body was shaking and she was in pain but that was nothing compared to what Mrs Pierce was bound to do to her.

Mrs Pierce stopped in her tracks, her hands outstretched in surrender. Surely Santana didn't think...

"Santana, sweetheart..." She murmured.

Santana didn't move. The soothing voice was doing nothing for her, any minute now she was going to get what she deserved for breaking their photo frame. What would Brittany think of her?

"Santana, it's just a picture frame, I can buy another one," Mrs Pierce tried again.

"Mum, what's going on?"

Mrs Pierce turned to the doorway in relief. Brittany was standing there, her hair still wrapped in a towel. She took one look at her mother then rushed forward to crouch down beside Santana, her hand reaching out slightly.

"San? It's okay, no-one's going to hurt you," Brittany promised. "It's just me and mom here,"

"Brittany..." Santana said quietly.

"Yeah, it's me, I'm here," Brittany said, relived that Santana was responding to her.

"I'm so sorry,"

"Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for," Brittany said, not even sure what had happened.

She glanced down and spotted the photo frame, the glass within it broken and scattered on the floor. She reached out and picked it up, placing it on the coffee table behind them. Now she knew what had set Santana off. The noise of the frame hitting the floor probably startled her, not to mention the fact that she'd broken it. Then to have her mom approach her, her hands outstretched as they were now was enough to trigger a response from the Latina.

"Santana, sweetheart, we need to get you up, okay? You're hurting yourself," Brittany said softly.

Santana slowly moved her shaking hands away from her face and looked at Brittany, fear in her eyes. The blonde smiled at her and stood up, hooking her hands under Santana's arms and lifting her up. Santana flinched and doubled over slightly but Brittany kept her hold on her firm and didn't let her fall.

"Would you like a bath or something?" Brittany asked. "I know you can't have a proper one yet, with your leg and everything, but I can help you,"

Santana nodded slightly, her heart stuttering and allowed Brittany to lead her out of the room. Mrs Pierce watched them go, sadness written all over her face then walked forward and began to pick up the little pieces of glass.

It took a long time to get Santana to the bathroom. The stairs were most difficult for her but she managed to use the banister and Brittany's body to support her. Brittany sat her down on the closed toilet lid then started the tap running in the sink. When the water was warm and not too hot that it would burn her Brittany knelt down in front of her and took her hands.

"If this gets too hard for you tell me and I'll stop," She said gently.

Santana nodded again, her eyes emotionless and took to staring at the wall opposite her. Brittany was thrown back to the time at the hospital when Santana had completely switched off. It scared her.

She placed the wash cloth in the water and let it soak as she slowly pulled Santana's t-shirt over her head. Brittany could still see the scars littering Santana's body but she didn't say anything. The bruises were pretty much gone but she knew the scars would take a lot longer. Especially the internal ones. Then she removed the wash cloth and gently began to wash the brunette's face; around her eyes, her nose, her cheekbones, her forehead. Santana closed her eyes, the water cooling on her face and tried to relax. Brittany wouldn't hurt her. Brittany was her friend, her rock, her soul mate. Despite repeating this to herself over and over however she couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't Brittany touching her. It was someone else.

"Are you okay?" Brittany asked.

Santana nodded without opening her eyes and waited for Brittany to carry on. But when Brittany tried to ease her sweatpants down her legs she panicked.

"Stop, please," She said desperately, shoving Brittany away from her.

Brittany fell backwards, landing on her outstretched hands to break her fall. A hurt look crossed her face but she quickly removed it, not wanting to upset Santana any further. The Latina was looking at her hands as if she didn't know what they were doing there and her breathing was becoming erratic.

"Brittany... I... I'm so sorry," She choked out.

"Santana, baby, it's okay," Brittany said, sitting back up and placing a hand on each of Santana's thighs. "I'm fine, it's fine. Just take deep breaths, okay?"

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do it, I'm so sorry," Santana sobbed, covering her face with her hands.

"Hey, come on," Brittany said quietly wrapping her arms around her. "It's okay, I'll stop now,"

Brittany continued to repeat her soothing words for another twenty minutes before Santana stopped crying. Eventually the fight dropped out of her and she leant further into Brittany, her exhaustion getting the better of her. Brittany rubbed her back gently, singing any song that came to mind, trying her best to rid Santana of the memories she was experiencing.

"Where did you go, huh?" Brittany murmured into her ear.

Santana didn't respond. She let her eyes close and wrung her hands together subconsciously to stop them from shaking. She couldn't tell Brittany where her mind had taken her. Brittany finding out would destroy her. And she couldn't have that. She took a deep shuddering breath and sat back. Brittany was looking at her with worry again. The pain in her eyes was too much to bear at times like this, especially when Santana knew the reason behind it was her.

Brittany caressed her face gently, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Are you feeling better now?" She asked with a sympathetic smile.

Santana nodded and rubbed her eyes, suddenly feeling extremely tired.

"Come on, let's get you into bed," Brittany said standing up and handing Santana a pyjama top from her own drawer.

Santana put it on then accepted Brittany's hand and stood up. Brittany led the way to the guest room, Santana following close behind. She wasn't expecting much from it, just a bed and a lamp maybe. When Brittany opened the door and let her through however Santana had to stop to process what she was seeing.

The room was an exact replica of her own room at home. The walls were dark purple with curtains to match. There was a double bed backed up against the far wall with the same coloured bed sheets as the walls. A throw was tucked at the bottom and there were a number of fluffy cushions positioned at the top. Next to the bed was a bedside table on which stood a lamp, an alarm clock and a small leather book. On the opposite wall was a desk with her stuff from school on it. A dressing table was tilted slightly in the corner. What got Santana most though was the display on the wall above her desk. Surrounding the mirror were pictures. Pictures of her and Brittany. Santana moved closer and looked at each and every one of them, an odd stifling feeling in her chest. There were ones of them at school, ones of them at home, ones of them at various competitions.

"I know it's not perfect," Brittany said from behind her. "But we really wanted you to be comfortable here,"

Santana couldn't speak. Brittany had taken the one place she'd ever felt safe in her life and brought it to her within a matter of weeks. There were no words that could possibly explain to Brittany just how much this meant to her. She turned around and looked at Brittany, surprised to see her looking more nervous than she'd looked before.

"Brittany, it is perfect,"

X

Santana sat down on the edge of her bed and looked around the room one last time. It was more than she could ever have hoped for in her life and besides Brittany it was the best thing she had. The sheets were cool beneath her and they were obviously new as they make a crinkling sound when she moved.

Brittany had pointed out the lock on the door, stating that she shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty if she ever felt the need to lock it. Even Mrs Pierce had popped her head in not ten minutes ago to talk to her and assure her that she was safe here and that the lock was merely something to help her feel that way.

Santana slowly reached out and took the leather book she'd seen earlier from the bedside table. It felt nice to touch, soft and smooth. A small lock was keeping it from being opened easily so she picked up the tiny key she hadn't noticed before and unlocked it. She opened up to the first page and smiled at the message Brittany had left her.

**San,**

**I know you struggle talking about your feelings so I thought maybe you could write down how you feel in here. It could be a thing that's just for you. No-one else will be able to look inside because I got you one that had a lock on and you can keep the key somewhere secret. Please don't feel that I'm making you write in here, obviously you just write when you need to, or when you want to. And always, always remember that I'm here if you need to talk. You could always write something in here if you'd rather say it to me that way. Whatever way's best for you baby; I only want you to be happy.**

**I love you forever**

**Brittany**

Santana closed the book and placed it back on the table next to her cell phone the police had given her. Due to her own request Brittany had also put her number on the speed dial just in case Santana needed her. Santana had to admit it made her feel a bit safer, knowing that pressing 1 or 2 would dial either the police or Brittany and they'd be with her within minutes.

Santana used the bedside table to lift herself up and then leant on it as she pulled back the sheets and climbed in. The bed was incredibly comfortable. Her mind drifted back to her bed at home as she lay there. It'd had a pillow and a thin sheet which she was grateful for but the mattress had been hard as rock and had made it harder falling asleep. She guessed her bedroom was sectioned off or something at the moment. She clutched at her chest as thoughts of home crossed her mind.

Stop thinking about it, she cursed herself.

A soft knock at the door knocked her out of reverie. She looked up as Brittany entered the room, smiling when she saw Santana in bed.

"Hey, I just wanted to see that... Well, that you were okay,"

"I'm okay," Santana said, smiling as best as she could.

Brittany sat down on the edge of the bed and gently touched Santana's face.

"I'm really sorry about earlier," Santana said quietly.

"Sweetie, it's okay," Brittany assured her. "I totally get why you did it,"

"You do?" Santana asked, her eyes widening in fear.

"You're just scared, San,"

Santana allowed herself to breathe then agreed with Brittany, not really understanding what she was nodding about.

"Are you gonna be okay tonight?" Brittany asked her suddenly. "I could sleep in here with you, seeing as though it's your first night,"

"I'd like that," Santana said, smiling for the second time that night.

X

Santana woke up abruptly, her body drenched in sweat. Her head was pounding and she was aching. Due to the connection the two seemed to have Brittany was sat up in seconds, her hands on Santana's shoulders.

"Are you okay?" She asked searching her face for clues.

"Yeah, sorry, bad dream," Santana said lifting herself up and leaning against the headboard heavily.

"What was it about?" Brittany asked hesitantly.

Santana looked at her, their eyes connecting. She so desperately wanted to talk about them with _someone _and Brittany was ideal but she was worried enough as it was. Adding to that wouldn't make anything any better. She shook her head slightly and took to looking forward again. Brittany sighed and grabbed Santana's hand, rubbing her knuckles with her thumb.

"You don't have to tell me anything," Brittany said. "Maybe you could write them down? I sometimes find writing my feelings down helps,"

Santana nodded and turned towards the book. Was it worth the risk? She'd have to write something else for the time being just to see if what she was writing was really being kept secret. Because it was important for no-one to find out. Especially not Brittany.

**Hey guys. Once again I can't apologise enough for the time it has taken me to update this. Recently I've had awful writer's block and haven't been able to just sit down and write this. I'm not too happy with the start of this chapter and I hope I don't disappoint all of you as much as I've disappointed myself with this. I've started writing the next chapter so I really hope it doesn't take me as long next time. Thank you for sticking with me through this. Please read and review!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Two months later**

Santana walked into her bedroom and shut the door behind her, pushing the lock into place. Then she threw herself onto her bed and stared at the ceiling, perhaps hoping that somehow it held answers for her. The last couple of months had been... difficult. She laughed slightly to herself; difficult was an understatement. A shake went through her and she closed her eyes, grinding her teeth together in an effort to stop the tremors but it did nothing to help. She knew what would help.

She fisted her hands together and rolled over so that she was lying on her side. Today itself had been hard. Being back at school again did nothing for her mood; in fact, she found it worsened being there. Her first day back had been about a month ago. The Glee club had been delighted to see her walking down the corridor, Brittany holding her hand all the way but the rest of the school had stared at her like she was some kind of freak show. Rumours were that Jacob had overheard a conversation between Sam and Mercedes about her and had leaked it online. She didn't know how much they knew and she didn't want to but trying to make herself feel comfortable in the environment wasn't working with all the looks she received.

Mr Schue had welcomed her back to Glee club with open arms but she still refused to sing. The memory of her parents finding out still stood in her mind, forever entering her thoughts whenever she found herself opening her mouth to _try. _Her counsellor, whom she still saw once a week, had begun encouraging her to sing by herself, maybe in the shower or in her room when no-one was home. But she was even finding t_hat _hard, terrified of the possibility that her parents would start pounding on the door and tell her to shut up.

Their trial was a month away now. Santana pulled her arms across her chest and closed her eyes, burying her face into the pillow. It hadn't seemed that long ago that they'd been refused bail but now she was a few weeks away from facing them and telling a whole room of strangers what they'd done to her. Brittany had promised her that, as soon as her part was over where she'd give a witness statement, she'd sit in the family and friends box, right behind Santana and be a constant support for her. The thought made Santana feel a little less afraid but the hard part would be watching them enter the room with their lawyers which she would have to do alone.

Although, her own lawyer would be there, and he was nice enough. He'd gone over and over what happened to her and for how long and had scraped every little detail she could give him from inside. He'd even given her the questions he would be asking her so she was more prepared. Santana had to admit, knowing what was coming made it slightly easier and knowing what she had to say pretty much off by heart meant that it sounded as if she was reading from a script but actually doing it in front of her parents terrified her.

Kurt had also been interviewed countless times. He'd told her he didn't mind in the slightest but Santana could see he was nervous. He also looked tired, almost as if the thought of standing up in front of people was preventing him from sleeping. Blaine had also confessed to Brittany without knowing Santana could hear that Kurt wasn't eating much either, purely because he was so scared.

Santana didn't blame him for feeling scared. She felt scared too. She just wished he'd talk to her about it instead of lying to her and saying everything was fine. Now that she thought about it though it sounded just like what she kept saying to Brittany.

Santana couldn't fault the efforts Brittany was making with her. In all honestly it worried her, the amount of energy Brittany must use just to make sure she was all right. Despite Brittany insisting that she wouldn't have it any other way Santana could tell that she was getting fed up. And why wouldn't she? She was hard to be with, let alone live with.

Santana liked living with Brittany. Her mom tried her best to make her feel as comfortable as possible and she'd even started sitting down without being asked. Although the Pierce's saw this as progress Santana saw it as having no energy to even wait around anymore. Some days she could barely stand but she knew what Brittany would blame that on.

Santana sighed and sat up, rubbing her tired eyes and glancing at the clock. Brittany was at dance class and she knew Mrs Pierce was downstairs because she'd heard her laughing at something on the TV. She quietly stood up and unlocked her door before stepping into the hallway and making her way down the stairs. The living room door was slightly ajar so Santana poked her head in discreetly. Mrs Pierce was still sitting on the couch, the TV still playing.

Without making a sound Santana grabbed her coat and slipped out of the house.

X

Brittany pulled her coat on and slipped her bag over her shoulder. Her legs were aching so much that she felt sure they were going to fall off but she knew her mom had some cream at home that she could rub into them to make them feel a bit better. She yawned widely, her hand over her mouth, and waited for Kurt for pick up his bag and walk over to her.

"You look like hell," He said bluntly, letting her leave the classroom first then slipping into place beside her.

"Thank you," Brittany said sarcastically.

"I don't mean it like that," He smiled. "I just mean you look tired, that's all,"

"I am tired," Brittany admitted.

Santana was still having nightmares, though they weren't as frequent as they used to be. Sometimes she'd lock the door before she went to bed and Brittany wouldn't be able to get in unless she shouted loud enough to get Santana to hear her. She still didn't know what the dreams were about. Santana wouldn't really speak to her about anything anymore. Sure, they'd discuss the trial but anytime Brittany went in too deep Santana would shut off or change the subject.

"Is she still having those dreams?" Kurt asked as they left the building.

"Yeah," Brittany replied sadly.

Kurt sighed and looked down at his feet as they stood on the sidewalk. Truthfully he didn't know what to say. And thinking that made him guilty because he wasn't the one dealing with it. He knew that if it had happened to Blaine he would have no hesitation in doing whatever he could for him but he knew Brittany was doing that and he guessed that made it all the harder.

"How about I come and see her tomorrow?" Kurt asked, shielding his eyes against the sunlight.

"You can if you want, Kurt," Brittany said slowly. "But prepare yourself,"

"Ah, princess," Kurt said, staring out across the cars that were shooting past them. "Don't you worry,"

X

Brittany sat at the dining room table alone that night. The clock read 2.30 but she knew it could be much later than that when Santana came home. Her eyes were heavy with exhaustion but she couldn't go to sleep until she knew Santana was safe in her bedroom, asleep. She didn't have to wait for much longer.

The front door opened and Santana stumbled in. Her hair was a mess, her face was pale, her hands were shaking. Brittany watched her shut the door then walked towards her, her arms folded across her chest. Santana smiled at her when she saw her and threw her arms around the blonde's neck. Brittany could smell alcohol all over her but she put her arms around her anyway and guided her upstairs.

"What are you still doing up?" Santana asked her as she clumsily walked across the room and pulled a pair of pyjamas out of her drawer.

"I was waiting for you," Brittany said softly shutting the door quietly and turning back around to face her.

"You didn't have to do that," Santana mumbled pulling her shirt over her head and getting her arms tangled.

"Let me help you," Brittany said stepping forward and grabbing Santana's arm.

"Don't touch me!" Santana shouted, letting the top fall back down.

Brittany looked away and let her hands fall limply by her sides. She was hurt, her heart pounding in her chest at the knowing that she couldn't just walk away from this, that Santana was drunk and that was why she was behaving like this.

"You know I don't like it when you touch me," Santana said, backing into the wall behind her, a look of fear on her face. "I tell you no and you still do it,"

"I'm sorry, Santana," Brittany said quietly. "I was just trying to help,"

"I don't need help!" Santana said in exasperation. "I'm absolutely fine!"

"You're not fine, sweetheart," Brittany said, her voice still soft.

"How am I not fine, huh?" Santana demanded.

Brittany took a deep breath and sat on the edge of the bed.

"You still have bad dreams in the night that make you cry. You've started drinking all the time to block out the pain you're feeling inside. I mean, it must be harder for you because you won't tell anyone what's going on in your head so you're bottling it up and that always hurts. You don't eat much and when you do it's just little bits every now and then. Sometimes I hear you crying in the bathroom when you think you're on your own and it breaks my heart because I know there's nothing I can do to help you,"

A tear rolled down Santana's cheek as Brittany spoke, the truth of her words eating away at her. Brittany stood in front of her and slowly put her hands on each of Santana's arms, rubbing up and down comfortingly.

"Please let me help you," Brittany murmured. "You can't do this on your own,"

Santana choked back a sob and sunk down the wall until she was sitting on her floor. She clutched her pyjamas to her chest but said nothing as the tears slid endlessly down her cheeks. Brittany sat next to her and put her arm around her shoulders, resting her head on top of Santana's.

"I just... I can't do this anymore, Britt," Santana sobbed.

"What can't you do anymore?" Brittany asked her.

"I don't want to be here,"

Brittany's heart stilled and she tightened her grip on the Latina, pulling her as close as possible to her.

"Don't say that, San," She said quietly. "Please don't say that,"

"It's too hard," Santana choked out. "I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't _live,_"

"Santana, you can't let them win. If you give up they're going to know they've got to you," Brittany said. "You have to stay strong,"

"I'm not strong, Brittany," Santana sniffed.

"I went to school once with this most amazing girl," Brittany said, staring at the wall opposite her. "You could tell there was something wrong but she was always smiling. Sometimes she was hurt. She'd have a black eye, or a sore leg, or something like that. But she used to brush it off like it was nothing and carry on like normal. And one day something bad happened but she found the strength to get through it and she's still here today. Things are still really hard for her right now but after seeing her defeat everything else I think she can defeat this too. You're the bravest, strongest, kindest, most beautiful girl I've ever met, Santana. And if anyone is going to get through this, it's you,"

Santana couldn't speak. She turned to look up at Brittany who smiled at her and then she buried her face into Brittany's chest, clutching at her shirt in desperation.

"Thank you," She whispered.

"You don't have to thank me, silly," She said, laughing. "I'm here for you, okay? And we will get through this, together,"

They sat in silence, watching the minutes go by, listening to each other's heart beat to count the seconds. Santana could still feel the effects of the alcohol in her system but sitting here, with Brittany, was calming her down to a reasonable level. She had no idea why she did what she did next.

"It's killing me, Brittany," She said her voice breaking.

"What is?"

"This... This secret,"

"I won't push you into telling me but you know I'm always here for you," Brittany said. "Nothing you say will make me feel any differently about you,"

"Nothing?" Santana asked.

"Nothing at all," Brittany confirmed, slightly worried now.

"My dad... He..." Santana closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her hands were shaking so Brittany reached out and placed her hand over them, squeezing gently to offer comfort and encouragement. "He would... Sometimes he'd..."

"Santana, you don't have to do this," Brittany insisted.

"He would... He would touch me," Santana forced out.

The silence that followed was one of the longest silences Santana had ever heard. She couldn't make herself look up to see Brittany's face, knowing that all she'd see was disgust and hatred. She pulled away and buried her face in her knees, wrapping her arms around her legs and hating herself for ever letting it out.

Brittany didn't even flinch when Santana moved. She was beyond shocked. It went much further than that. Part of her felt _furious, _but she knew that wasn't the emotion Santana needed right now. It all made sense to her now; the nightmares, the fears of being touched. The way she'd shoved Brittany away after she'd tried to undress her, the flinching when anyone came too close, the need for the lock on the door at night in case someone came in. Bile rose in Brittany's throat but she swallowed it, needing now to focus on Santana.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you," Santana said, her voice muffled by her trousers. "I know I'm disgusting, I know I'm a freak. I'm so sorry Brittany,"

"Baby, what are you sorry for?" Brittany asked her, her own voice breaking.

"I shouldn't have let it happen, I know I shouldn't. I tried so hard but it made it worse," Santana sobbed.

"Santana..." Brittany said weakly. "I'm not mad with you, not at all, it wasn't your fault,"

Santana looked up, her face pale and tear stained. A tear plunged down Brittany's cheek at the secret she'd been hiding for so long and the look of pure defeat and hatred on her face. She gently caressed the side of Santana's face and smiled at her through her tears.

"Thank you so much for telling me," She murmured.

"Do you not... hate me?" Santana asked worryingly.

"Oh, sweetie," Brittany said. "I could never hate you, you're my world,"

Santana collapsed into Brittany's arms and wrapped her arms around the blonde, sobbing into the front of her shirt.

"I'm never going to let anyone touch you again, okay?" Brittany promised her. "We're going to get you through this,"

X

Santana woke up the next morning with a pounding in her head. She groaned and forced herself to lie on her back, hating how opening her eyes made her feel like she was dragging her eye balls over sandpaper. A roll of nausea swept over her and she jumped out of bed, just getting to the bathroom in time.

She weakly leant against the bathtub and closed her eyes, her arm draped across her stomach, wishing with everything in her that she hadn't met up with Puck last night and got wasted. A knock on the door had her opening her eyes and glancing up to see who it was. Brittany walked in holding a glass of water and some paracetamal in her hands.

She sat down next to Santana without a word and handed them to her. Santana gratefully swallowed them and put the glass by her feet, hoping that they'd kick in soon.

"How are you feeling?" Brittany asked.

"Lousy," Santana muttered.

"I bet you are," Brittany said, a smile on her face.

"I don't really remember much of last night," Santana admitted.

"You don't?" Brittany looked down at her lap, feeling somewhat disheartened but she'd been stupid to think Santana would remember anything anyway.

"I remember leaving the house," Santana said slowly. "And meeting Puck but not much after that,"

Brittany was about to speak but Santana then sat bolt upright and that was when she realised the full extent of what had really happened last night. Every word she'd spoken was replaying in her mind like a song on repeat, she'd actually done it, she'd told Brittany her secret.

"Santana?" Brittany asked nervously.

"I told you didn't I?" Santana said.

"Yeah, honey, you did," Brittany said slowly.

"Wow," Santana whispered.

"How does that make you feel?"

Santana thought for a moment. She could remember the words Brittany had spoken to her last night and they helped with the panic she was feeling. But mostly she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She'd finally told someone.

"You know, telling someone is the first step to recovery," Brittany said. When Santana looked at her she added "That's what my mom said anyway,"

"How do you feel about what I told you?" Santana asked hesitantly.

"I'm really glad you told me," Brittany said thoughtfully. "And I'm really proud of you too. It must have been so hard to keep that to yourself for so long,"

"It was," Santana agreed.

"But I think you need to tell your counsellor too," Brittany suggested.

Santana froze.

"Why?"

"Because... now don't go off the handle at me, okay?" Brittany told her. "But I can only help you so much. I think you need to talk about this with her and see what she can offer you. I'm always here for you, you know that, but I don't think any of this is something we can do on our own,"

"No, I... I understand," Santana said softly.

"I'm so proud of you, Santana and I know things are so hard so maybe talking to your counsellor will help to ease your mind a little. And you can always come home and talk to me too,"

"Okay," She said. "Okay,"

Brittany pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head lovingly. Santana telling her had opened them both up somehow but she knew it was far from over. Santana was still suffering, especially mentally and Brittany wasn't sure how much more the two of them could take.

X

"Well, Santana, I'm so glad you came today," The counsellor said, watching the girl opposite her carefully.

"I'm sorry I didn't come last week," She said. "I was... out,"

"That's good, who were you about with?" She asked.

"Just a friend from school," Santana said dismissively.

"Did you do anything nice?"

Santana thought back. She'd been with Puck again. They'd got drunk again. She'd come home to find Brittany waiting again. She'd thrown up again and had an awful hangover.

"Not really," She replied honestly.

"That's a shame," The counsellor said slowly. "Why not?"

"I don't know, we just didn't,"

The counsellor sensed a change in the air so she changed the subject quickly, knowing from the phone call from Brittany that Santana had something to tell her today.

"How are you feeling today?" She tried.

"I'm incredibly nervous," Santana admitted.

The counsellor could see that. She wouldn't make eye contact and her hands were forced in between her legs.

"Why are you nervous, Santana?"

"I have something I really need to talk about," Santana started. "I got really pissed a couple of nights ago and I blurted something out to Brittany and she thinks I need to talk to you about it,"

The counsellor sat back in her chair and waited patiently for Santana to speak. She was obviously finding it hard. She kept taking deep breaths and opening her mouth as if it was on the tip of her tongue but she couldn't get it out.

"Would you prefer to write it down?" The counsellor asked.

"It's okay, I can say it," Santana said, nodding as if to convince herself. "My dad... He, he would touch me, sometimes,"

The counsellor continued to watch her, waiting to see if she had anything else to say on the subject.

"I have these dreams about it, all the time," Santana said her voice breaking. "And they won't go away, no matter how hard I try,"

"What happens in the dreams?" She asked gently.

"It's like going through it all over again,"

"You said you've spoken to Brittany about it," The counsellor said. "What did she say?"

"She was so lovely about it," Santana said quietly. "But I think, inside, it repulses her,"

"Why would it repulse her?"

"Because I'm dirty," Santana said furiously. "I let him do it, I could have stopped him but I didn't,"

"Santana, what happened wasn't your fault, at all," The counsellor stressed. "You can't blame yourself for any of it,"

Santana bent forward at the waist, a couple of tears falling from her closed eyelids. The counsellor watched her sympathetically, knowing what she had to do but not sure how to approach it.

"Santana, I'm going to have to tell the police what you've told me"

Santana looked up quickly, her face panicked.

"What? What do you mean?" She asked frantically.

"This isn't information I can keep to myself, especially when your parents are on trial anyway,"

"No, please, you can't!" Santana begged, standing up. "I trusted you!"

"I'm sorry Santana but it's my legal responsibility,"

"I thought you said what I told you was safe in here,"

"What you've just told me isn't something I can keep to myself," The counsellor said reasonably.

"I trusted you," Santana said slowly before screaming, "I trusted you!"

The counsellor watched as Santana ran from the room and sighed. Sometimes she really hated her job.

Santana ran down the stairs of the building and through the reception area. She kept running until she reached the park where Puck usually stashed his alcohol. He wasn't there when she arrived but that didn't really bother her right now. She dug up the three remaining bottles of alcohol and stuck two of them in her pocket. Then she opened the third one and took a long drink from it, a wave of relief washing through her.

With the bottle still in her hand she started walking. And she didn't look back.

**Thank you so much for the support and reviews I got from the last chapter! I am still amazed at the response I've got to this story and want to thank everyone who have reviewed, favourited and followed this story! I hope this chapter was okay, I'm a bit worried about the response I'll get from it. It felt different writing it than the other chapters have felt but I hope it's okay.**

**This update will be the last one for a month**** I'm really sorry but I'm going on holiday on Saturday for three weeks so I won't be able to update. I will continue to write during my holiday however so I can update as soon as I get back! I hope to see you all soon and thank you again for the continued support! Please review.**


	19. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

I'm sorry for those of you who thought this was an update but I felt this was needed.

I was incredibly saddened over my holiday to hear of the death of Cory Monteith. As a huge Glee fan most of the characters and cast who play them are very close to my heart in a number of ways and both Finn and Cory touched me. I knew Cory was suffering his addiction and I felt for him for I know how hard an addiction can be to get out of. I've read from people how it's his fault and the comments some people have made about it are disgusting. Yes, he made a choice and yes, it was a bad one but to me he was struggling and he used that to help him fight his demons. Once he got addicted I can imagine how hard it must have been for him to even try and get out of it. Credit is due to him for accepting he had a problem and trying to rid himself of it but unfortunately he couldn't do that and here we are.

I can't possibly imagine the pain Lea Michelle is going through right now and most of my thoughts are with her. I hope she one day finds the strength to keep going and can remember him with a smile on her face. They were a beautiful couple, both onscreen and off, and neither of them deserved this. The rest of my thoughts are with his family and the Glee cast who are also struggling to come to terms with the death of their friend. Grief is a strange thing for you never really understand it and it can present itself in many different ways in people. But one thing about grief is, despite it never really going away, it does get easier eventually and I hope all of them hold on.

Cory Monteith was a lovely person who touched the hearts of many people and he will be missed. I hope he's okay, wherever he is, and resting in peace. Heaven gained another angel that day.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Nineteen**

Brittany tapped her fingers nervously against the dining room table. The room had been silent until she'd returned home and now all she could hear was her fingertips hitting the wood. She felt sure it would be something that bothered people but, for now, she was on her own and she just didn't care.

The clock indicated that she'd only been home for ten minutes and she hadn't done anything that she'd intended. She sighed and discontinued the tapping, pressing her palms into her eyes. She'd been searching for Santana all afternoon. Since the counsellor had called to ask her if Santana had returned home safe she'd done nothing but walk, calling her girlfriend's name and looking in every place she could think of. She took comfort in the fact that, whilst she was here, doing whatever it was she was supposed to be doing, Kurt was still out there.

Brittany's head shot up when the door opened but she was strongly disappointed when she watched her mom walk into the room, a couple of shopping bags in her hands. She raised her eyebrows questioningly but Brittany could only shake her head sadly and lean against the back of one of the chairs.

Her mom smiled sympathetically and made her way into the kitchen. Brittany followed her, unable to smile back in any way, and watched as she began to put away the shopping.

"Brittany, darling, stop worrying so much," Her mom said after five minutes of hearing her daughter sigh and sniff.

"I can't help it," Brittany said, shrugging simply. She hadn't informed her mom of what Santana had told her. She felt it wasn't something she could share; that was up to Santana.

"Look, I promise you that we'll find Santana," Her mom said confidently.

"And what makes you so sure?" Brittany asked her, frowning at her knowing.

"Because girls like Santana always find their way home,"

X

She tripped again and stumbled forward but this time managed to stay on her feet. Her last bottle of vodka was swinging from her hand and she was incredibly unsteady. She couldn't see much in front of her, her vision was blurry, but she knew she was surrounded by trees although this did nothing in helping her tired mind figure out where she was.

When the first drop of rain hit her face she squinted and glanced up. The sky seemed so far away from down here; she'd never felt so small. The next drops of rain felt hard and cold against her skin and she wrapped her arms around her chest to stop herself from shivering. That was when the bottle hit her hip. She stopped walking and lifted it up, placing it directly in front of her face. She was so dizzy she could see more than one bottle in front of her and she tilted it to her mouth.

"What..." She murmured, confused by the lack of alcohol in her mouth.

She couldn't have drunk all three bottles already. It had only been a minute. Now that she thought about it though she had no idea what the time was. She pushed her wrist up in front of her face but saw no watch there and suddenly remembered that she didn't wear a watch. She laughed quietly to herself and let her arm fall by her side, continuing to walk forward despite having no idea where she was headed.

When she remembered that her vodka was gone her heart started to flutter. Why hadn't she been more careful? Why hadn't she thought 'oh hey, you need this to last so don't drink so fast'? Because she was an idiot, that was why. She looked around frantically, the trees spinning along with her head. There was definitely no alcohol around here and even if there was she wouldn't be able to find it.

"No... No, please," She mumbled, stumbling forward again, this time falling flat on her face.

She heard the bottle break as it hit the ground but the sound didn't register with her for a while. She didn't move an inch, preferring to lie on the cold ground, broken twigs and leaves pressing into her cheek. The rain was still going, cooling her warm face but she was numb below the shoulders and couldn't feel much of anything else.

She felt she must have fallen asleep for when she opened her eyes it was pitch black and she couldn't see a thing. Inside, she was panicking, but a small voice in her head told her to keep still and wait until her eyes adjusted to the dark. Some trees came into view after a few minutes but she was still too scared to move. Her whole body was stiff and a headache was growing behind her eyes.

After several more minutes of lying as still as possible she decided to sit up. Her body screamed in protest but she managed to use her hands and knees to crawl to a tree and lean her back against it, breathing heavily. She looked down after a few seconds, noticing that her hand was clenched around something. The vodka bottle was still there, although it was sharp now as the bottom had smashed.

Something inside of her seemed to switch then and she twisted her neck, closing her eyes as she did so. Without looking at what she was doing she pressed the bottom of the bottle into her arm and twisted. She knew when her skin broke because she could feel something release inside of her, almost as if someone had held her and promised her everything would be okay.

When these words entered her mind she thought of Brittany and the bottle stilled in her hand. She wanted her; she _needed _her, and the realisation hit her so hard that she bent over at the stomach and began to sob, pressing her face into her knees. This person she'd become, this person she could feel taking over her body, her mind, her control, was someone she did not want to be; not anymore. Anger surged through her and she screamed into her legs.

Her parents were responsible for this; her parents had done this to her. She couldn't remember a time before where she'd ever felt a hatred so strong but as she sat, sobbing, she knew she never wanted to feel it again. She pressed the bottle back into her arm and twisted it even more, the blood dripping down her wrist and staining her shirt.

"Brittany," She cried, her voice echoing through the trees.

She vowed, if she came out of this, if she was found, if she got home, that she'd love Brittany with everything in her and become someone whom she wanted to be; not someone who had been forced to behave a certain way because of someone else. The pain in her arm was evident but she liked it; it was giving her a control she hadn't had for weeks. She switched hands and pressed the bottle against her other arm, breaths leaving her body in ragged gasps.

"Please," She murmured. "Please,"

X

Brittany hadn't slept all night. She'd stayed in the dining room, her hands wrapped around mug after mug of coffee. Her eyes were practically closing on her every few minutes but she wouldn't go to sleep; not until Santana was found. This was how her mom found her, hours later; sitting like a zombie, her eyes focused on the clock.

"Brittany, please tell me you haven't been up all night," She said, sitting down across from her and peeling her hands away from the cold mug in front of her.

"I haven't been up all night," Brittany replied monotonously.

"You can't do this, Britt," Her mom said worriedly. "You don't want to make yourself ill too,"

"I really couldn't care less what happens to me," Brittany said, in the same emotionless voice as before. "Until Santana is fine then I won't be complete anyway,"

Her mom sighed and glanced down at their intertwined hands. She could remember holding these hands from the moment Brittany was born, right from the very first time she'd held her and Brittany had clutched at her finger, calming down in an instant. She knew she'd continue to hold them until the day she died and she wasn't going to stop now.

"How about I make us some more coffee and then we'll both get dressed and go and look for her?"

For the first time Brittany looked at her mom, her eyes now glassy. Seeing what was about to happen Mrs Pierce stood up and wrapped her arms around Brittany's shoulders which had begun to shake with cries.

"I know, I know," She soothed.

X

Kurt hadn't slept all night. He watched the seconds tick by on the clock by his bed and only glanced up when he heard his dad moving around in the bathroom across from him. He hadn't really been focusing on the actual time; he'd been more interested in the fact that it was moving at all.

He sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed. Now his dad was awake he could get up too, perhaps pretending that he'd slept till around six and hadn't been able to sleep much after that. He made his way downstairs and stood awkwardly in the kitchen, his hands stuffed deep into his jeans pockets.

Ever since Brittany had called and asked him for his help he hadn't done anything but think of Santana and where she could be. As Brittany knew more about her than he did she was delegated the task of revisiting Santana's favourite haunts. He, however, had just started walking in one direction and carried on that way, sometimes turning left or right, being totally random in his searching. His dad knew about what he'd been doing; he was too much of a worrier to not tell his dad where he was going all the time. Even now he was only hanging around so that he could tell his dad he was going out again.

"Hey, kid," His dad said, appearing in front of him and assessing his face. "Not sleep much, huh?"

"Not really," Kurt admitted despite his earlier thoughts. "I was just going to head out again,"

Burt paused in the act of making himself a drink and turned to face his son. He knew this was important to him, finding Santana safe, but if he wasn't careful then he'd lose himself too and neither of them could take that again.

"Look, I'm not gonna tell you to stay here and do nothing but I do want you to be careful,"

"I will be careful, dad, I promise," Kurt insisted, looking up for the first time and hoping his face showed the truth.

"I know you will," Burt sighed. "But sometimes things happen that we can't control, so just, be aware,"

Kurt nodded and turned towards the front door, making his way their slowly so that his dad could stop him if he wanted to. He didn't say a word, however, so Kurt quickly opened the door and let himself outside. It was chilly out and he could tell it'd been raining because the ground was wet and if he looked closely enough he could just about see tiny drops falling from petals.

He went in a different direction today, walking instead towards the park. It had been one of his favourite places as a kid and he'd even taken Blaine there on a date once. He smiled when he thought of Blaine but thinking of Blaine made him think of Brittany and then Santana and then smile had faded. He was just praying to a God he didn't believe in that she was okay. He didn't know what Brittany would do if she wasn't.

When he reached the park he spotted Puck sitting down on a bench he himself used to occupy after a particularly hard day. Puck looked pissed off and his hands were twisting by his knees. He looked up when Kurt inched closer but didn't speak.

"Hey," Kurt said softly, glancing around the park but not spotting Santana.

Puck only nodded his answer.

"What's the matter?" He asked, trying again to start a conversation.

"All of my booze is gone," Puck burst out in frustration. "Do you know how long it took me to get alcohol like that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that that alcohol was some strong shit, not just something you buy in a shop like a good boy,"

Kurt frowned but right now he had more important things on his mind.

"Well, I have to go, I'm looking for Santana," He said, making to leave. "You haven't happened to see her anywhere, have you?"

Puck shook his head, his foot tapping against the ground and then his whole body froze.

"I bet she took it," He said, so angry that he was practically whispering.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked him.

"She knew where it was!"

"You're not making any sense, Puck," Kurt said in exasperation.

"Santana!" Puck said loudly. "She knew where I hid my booze around here and now you can't find her and the drink's gone!"

"You're the one she's been drinking with?" Kurt asked incredulously.

Suddenly Puck looked guilty. Kurt came back a few steps until he was directly in front of Puck and scowled down at him.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?"

"Of course I do," Puck said furiously. "I'm not an idiot. She just came here one day and saw me drinking it so she asked if she could have some. I couldn't just say no, not when I know how much hope was in her eyes at having something to finally block it out,"

"I really hope that this hasn't hurt her, Puck," Kurt said angrily. "You have no idea what her and Brittany have had to deal with recently so I hope, for their sake, that you have not just caused something else on top of all of it,"

Kurt stormed off then, leaving Puck staring guiltily at the ground. He didn't care though, not at all. Puck should have known better than to offer Santana yet another way out. Did he not realise how vulnerable Santana was right now? Did he not know that getting Santana hooked on some other way to hurt herself was something that everyone could do without?

He continued to walk, his head down and braced against the wind. If Santana was out here somewhere she was sure to be cold and he was glad he'd brought his dad's extra coat out with him. It'd be far too big for her but perhaps that was a good thing. Not sure where he was headed Kurt picked up his pace, hoping only to find Santana and bring her home.

X

Her head was spinning so badly that she could barely sit up anymore without falling back down. Her mouth was dry and she desperately needed a drink but as far as she knew there was no water anywhere. Her arms were aching like hell and looking down at them had her feeling rather faint There was still drops of blood leaving her body like her tears, slowly forcing its way out with every movement.

She dragged herself forward slightly then collapsed on the ground, breathing heavily against the leaves clustered there. Am I dying? She wondered quietly to herself. If she was it was fucking painful. Even lying down her mind couldn't make sense of anything. Maybe she was just tired, yeah, that was it...

X

Brittany walked slowly, her mom's hand in hers, searching in every little place she could think of. Even when they walking down the street she popped her head in to other people's front gardens and looked under their bushes before they would realise she was there. Her feelings of dread only grew more though as each place she looked in was found to be empty.

"She could be anywhere," Brittany muttered. "She left the counselling session over twenty four hours ago,"

The police had called her earlier to say they'd started their search but she wasn't sure how it was going for them yet. Plus she'd left her phone at home so if they were trying to get in touch with her they wouldn't manage it.

"I'm sure we'll find her," Her mom assured her.

X

Kurt reached the forest after another ten minutes. The trees looked threatening but he'd never been scared of it in there before. He actually found it rather peaceful. He couldn't tell how long he'd been walking for when he saw her. It was only a glimpse of her as he looked around but he knew it was her.

"Santana," He called out but she didn't move. Please God, no.

He ran over to her and knelt down beside her still body. Not really knowing what it was he should do he put two fingers to her neck and let out a relieved sigh when he could feel her pulse beating against him. He said her name again and this time she rolled over so that she was on her back.

There was something in her expression that scared Kurt. She looked... Lost. It almost looked like she didn't recognise him.

"Santana, it's Kurt," He tried again.

"Kurt..." Santana said quietly.

"I've got you, princess," Kurt said taking her hand.

It was only then that he noticed the blood dripping down her arms. He couldn't see how it hadn't seen it earlier but right now he didn't much care.

"Shit, San," He muttered wrapping his dad's coat around her shaking shoulders. He then pulled off his own coat and wrapped it around her arm. He still needed something for her other arm but he couldn't think of anything else. Goosebumps rose on his arms as he looked around, not really sure what he'd find this way. Without really thinking he pulled his t-shirt over his head and, ignoring the cold that swept through him, wrapped it around her other arm.

"Are you hurting anywhere else?" He asked her desperately.

Santana mumbled incoherently and Kurt had to strain to hear her.

"No. Where's Brittany?"

"Okay, good. I'm gonna get her for you, I promise" He said quietly. He kept hold of her hand and used his other hand to pull his phone from his jeans pockets. "Come on, Britt, please pick up,"

X

Brittany entered the house through the back door. She was only stopping briefly to collect her phone because she after some thought she'd realised she might need it. Her mom stood by the gate at the front of the house, waiting for her to return but as soon as Brittany saw the five missed calls from Kurt she stopped making her way back out and rang him back, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Kurt? Have you got her?" She asked desperately.

"Yeah, she's here, Britt," Kurt said, relieved she'd answered.

Brittany was terrified to ask but she knew she had to.

"Is she okay?"

Kurt paused before answering.

"I was gonna call an ambulance but she went berserk," He said slowly. "She just keeps asking for you,"

"Where are you?" Brittany asked.

"We're in the forest, the one ten minutes away from the park. She's quite far in,"

"Tell her I'm on my way," Brittany told him and then hung up, practically running back out.

She hadn't asked Kurt why he'd needed an ambulance because all she'd wanted to do was get to Santana. But now that she thought about it she wondered if everything was okay as mom had insisted it was.

X

It took them half an hour to find Kurt and Santana. As soon as Brittany saw them she started running, tears blurring her eyes as they came into view. Kurt stepped back slightly as Brittany fell to the ground beside them.

"Santana, San, honey, I'm here," Brittany said, her hands all over the brunette.

Santana's eyes opened warily, squinting against the sunlight. She couldn't really explain what happened. All she knew was that when her eyes connected with Brittany's the pain went away. A smile graced her lips and she reached up a shaking hand to cup Brittany's face.

"You came for me," She whispered.

"Of course I did," Brittany murmured. "Why are her arms wrapped up?"

Kurt shifted nervously.

"I think she's hurt herself, but I'm not sure how,"

"Is it bad?" Brittany asked him cautiously.

"I couldn't really see to be honest," Kurt answered. "There's a lot of blood,"

Brittany looked at him through wide eyes at his words.

"Britt, I don't think we need to panic just yet. There's always a lot of blood. I think we just need to get her home, she promised me she wasn't hurting anywhere else," Kurt said.

Brittany looked back down at Santana and pushed her hair away from her eyes. She knew Santana would refuse medical help so she guessed the best thing to do would be to go home, do her best there and decide then whether an ambulance was necessary.

"I think he's right, Brittany," Her mom said softly from behind her. "She just looks exhausted,"

"I think she's been drinking too," Kurt put in.

Brittany closed her eyes briefly then reopened them and bent down to talk to Santana.

"We're gonna get you home okay," She murmured.

"Britt... I'm so sorry," Santana whispered. "I just... I just wanted to feel better,"

"I know you did, it's okay," Brittany said, kissing her forehead gently.

"I don't deserve you," Santana said quietly as Brittany made to pick her up. "You're just too good for me,"

"Oh, Santana," Brittany said softly. "I love you, nothing can change that,"

**Well, I'm not too happy with this chapter, especially not the end but I felt it was necessary so I guess I'll see what you say. I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to update. Like I mentioned previously I was on holiday and it's taken me some time to get this going again. I hope you're all okay and enjoying your holidays! Please read and review!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty**

Brittany looked down at Santana, curled up beneath the covers on her bed, and gently ran her finger down the side of Santana's face. She hadn't been asleep for long, about half an hour or so, but it'd taken a while. It had taken them longer than they thought to get her home. Brittany and Kurt had put both of her arms around their necks but that hadn't stopped her from stumbling along the way. On top of that they'd had to keep Kurt's coats secure around her wrists with their free hands.

When they'd got her home Brittany had taken her to the bathroom and sat her down on the closed toilet seat. Her first priority had been checking to see the extent of the damage Santana had caused herself. She'd hesitantly placed her hand on Kurt's coat and looked into Santana's eyes to see if it was okay. But Santana hadn't been looking at her; at least not properly. Her eyes had been glazed over, emotionless, and this scared Brittany more than anything.

She'd then proceeded to removing the coat and taking Santana's arm in her gentle touch. It was much different to the last time Brittany had seen Santana's cuts. Her skin looked shredded, which she was supposed was the bottle Santana had used. She was still bleeding and it looked incredibly painful but if it was she wasn't giving anything away. Brittany could honestly say she'd never seen anything like it. She stood up and ran some warm water in the sink. Then she placed a wash cloth into it and soaked it before bending back down.

"It might hurt a bit, okay?" She'd said gently.

Santana hadn't said anything, merely continued to look at her in that way. Brittany carefully placed the wash cloth over her skin. She expected Santana to flinch or pull a face or _something _but still, nothing happened. She gently dabbed the cloth at the blood drying all the way down her arm. She did this to both arms then wrapped them in bandages, securing it with a safety pin.

"Let's get you out of these clothes, yeah?" Brittany had said warmly, her hands rubbing Santana's thighs.

She'd then proceeded to pulling Santana's shirt over her head and removing her trousers. Santana's knees were littered in tiny cuts and Brittany presumed they'd appeared when she'd fallen over. She placed several band aids over them and planted a kiss on top, hoping to receive some kind of reaction but still Santana didn't say a word.

Nothing much had happened after that. Brittany had collected a pair of comfy sweatpants and a baggy jumper for her to wear and had then taken her to bed. Now, here she sat, watching Santana's chest rise and fall as she turned over in her sleep and faced Brittany instead. She looked so peaceful when she was sleeping that Brittany, had she tried, could almost forget about everything that was going on.

Brittany sighed and rubbed a hand over her face. She felt so tired. But she couldn't fall asleep; not when Santana might need her at any moment. She knew it was selfish to even think about how she was feeling when Santana was in the state she was and all this did was create more guilt inside of her, forever pressing down on her heart and making her stomach turn.

"Brittany?"

Brittany looked over at Santana and found herself locked on beautiful brown eyes. A small smile crossed her face and she sat up properly, her hand gripping Santana's tightly.

"How are you feeling?" Brittany asked quietly. She could see that Santana was still half asleep and didn't want to startle her into awakening fully.

Santana didn't answer at first. Her eyes continued to search Brittany's, almost as if she was looking for an answer to something she didn't want to ask. If she was being honest she couldn't feel much pain. Her arms stung a little and she was aching but other than that she felt okay, content. She couldn't help feeling that being with Brittany was what was causing her comfort.

"You stayed," She whispered.

Brittany smiled tiredly and planted a small kiss onto Santana's forehead. She looked adorable when she was fighting off sleep.

"I promised I would never leave you," She reminded her. "You know that, right?"

Santana's eyes went dark at Brittany's words and panic shot through them. Brittany inwardly sighed, realising that Santana still believed she was a flight risk and wouldn't stay around long enough to convince her otherwise.

"I'm going to go and get in the shower, okay?" Brittany said, trying not to sound like Santana's silence had hurt her. "You try and go back to sleep,"

Brittany stood up without waiting to see what Santana would say and made her way to the door. It wasn't that she wanted to leave, she really did need a shower, but Santana's silence at her question had made the moment perfect.

"I know,"

Brittany stopped but didn't turn around. The only question that fit Santana's answer was her leaving one but her answer suggested a lot and Brittany wasn't sure if she meant it. She slowly turned to face Santana, wondering if it had been said at all.

"I know you won't leave me,"

This time she knew Santana had spoken. Before she could say anything Santana's eyes drifted shut and she took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, sleep taking over her mind. A smile began to work its way from Brittany's lips to her eyes and a small tear ran down her cheek as she realised that Santana had just put the first piece in on the puzzle of recovery.

X

Brittany made her way downstairs, rubbing her hair dry with a towel as she went. Kurt was sat at her dining room table, a mug in his hands. She frowned, what was he still doing here? The clock in their hallway told her that it had just gone seven and she blinked in surprise. It felt much later.

"Kurt, you're still here," Brittany stated even though she knew he knew he was still there.

"I wanted to make sure you were both okay," Kurt smiled, turning to face her.

His words hit her suddenly in the chest and she looked away from him, the towel hanging by her feet. The fact that he'd included her in that sentence had surprised her, for no-one really asked how she was doing now that Santana was with her, safe, and not in some hospital somewhere. He seemed to notice her expression for he patted the space beside him, motioning for her to sit down.

"I know that you will _both _be okay one day,"

Brittany looked down at his hands and watched as he ran his thumb along the rim of the mug. She used to believe what Kurt was saying but now she wasn't so sure. Every time she thought Santana might just be getting to that first step something else seemed to come along and knock her off again. She knew she couldn't stop things like that happening but she could help things to feel better.

"She said something upstairs," Brittany said, suddenly remembering and smiling slightly.

"What did she say?" Kurt asked softly.

"I told her I wasn't going to leave her," Brittany said. "And she said she knows,"

Kurt's eyes widened and a smile graced his face. Brittany's smile grew wider at his face and she nodded to him, assuring him that what he'd just heard was true. He threw his arms around her body and gripped her tightly.

"I'm so glad," He said happily.

"I just hope it wasn't the sleep talking," Brittany said once he let go of her.

"It won't be," Kurt said immediately. "It must feel incredible for both of you,"

Brittany stopped and thought for a moment. She hadn't really thought about how it must be making Santana feel. But now she realised that she must feel pretty good. She'd finally found someone worth trusting and she'd even voiced it. On Brittany's part she felt happy but there was a pressure too. There always had been but now that Santana had put her trust in her it was more important than anything.

X

Santana woke up hours later and blinked several times to take in her surroundings. She was in her room and Brittany was next to her, sitting up against the headboard as if she hadn't been meaning to fall asleep. Santana smiled slightly and pushed herself up so that she was leaning against the bed too. That was when she noticed her arms. And with the image of her arms came the remembering.

Brittany and Kurt had brought her home. Brittany had cleaned her up and changed her clothes. Then she'd somehow ended up here, in bed. Her arms were aching now. She pressed down lightly on one and hissed in pain, a sharp feeling running down her wrist. Brittany woke up when she made the noise. She looked around in confusion before facing Santana and scrunching her eyes up to wake up properly.

"You're so adorable," Santana said without thinking. She immediately looked down, her hands twisting in her lap.

Brittany curled her fingers under Santana's chin and lifted her so that they were making eye contact. Then she joined their lips together, inhaling through her nose at the much needed contact. Santana seemed hesitant at first but when she placed her hand on Brittany's cheek her heart gradually began to slow down. These were the moments she liked; the kissing. They were passionate and intimate and filled with so much love that sometimes it felt like Santana was receiving it all at once.

Brittany pulled away first, her cheeks flushed.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," Santana answered truthfully. "What time is it?"

Brittany leant across Santana, their bodies nearly touching, and pressed the button on her phone. The screen lit up showing that it had just gone two in the morning. Brittany sat back down and yawned, her hand coming up to cover her mouth.

"You can go back to sleep," Santana told her, settling back against her pillow.

"If you're not I'm not," Brittany said shrugging. "Besides, I think a leprechaun was trying to eat me in my dream and I don't particularly want to die yet,"

A laugh escaped Santana. It wasn't much of one, kind of like a small chuckle, but it still made Brittany smile. Santana just looked away. It hadn't meant to happen, it just had. And it felt strange to her, almost like tasting a favourite food that you hadn't eaten for years. Come to think of it, she couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed without it being forced.

"Do you want to die, Santana?"

Santana's eyes snapped to Brittany's but there was no judgement or force in the question. Brittany merely looked curious as if the answer Santana gave would just get rid of one question Brittany had in her head. Santana knew it wasn't as simple as that; that the answer she gave would open up a whole load of other questions, but she could see in Brittany's eyes that nothing bad would come out of this. It was just a question.

"Do we have to talk about this?" Santana asked, trying to avoid the question entirely.

"No," Brittany answered honestly. "But I think we both need to,"

Santana could see why Brittany had asked. She just found it odd that it'd been at this particular moment. She pondered her response. If she said yes then Brittany would worry and she'd probably be carted off to some hospital somewhere. If she said no then she'd be lying and she wasn't very good at lying to Brittany.

"I think about it, sometimes," She said, settling on an answer that made sense to her.

"Okay," Brittany said, taking her hand again and squeezing encouragingly.

"I don't so much want to do anything," Santana carried on. "But sometimes I think it would be easier,"

"It would be easier," Brittany said. "Because then you wouldn't have to deal with any of this. And I don't want you to have to deal with any of this, but I don't want to lose you either,"

"So what do I do?" Santana asked. She sounded so defeated, so unsure of herself, that Brittany felt her stomach twist. Santana could really see no other option.

"_We _will get through this together," Brittany smiled. "You're not on your own, sweetheart. I'm here, and so is Kurt. Do you know he's sleeping in my room tonight?"

Santana frowned. Kurt was still here?

"He didn't want to leave you, not tonight," Brittany answered her questioning look. "We all care about you, and we all want you to get better,"

Brittany took a deep breath and looked down. Santana could see that what she was about to say was hard for her, and she didn't want to say it at all. When Brittany looked back up Santana could see worry in her eyes, and panic too.

"What?"

"My mom went through the house yesterday and threw away all of the alcohol," Brittany said softly.

Santana's insides twisted. If she was honest she hadn't thought about drinking since yesterday but now that Brittany had mentioned it she could feel the repressed feelings coming back to her. Suddenly she ached for a drink; she longed to feel the liquid sliding down her throat, the burn in her stomach, the relief in her mind as everything else was wiped away. Brittany could tell that Santana was starting to struggle. Her eyes were conflicted, torn between pretending she wasn't feeling anything and showing just how hard this was.

"The drink could kill you," Brittany said, her voice hitching. "And I can't let that happen,"

Santana closed her eyes and gripped Brittany's hand harder. If she just didn't think about it then it'd go away, right? Instead she thought back to the time when she'd first laid eyes on Brittany. Even back then she'd known that Brittany was the girl for her. She thought about how her stomach had felt all fluttery, like butterflies had taken up residence there; how her hands had become sweaty just through the thought of her; how her eyes had thrown the rest of the world off kilter and convinced her that nothing else she saw would ever be as beautiful as what was sat right in front of her.

When she reopened her eyes Brittany was looking at her anxiously.

"I... I don't want a drink," She forced out.

Her father began laughing at her, the sound of him so startling that she jumped and let go of Brittany's hand. Her hands pressed down over each of her ears but this didn't help in blocking him out. If anything it was just making him louder.

"Santana, San, honey," Brittany said, pulling her hands away and holding them between her legs. "It's just me here, I promise, it's just us,"

Santana forced herself to focus on Brittany's voice, the voice that had carried her through and out of everything. As Brittany continued to murmur in her ear Santana felt her father's voice getting further and further away from her as though he was a piece of music and it was being turned down.

"I've got you, San," Brittany said gently as Santana collapsed against her, her arms wrapping around the blonde's torso. "I've got you,"

X

Santana continued to sleep on and off for the next couple of days. Brittany could tell that her time in the forest, telling Brittany and then her counsellor her secret and the past few nights had taken their toll on her and caused her to feel exhausted but Brittany was glad that Santana was starting to confide and trust in her a bit more. Santana had never been one for discussing her feelings so Brittany wasn't about to push her. The pace they were going at was fine for now.

After a week Santana went back to school. Principal Figgins was glad to see her back again, despite the fact that she'd only been gone for just over a week compared to the last time she'd been off. He assured her that her attendance record was nothing to worry about as they knew the reasons behind it although to Santana it wasn't something she cared about anyway and he could have told her before.

The Glee club were happy to see her but she still continued to sit at the back despite wanting more than anything to sing again. Singing again was something she thought about constantly, especially recently. She had started trying to sing to herself but every time she opened her mouth her throat would block and she'd find herself back at square one.

She was stood by her locker. Her hands were shaking as she dialled the combination and put her previous books away. She found that they were doing that more and more lately. She also felt itchy, like insects were crawling over her skin. Her throat was also dry and it took her a while to realise that not drinking was taking its effect on her.

"Hey," A voice that was so familiar to her brought her out of her thoughts.

She turned around to face Brittany and a small smile grazed over her mouth. It was at moments like these that she realised she could do anything as long as she had Brittany by her side. She didn't think she'd ever thought or said it before but she didn't think she could go on if Brittany wasn't there.

"Hey,"

"Are you okay?" Brittany asked her, as caring as ever.

"Yeah, I just want to go home," Santana said, sounding like a five year old.

"I want to go home too," Brittany agreed.

"Hello, ladies," Kurt said, appearing from nowhere, his hands clasped tightly to his bag. "How are you today?"

He looked at both of them as he said it but Santana knew he was aiming it at her. She didn't mind though. As much as she hated people asking her that question all the time it meant more coming from Brittany and Kurt. And she couldn't fault either of them for anything over the past few months, right from when she'd first been in hospital.

"I'm okay," Brittany answered first, smiling at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Santana said, shoving a quick smile onto her face. She didn't think either of them saw through it.

"Well," Kurt said breaking the silence that fell." Rachel's having yet another crisis in the choir room, I swear, as much as I love that girl, she can be rather dramatic,"

"Do you know what it's about?" Brittany asked, following Kurt towards the choir room and taking Santana's hand.

"Nope, I didn't stick around long enough," Kurt said, turning around and winking.

They could hear Rachel's voice before they'd even entered the room. When they appeared they could see Rachel standing by the piano, talking loudly to Mr Schue who stood on the opposite side, looking at the floor. Santana stopped when she heard her name, pulling Brittany back slightly as they waited.

"She's never even here! We are never going to make it to Nationals if our members don't show up,"

Santana's heart skipped and tears welled up behind her eyes. Brittany made her way into the room, anger filling her up in all places but before she could say a word someone else spoke.

"Oh, lay off, Berry. You think she wants to miss so much school? You think she's happy living the way she is? You might want to think more about her rather than yourself for a change. You have no idea how she's coping,"

Santana stepped into the room because quite frankly she needed to see for herself that she wasn't dreaming, that it was Quinn who was standing up for her. Brittany stood, breathing hard behind Rachel who turned around and spotted Santana standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Santana, I didn't mean..." Rachel began but Santana cut her off.

"It's fine," She said, her voice cracking slightly and she cursed herself for sounding so weak. "I should have known, I guess,"

"No, Santana, don't listen to her," Brittany said, coming to stand in front of her and putting a hand on both of her upper arms.

"She's right," Santana said, even though it killed her to say it. "You guys won't get to Nationals if our hearts aren't in it,"

"Santana, please, she's not right," Brittany said desperately.

"It's fine, Britt," Santana said. "It's fine."

And with that, she walked away.

X

Santana refused to go back to Glee club even though Brittany was doing her best to change her mind. She felt rather broken inside after hearing Rachel's words for she knew it was someone else she'd inconvenienced. By not going to Glee club she was giving Rachel what she wanted and she'd rather Rachel was happy than herself.

Brittany was furious with Rachel. After everything Santana had achieved in the past of couple of weeks she felt that it'd all been blown away because all Santana was passionate about was singing and now Rachel had taken that away from her. She knew that Rachel hadn't meant to be as harsh as she was but Santana was her main priority.

A few days after the incident with Rachel, Brittany and Santana entered the house and walked into the kitchen. Santana sat down straight away, picking at her nails, as Brittany started the kettle and proceeded to making them both a cup of tea. Santana had been telling Brittany that Rachel hadn't bothered her but Brittany could see it had.

"What are you thinking?" Brittany asked her, placing the tea in front of her.

"Oh, nothing," Santana said shrugging.

Brittany sighed and took a drink of her tea. It burnt her throat and she coughed, causing Santana to look up and arch her eyebrows.

"Sorry," Brittany said, her throat still stinging.

Just before Santana could speak Brittany's parents entered the room. Both girls were surprised. They rarely saw either of them this early, especially Brittany's dad. Mrs Pierce was holding a letter in her hand and looking anxiously from Santana to Brittany.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Brittany asked, standing up.

Santana stood up too, force of habit she supposed, and wrung her hands together by her stomach. Mrs Pierce glanced at Mr Pierce who rubbed the back of his neck and let out a breath.

"Santana," Mrs Pierce said gently. "It's your mom,"

Brittany knew what was about to happen before it did. Her arms were wrapped around Santana as the room went black and she sunk into a dead faint.

**Well, I felt the need to write and I have but I'm not sure where any of it came from. Ah well. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter, they are really what keep me going. I hope this chapter was okay for everyone. Please let me know by reviewing! **


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty One**

Another tear cascaded down Santana's cheek and she did nothing to prevent it from happening. She lay on her bed, curled into a ball, staring blankly at the wall opposite her through watery eyes. Brittany had been kneeling beside her for almost an hour. Her hand rested lightly on Santana's thigh, her thumb tracing back and forth in an attempt to comfort her but so far nothing was working.

"San, baby, please talk to me," Brittany begged.

"It's all my fault," She whispered, a fresh wave of tears appearing as she spoke.

"No," Brittany said abruptly, grabbing Santana's hand and squeezing it. "No, this is not your fault,"

"But... if I..." Santana began but Brittany cut her off.

"Santana, I promise you this is not your fault. I'm sure there are lots of reasons behind it but you're not one of them,"

Santana closed her eyes, yet more tears squeezing their way out, and took a deep breath in. Brittany frowned in concern, her heart pounding in her chest, unsure of what she could possibly say or do. She'd always managed to find something to say to help Santana but, in facing this, she was finding it next to impossible.

Brittany's mom and dad had given her the letter and she'd read through it slowly as she waited for Santana to regain consciousness. Once she had she'd spoken to her briefly before handing her the letter herself. Santana had looked like she would pass out again and had lain down; bringing them to the moment they were in now. She hadn't stopped crying since.

The letter had brought them the news of her mother's death. According to the police she'd been found the previous morning in her cell. She'd used a pair of shoelaces to hang herself. Brittany had been shocked by the news but it was nothing to how Santana was feeling. She blamed herself. The thought of Santana taking responsibility for her mother's death made Brittany's stomach boil.

"What are you thinking?" She asked quietly.

Santana slowly opened her eyes and forced herself to sit back against the bed. Brittany stood up and sat down beside her instead, their hands still locked together. She let out a breath and looked at Brittany, her eyes glassy and red. Brittany smiled sadly and gave her the time she needed to speak. She'd learnt that Santana would open up when she wasn't forced into it.

"I... I don't really know what to think," She admitted softly. "I don't really understand... How did they let it happen?"

"My dad said that... people in jail are put on suicide watch for a while sometimes, just in case," Brittany said sensitively. "I guess when she was taken out of that she took the chance,"

"I feel... funny," Santana said, resting her head back.

"How do you mean? Do you need some water? Do you need to lie down again?" Brittany asked worriedly.

"No, I mean, inside," Santana said. "I don't know how to _feel,_"

"You don't have to feel anything, sweetheart," Brittany said, pulling Santana into her arms and wrapping her own around Santana's shoulders. "You be how you want to be,"

Brittany continued to hold Santana, even as the room slowly went dark around them. She didn't feel like anything else mattered; she just knew that, whilst she was doing it, Santana was safe and calm. She could feel that Santana was trembling and believed it was still the shock but when she started to whimper Brittany got worried.

"What's the matter?" She asked, pulling back slightly to see Santana's face.

"Nothing... Nothing, I'm fine," Santana lied, gripping her wrists and pressing down hard.

"No, don't do that," Brittany said desperately, grabbing Santana's hands and pinning them at her waist. "You'll hurt yourself,"

"That's what I want!" Santana cried, tears dripping from her chin, her eyes wild. "I need to hurt, Brittany, I need to!"

"Why, San?" Brittany asked, trying to keep as calm as possible as Santana broke down in front of her.

"Because I did this!" Santana sobbed. "I made her do it!"

"No, honey, you didn't," Brittany tried but Santana was too far gone to hear her.

She ripped her hands from Brittany's and scrambled off of the bed, running from the room with a speed Brittany didn't know was capable of her. Brittany practically fell off the bed in an effort to grab her but Santana was gone before she could. She ran out after her and shouted for her parents. At the top of the stairs she saw Santana frantically trying to unlock the door and turned with relief to see her parents appearing from the living room.

Without thinking about what he was doing Mr Pierce hooked his arms around Santana's waist and pulled her away from the door. A shriek left her and she began pounding at his arms, screaming at him to let go of her.

"Dad, dad, let her go!" Brittany said running down the stairs.

Mr Pierce turned in alarm and let go of Santana who collapsed at his feet. She scooted as far back as she could go and curled herself into a ball, her hands fisting her hair. She began to rock back and forth, her rapid breathing the only sound they could hear. Mrs Pierce looked at Brittany with worry and raised her eyebrows in question. Brittany shook her head slightly and knelt down next to Santana who flinched.

"Santana, it's me, it's Brittany," She said softly.

Her heart was aching so much she felt sure it was about to give up on her. After the past few days of progress Santana had been making, seeing her in this state was devastating. And once again it was her mother who had caused it. She wasn't entirely sure what would happen now with the trial but that was the last thing on her mind. Santana's breathing was still fast and she needed to find a way to calm her down. But how?

Mrs Pierce quietly told Mr Pierce to go back in the living room, feeling that, maybe, she'd feel a lot more comfortable without a male in view. He nodded slightly and gave Brittany an apologetic glance before making his way out. Mrs Pierce moved forward slightly but stopped at Brittany's face.

"Do you mind if I sit down, Santana?" Mrs Pierce asked.

Santana didn't respond so Mrs Pierce took a seat to the other side of Brittany and glanced at the girl in front of her. She knew she had to speak, she knew she had to tell her story but it wasn't one Brittany had heard and she didn't know how they'd take it. On the up side it might help Santana, make her see she wasn't so alone. And looking at her made her realise that maybe she needed to know that.

"You know, when I was a just a bit younger than you, about... fourteen, fifteen, I went to stay at my Nan and Granddad's house," Mrs Pierce began softly. Brittany looked up when she started speaking, a small frown on her face. "I hadn't ever done it before because they lived so far away but they moved down to somewhere near us. Anyway, my Nan invited me to stay and I... well, I couldn't wait. But, I didn't want my Granddad there."

Santana continued to sit in her position but she was slowly starting to relax. Brittany could see her muscles begin to get less tense and could tell she was hanging onto every word.

"You see, every time we went to visit them he'd hurt me," She said quietly, never once taking her eyes away from Santana. "Sometimes it'd just be a slap, to put me in my place, and other times, when we were alone, he'd hit me harder and tell my parents that I'd fallen down the stairs,"

Brittany looked shocked, her eyes wide and her mouth parted. Mrs Pierce took her hand and squeezed lovingly, trying to explain without words why she'd kept it to herself for so long. Santana forced herself to look up and the sight of her was worse than anything Brittany had ever seen. Her hair was wild, flung around her face messily. Her eyes were puffy and red. She was shaking so hard Brittany would have thought she was stood outside in winter. Her face was wet.

"My Nan found out and I felt sure she'd blame me," Mrs Pierce said. "But she didn't. She hugged me, and she told me she loved me, and she had him arrested. He killed himself in prison too,"

Another tear rolled down Santana's cheek and she covered her eyes with her hand briefly. Brittany was crying too, the love she felt for her mother making it difficult to imagine any harm coming to her. She could see Santana falling apart again in right in front of her but she knew it was for an entirely different reason to earlier.

"I blamed myself too, sweetheart," Mrs Pierce said, her voice breaking. "But it isn't our fault. Sometimes they just can't face the guilt. They can't handle the fact that they made their own flesh and blood's life miserable. I know what I went through isn't half as bad as what you went through but you're not alone, I promise. You will get through this, I know you will. You are so much better than them and what they made you out to be. Don't let them define you, honey, you're so much more deserving."

A small sob escaped Santana's lips and she bent forward at the waist again. Mrs Pierce moved closer to her and wrapped her arms around the brunette, motioning for Brittany to come over. Brittany sat on the other side of Santana and put her arm around her shoulders. She used her other hand to take Santana's and squeezed tightly to let her know she was there.

"We all love you so much," Mrs Pierce murmured, kissing the top of Santana's head. "Don't let them destroy you,"

X

It took a couple of days but Santana finally came back to her. It happened three days after they'd received the letter and her mom had told them both her story. She'd got up one day and smiled. It was only a small smile as they were sitting having breakfast but after spending two days with a girl who wouldn't even speak to her she saw it as a breakthrough.

Santana had had a private word with Brittany's mom, thanking her for telling the story. Truthfully, she did feel less alone. Looking around the dining room table of an evening and seeing Mr and Mrs Pierce sat across from her, Brittany on the other side, made her realise that she'd never felt so much part of a family before. She'd written this down in her diary and then spent forty minutes trying to pluck up the courage to show Brittany who had started crying when she did. She supposed it was progress to them but to her it was merely something she'd wanted to say for a very long time.

The police had been around to offer their condolences but Santana had just shrugged. Part of her still blamed herself for what had happened and her father popped into her head frequently to remind her of it but Brittany had started to notice the signs for when he appeared. She was beginning to help Santana distract herself when he did, something her own counsellor hadn't even bothered with, although, to be fair, Santana didn't think she'd ever mentioned hearing him in her head.

She hadn't been back to see her counsellor but she had had phone calls from her. She'd prescribed her, over the phone, some anti-depressants which she had to pick up tomorrow. Apparently these would help her to deal with some of the emotions she was feeling. At the moment she'd take anything if it was supposed to help.

The police had told her that the trial had been moved forward by a week so she was facing another ten days of worry, pressure, and nerves. They also informed her that her dad had been placed on suicide watch, due to the fact that his wife had killed herself. Santana had looked away when they spoke, unable to let them see the feelings coursing through her eyes at their information.

The next night Santana climbed into bed and took her phone from her bedside table. She hesitantly typed out a message to Brittany and sent it before she could change her mind. She didn't have to wait long. Brittany appeared at her door in a pair of shorts and a baggy t-shirt, a lazy smile on her face. Santana smiled back at her and moved to the other side of the bed so that Brittany could get in with her.

"What's this for, eh?" Brittany asked her, stroking the side of Santana's face with her thumb.

"I just wanted you," Santana answered honestly.

"You can have me anytime you want," Brittany said.

Santana turned over so that she was facing the wall and felt Brittany move closer to her from behind. She hooked her arm under Santana's so that she was wrapped around her waist and placed her chin on Santana's shoulder. Santana smiled.

"I love you so much," She murmured sleepily.

"I love you too,"

X

With eight days left until the trial Santana began to go off of her food again. She hadn't been eating much anyway but it was an improvement. Now, however, she could barely eat anything as it came back up again within minutes. Her lawyer and Brittany were trying their best to keep her calm but nothing was working. She was far too nervous to see a better way out of it.

Kurt was sure to visit every now and then. He spoke to her about the trial sometimes but it was obviously a topic she wanted to avoid. He was worried about it too but he knew his nerves were nothing compared to Santana's. Still, he tried to help her so she'd know she wasn't going through it alone.

Just six days before the trial Santana's lawyer came over. Santana was still in bed when he arrived. Brittany had had to come and wake her up which she'd apologised for over and over before dragging her downstairs and taking her into the living room where he was waiting.

"Hello, Santana, how are you today?" He asked her politely.

Santana had merely glared at him and folded her arms across her chest, hoping to put across to him that he'd made her get out of bed. He seemed to notice she wasn't up for talking so he got straight down to it and pulled some documents from his bag.

"I was talking to the judge on your case yesterday and we've come to an agreement about your statement," He began.

"What do you mean?" Santana asked him. Brittany sat down on the arm on the couch and frowned questioningly at him.

"I was informed of your... mother and Mrs Pierce filled me in on what happened,"

Santana looked away in shame, her cheeks flaming in embarrassment. She'd been trying her best to block that moment from her mind for days but it always found a way to creep back in. It was like a weed; she could take it away as often as she liked but it'd always find a way back in.

"The judge and I have agreed that it may be a bit traumatic for you to face your father, especially in the circumstances," The lawyer said. "We've decided to do a live video streaming instead,"

"What's that?" Brittany asked.

"Well, basically, Santana wouldn't have to go into the courtroom," The lawyer said, watching as Santana rose her head and looked directly at him. "She could go into a separate room with Officer Whitby and speak into a camera. A screen would be set up in the courtroom so that everyone can see her but she won't be able to see them,"

"So... I wouldn't have to see... him again?" Santana asked.

"No," Her lawyer said firmly. "I will be in the courtroom for the trial and when it's your turn to give a statement you can speak into the camera and we'll do it that way,"

"What do you think, San?" Brittany asked.

Santana looked down and fiddled nervously with her fingers, picking at any nail she could whilst she thought. If she was honest she liked the idea. Most of the worry she was feeling was about seeing him again, facing him, talking to him about what had happened. With this video thing she wouldn't have to do that. Part of her was worried though; he would be able to see her. She wouldn't be able to see him and what he was looking at. But everyone else would. So she shouldn't worry; should she?

"I... I would rather that than see him again," Santana answered, shrugging like it didn't matter.

"Excellent," The lawyer said, packing up his briefcase and standing up. "Stop worrying, Santana. It's going to be just fine,"

Brittany waited until the lawyer had left the room before speaking. She moved closer to Santana who was still picking at her nails.

"Are you okay?"

Santana nodded and took a breath in, lifting her face up to meet Brittany's. Neither of them said a word, but they didn't have to. This was it; this was the moment they'd all been waiting for.

**First of all I apologise for this update taking longer than usual. I don't even have an excuse, I've had writer's block and I've been so tired and whatever but I am sorry. Secondly, I'm not happy with this chapter. I'm not sure why, it just feels quite disjointed. I hate it when I feel like this because then I feel like I've let all the readers down and I hate letting people down so I'm very sorry for this chapter. I hope it doesn't disappoint any of you but... Yeah, I'm sorry.**

**The next chapter will be the last and there will be an epilogue after it so two chapters left I guess. I can't believe we're reaching the end already! Please read and review, let me know your thoughts.**


End file.
